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  1. #1
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    Aug 2013
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    Default Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    My question involves child support in the State of: Washington
    I will try to keep this simple and to the point.

    My husband and I pay his ex-wife child support each month, we have four children total, three are mine and one is his. My step-daughter has a very rocky relationship with her mother, this started around the age of 8. She is now 15. She starting exhibiting inappropriate behavior at her mother and step-dads home May of 2012 (cutting, drugs, boys). We stepped in, her mother put her in therapy and in doing so agreed to allow her daughter to spend more time with her father and sisters which resulted in the whole summer (2012). Eventually they (step-daughter & Mother) agree to spend 2 days a week at her Mothers (original custody was 50/50) but mother had her a few more days per month. The twice a week schedule continued on and off. May 2013 daughter & mother have another falling out. Daughter hasn't seen mother since May 2013 and resides with us full time. We continue to pay child support. The daughter just informed us yesterday, that her mother and stepdad are moving (yet again) out of the school district (without her daughter). We haven't been informed of this move which is taking place in 8 days.

    At what point can we stop paying child support to the "custodial parent" when the child no longer resides with the "custodial parent" and the custodial parent moves out of the school district where her daughter is starting High School?

    There are several other leverage points we have against his ex-wife, regarding contempt on agreements that we can leverage. It is a frustrating situation to say the least knowing that all she cares about is getting our money and not her daughter.

    Any insight provided will be very much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Inland Empire
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    1,410

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting hedliq
    View Post
    My question involves child support in the State of: Washington
    I will try to keep this simple and to the point.

    My husband and I pay his ex-wife child support each month, we have four children total, three are mine and one is his. My step-daughter has a very rocky relationship with her mother, this started around the age of 8. She is now 15. She starting exhibiting inappropriate behavior at her mother and step-dads home May of 2012 (cutting, drugs, boys). We stepped in, her mother put her in therapy and in doing so agreed to allow her daughter to spend more time with her father and sisters which resulted in the whole summer (2012). Eventually they (step-daughter & Mother) agree to spend 2 days a week at her Mothers (original custody was 50/50) but mother had her a few more days per month. The twice a week schedule continued on and off. May 2013 daughter & mother have another falling out. Daughter hasn't seen mother since May 2013 and resides with us full time. We continue to pay child support. The daughter just informed us yesterday, that her mother and stepdad are moving (yet again) out of the school district (without her daughter). We haven't been informed of this move which is taking place in 8 days.

    At what point can we stop paying child support to the "custodial parent" when the child no longer resides with the "custodial parent" and the custodial parent moves out of the school district where her daughter is starting High School?

    There are several other leverage points we have against his ex-wife, regarding contempt on agreements that we can leverage. It is a frustrating situation to say the least knowing that all she cares about is getting our money and not her daughter.

    Any insight provided will be very much appreciated.
    YOU are not paying child support and you don't have custody of this child. It is that simple.

    Dad will pay support until the order is modified.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    2

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    YOU are not paying child support and you don't have custody of this child. It is that simple.

    Why is everyone on here so snooty when it comes to step parents why couldn't you just respond to her question without being rude or not reply to her at all
    no she is not listed as having custody in there divorce (nor was she implying that she does) but she is however his wife and she helps him with everything for his daughter so to THEM as a couple even though legally it is only him and his ex wife everyone knows that to THEM they share custody with the mom and step dad and she does pay child support his money is her money and her money is his money so the child support HE is obligated to pay is a debt/bill that they pay as a couple.
    next time just answer the questions with facts like he is going to need to go to court or attorney generals office whoever is in charge of the Child support division in your area and he is going to need to request a modification to stop the child support since his daughter is now living with you guys.

  4. #4
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    Apr 2009
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    Inland Empire
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    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting artnessa
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    YOU are not paying child support and you don't have custody of this child. It is that simple.

    Why is everyone on here so snooty when it comes to step parents why couldn't you just respond to her question without being rude or not reply to her at all
    no she is not listed as having custody in there divorce (nor was she implying that she does) but she is however his wife and she helps him with everything for his daughter so to THEM as a couple even though legally it is only him and his ex wife everyone knows that to THEM they share custody with the mom and step dad and she does pay child support his money is her money and her money is his money so the child support HE is obligated to pay is a debt/bill that they pay as a couple.
    next time just answer the questions with facts like he is going to need to go to court or attorney generals office whoever is in charge of the Child support division in your area and he is going to need to request a modification to stop the child support since his daughter is now living with you guys.
    You don't get to tell me how to respond. We frankly don't care who she is but when she says WE, legally speaking, she is not correct. I have seen many a step mamas get bashed when they open their mouths in court. Personally a little "put you in your place" here will save her hubby embarassment later on.

    So, it is that simple

  5. #5
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    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    How does daughter know about the move if she hasn't seen Mom since May?

    I'm curious.

    Fwiw, I'm in WA too. Here's the link for Dad: http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/?fa=f...ibute&formID=8

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    4

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Cleary I have hit a hot button for you Antigone. My apologies.

    In the legal sense, you are correct. "I" don't pay child support and "I" don't have custody or any say in anything really. I was just looking to get some guidance from people more knowledgeable than myself on this topic. We already have a game plan in place but wanted some additional insight.

  7. #7
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    Apr 2009
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    Inland Empire
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    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting hedliq
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    Cleary I have hit a hot button for you Antigone. My apologies.

    In the legal sense, you are correct. "I" don't pay child support and "I" don't have custody or any say in anything really. I was just looking to get some guidance from people more knowledgeable than myself on this topic. We already have a game plan in place but wanted some additional insight.
    Like I said, dad needs to ask for a modification of the order. It is really that simple.

    btw... no hot button, just telling you like it is.

  8. #8
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    Aug 2013
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    4

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Thanks Dogmatique.

    I was trying to be concise and to the point. I tend to ramble - shocking. Mother communicated with daughter a few months ago via IM and mentioned she may be moving and in turn asked her if she would like her stuff from her mothers house or would she prefer her mother donate it. Daughter provided a list of items that she wanted her mother to pack up and bring over. Out of the blue and without notice mother texted daughter yesterday morning asking if she would be around so that she can drop off her stuff. After the mother refused to just leave the stuff, she showed up with 5 minutes notice and dropped off two boxes and 4 garbage bags full of items and that is when she was told she was moving for sure in 8 days, out of the school district. None of this has been communicated to my husband.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    15,622

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting hedliq
    View Post
    Cleary I have hit a hot button for you Antigone. My apologies.

    In the legal sense, you are correct. "I" don't pay child support and "I" don't have custody or any say in anything really. I was just looking to get some guidance from people more knowledgeable than myself on this topic. We already have a game plan in place but wanted some additional insight.
    See...you did it again...you used the "we" word.

    There is a really valid legal reason why we harp on stepparents who use "our", and "we" etc. That reason is because it tends to really tick off judges and other court professionals when a stepparent uses "we", or "our". Yes, all of the volunteers here do understand that a husband and wife tend to view themselves and their finances as a team situation, but it tends to make things worse, rather than better if any court professional gets any wind of it. Many stepparents just don't get that at all, and tend to want to testify in court, be present for evaluations when they have not asked to be present, or tend to want to be present for mediations when they absolutely should not be present at all.

    So...we try to hammer that issue. If you can learn to stop the "we" and "our" in your vocabulary, you could actually do your husband a lot more good and be a bigger help.

  10. #10
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    Aug 2013
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    4

    Default Re: Paying Child Support to Custodial Parent Child Living with Non-Custodial Parent

    llworking.

    What you just told me was very useful information. I will refrain from "we" and "our" and take the emotion out of it and be supportive of my husband. "we" and "our" can be used in our home between us. You are right, this doesn't involve me at all, it is between my husband and his ex-wife and she will ensure to include her husband is in the "we" and "our" and I can sit back and remember what you told me. Thanks!

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