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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    1

    Unhappy Concerned About Child's Safety During Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Colorado. The father resides in another state.

    Background: My son's father moved to another state last year. We have a parental agreement in place with the court but we did not modify it when he left. We came to a verbal agreement that our son would visit him 1-2 weeks over Christmas and 4-6 weeks during the summer. I have full custody. Parental agreement states that Father is not to consume alcohol for 24 hours prior to and thru visitation. Father refused to participate in court at all - did not show for mediation or any hearings. Father has prior drug and alcohol problems. Agreement also states that our son is not to be left with anyone under 18 because of health issues (asthma & complications).

    During the most recent visit (which was supposed to last 6 weeks) I brought my son home after two. Over the last year things had been going well. He had been calling our son once a week and sending the occasional care package. He was paying (through garnishment) his child support every month. Him and I were having civil conversations on the phone. The visit last Christmas seemed to go well.

    During this visit the Father's fiancé (who I also get along with) called me at 11:30 one night saying Father and our son were not home and she couldn't get ahold of them. Asked me to call which I did and couldn't reach them either. She called me at 2:30 am to state that they came home but she wasn't sure if he was drunk because she immediately went to bed in another room because she was mad. During the 11:30 call she stated he had been drinking a lot lately and they had been fighting and she was ready to leave him.

    A couple of days later one of the older children (15) from a different marriage (who I lived with for many years and who still call me mom) text me to say she was really upset but couldn't talk now but would call me soon.

    Then I get a call from the ex-wife one morning who is hysterical. The father kept the older two children from a different marriage because the fiancé left him and he had no one to watch our son while he was at work so instead of returning his older children on visitation schedule he refused. She went to pick them up. Found them in charge of my son. The house was wrecked with no food. The older children told her that he had been drinking and driving with the kids, called the older girls a variety of names not conducive to a public forum and definitely not appropriate towards teenage girls, had taken the kids rafting and put all kids on one raft while he launched first on another - the kids raft flipped and pinned my 5yo son underneath (have since spoken to older kids they state they thought he was going to die - and confirmed everything else).

    I asked my son about the raft trip (Did you have a raft flip while you were out there?) and he got extremely upset and told me his daddy was no where around and his sisters saved him.

    Father used to be a drug addict (coke/meth). He has always struggled with alcohol. I do not want to send my son back out there under these circumstances.

    I do not want to deny my son knowing his father.

    Father's family lives in his area but they all think that he walks on water and while they are a good family - I am pretty sure that if I ask for supervised visitation under them they will end up letting the father take my son without supervision. They think that I am being irrational and that the other kids, and the fiancé, and the ex are all making it up. I KNOW they are not because the stories correlate, you can hear the upset/fear in their voices, and I KNOW the father - I lived with him for 7 years and know his patterns.

    What do I do? I am at a loss as to what to do next. The Father will not return my calls/messages. The older kids are willing to make statements but I'm not sure if I can legally ask for that? And I'm not sure what to even ask for in court that will both keep my son safe and allow him to know his dad.

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Father is Endangering My Child

    Parenthood is not perfect. No one has the right to put themselves in your shoes and tell you what to do in this situation. It might be advisable to discuss your story with childrens services and get their opinion.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Inland Empire
    Posts
    1,410

    Default Re: Father is Endangering My Child

    Quote Quoting ConfusedInCO
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Colorado. The father resides in another state.

    Background: My son's father moved to another state last year. We have a parental agreement in place with the court but we did not modify it when he left. We came to a verbal agreement that our son would visit him 1-2 weeks over Christmas and 4-6 weeks during the summer. I have full custody. Parental agreement states that Father is not to consume alcohol for 24 hours prior to and thru visitation. Father refused to participate in court at all - did not show for mediation or any hearings. Father has prior drug and alcohol problems. Agreement also states that our son is not to be left with anyone under 18 because of health issues (asthma & complications).

    During the most recent visit (which was supposed to last 6 weeks) I brought my son home after two. Over the last year things had been going well. He had been calling our son once a week and sending the occasional care package. He was paying (through garnishment) his child support every month. Him and I were having civil conversations on the phone. The visit last Christmas seemed to go well.

    During this visit the Father's fiancé (who I also get along with) called me at 11:30 one night saying Father and our son were not home and she couldn't get ahold of them. Asked me to call which I did and couldn't reach them either. She called me at 2:30 am to state that they came home but she wasn't sure if he was drunk because she immediately went to bed in another room because she was mad. During the 11:30 call she stated he had been drinking a lot lately and they had been fighting and she was ready to leave him.

    A couple of days later one of the older children (15) from a different marriage (who I lived with for many years and who still call me mom) text me to say she was really upset but couldn't talk now but would call me soon.

    Then I get a call from the ex-wife one morning who is hysterical. The father kept the older two children from a different marriage because the fiancé left him and he had no one to watch our son while he was at work so instead of returning his older children on visitation schedule he refused. She went to pick them up. Found them in charge of my son. The house was wrecked with no food. The older children told her that he had been drinking and driving with the kids, called the older girls a variety of names not conducive to a public forum and definitely not appropriate towards teenage girls, had taken the kids rafting and put all kids on one raft while he launched first on another - the kids raft flipped and pinned my 5yo son underneath (have since spoken to older kids they state they thought he was going to die - and confirmed everything else).

    I asked my son about the raft trip (Did you have a raft flip while you were out there?) and he got extremely upset and told me his daddy was no where around and his sisters saved him.

    Father used to be a drug addict (coke/meth). He has always struggled with alcohol. I do not want to send my son back out there under these circumstances.

    I do not want to deny my son knowing his father.

    Father's family lives in his area but they all think that he walks on water and while they are a good family - I am pretty sure that if I ask for supervised visitation under them they will end up letting the father take my son without supervision. They think that I am being irrational and that the other kids, and the fiancé, and the ex are all making it up. I KNOW they are not because the stories correlate, you can hear the upset/fear in their voices, and I KNOW the father - I lived with him for 7 years and know his patterns.

    What do I do? I am at a loss as to what to do next. The Father will not return my calls/messages. The older kids are willing to make statements but I'm not sure if I can legally ask for that? And I'm not sure what to even ask for in court that will both keep my son safe and allow him to know his dad.

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
    My advice to you is to follow the court order to the letter. If he moved and he did not motion to modify the order then that is on him. If he motions to modify the order, you can make a motion yourself requesting whatever it is you want (supervised visitation, whatever). Just be ready to prove your case. When I say prove your case, I mean police reports and reports to CPS for the neglect you say your son has suffered.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Louisville, KY
    Posts
    1,877

    Default Re: Father is Endangering My Child

    Quote Quoting Antigone
    View Post
    My advice to you is to follow the court order to the letter. If he moved and he did not motion to modify the order then that is on him. If he motions to modify the order, you can make a motion yourself requesting whatever it is you want (supervised visitation, whatever). Just be ready to prove your case. When I say prove your case, I mean police reports and reports to CPS for the neglect you say your son has suffered.
    That didn't work very well for Dylan Redwine's mom...(but I understand that legally, this is the only advice that is appropriate.)

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