Ordered Not to Be Around My Child - Can She Run Away to Live With Me

[2ndchancemommmy]

Is there anyone around here with an opinion that actually matters?

How about anyone in this forum (since I was moved to this forum by someone else) that knows about Iowa law?

[Mr. Knowitall]

Ok, so I first put this into a child custody forum, but somehow the title has been changed. I have never encourage her to run away to come live with me. I have told her that we have to do this the legal way. If people would read my first post, it says that her dad has told her that she could run away at 16. She gets mad daily when I tell her that we can't do things the way she wants to or at the pace that she wants to. She asked me today if I would do some research, so I started this post to get opinions. Apparently, this is not a site for people who actually have those, but for people who want to sit there and judge based on someone's mistakes.

It's not a child custody question - you have no parent-child relationship with the child. Your original thread title was, "Emancipation vs Running Away - What to Do", so quite obviously you were talking about having your child run away. Her dad telling her that he would give her permission to live elsewhere was not telling her "she could run away at 16.". Not even in the same ballpark.

If your parental rights were terminated thirteen years ago, other than the court order stating that you are not to be around the child, you have no legal relationship with the child. You can bring a motion before the court that limits your access to the child and ask for relief from that order. If your parental rights were terminated that motion may have to be brought by the father.

It's not clear from what you write, whether you've been ordered not to be in the child's presence or if you've been ordered not to have any contact with the child. Either way, it sounds like you and the father have chosen not to abide by the terms of the order, so depending on the facts that may become an issue in any court proceedings relating to the order.

[2ndchancemommmy]

Finally, someone who is addressing the issue.

Ok, my rights were terminated 13 years ago. Last year, her father had talked to DHS and they told him that it was ultimately his decision whether he wanted to bring me into my daughter's life. She is the one who came to him about me coming back into her life and he thought that it was time for this. He got into trouble just a few months ago.

The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member. I am allowed to see her. SHE just wants more than that. I know that kids at this age, they tend not to be happy with their current situations and always want more. They always seem to over-exaggerate the situations as well.

I am not worried about where she is living, I know the woman she is living with and she is a good woman. I was just wondering if there was anything that she can do since she does not want to live there? That's all. Thanks for the related response.

[Antigone]

Finally, someone who is addressing the issue.

Ok, my rights were terminated 13 years ago. Last year, her father had talked to DHS and they told him that it was ultimately his decision whether he wanted to bring me into my daughter's life. She is the one who came to him about me coming back into her life and he thought that it was time for this. He got into trouble just a few months ago.

The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member. I am allowed to see her. SHE just wants more than that. I know that kids at this age, they tend not to be happy with their current situations and always want more. They always seem to over-exaggerate the situations as well.

I am not worried about where she is living, I know the woman she is living with and she is a good woman. I was just wondering if there was anything that she can do since she does not want to live there? That's all. Thanks for the related response.

Here is your first post - your story has completely changed.

Okay, so long story made short. I was a young mom and made some mistakes. My daughter was taken away from me when she was 2. Her father recently brought me back into her life and things were going really great. Well, he got into some deep trouble. Since she was taken from me when she was younger, the state of Iowa says that I am not to be around her. She wants to live with me, but they won't legally let us be around each other. She is with a family member. She is 14, almost 15. Her dad is telling her that when she turns 16, she can go where ever she wants to. She says that she will just run away to live with me. I do not think that Iowa has legal emancipation laws for these kinds of circumstance. What can I do? Or what can she do?

[2ndchancemommmy]

My bad for the wording. I AM ALLOWED TO BE AROUND HER FOR VISITATION JUST NOT LIVING WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

If you were not so quick to judge everyone on this website, maybe people would actually listen to you.

[Mr. Knowitall]

The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member.

So dad is in some sort of trouble (is this about incarceration?), the state (i.e., protective services) says that the child must live with a family member, and due to the termination of your parental rights you are not legally considered to be a family member. Dad can attempt to get protective services to change its mind about the family member restriction or, in the alternative, he can place her with a family member.

A child under the jurisdiction of protective services is not free to run away to live with somebody that has not been approved as a placement.

[2ndchancemommmy]

Ok, we tried to get her to live with my sister. They wouldn't even give that a second thought. I understand that it's MY sister is the possible reason. But we were thinking her because my neices and nephews were there to help her through all that she is going through. My neice and her are like best friends. What my daughter is going through right now and what she has been through her entire life is not fair for her. I just want what is best for her and it seems like I keep doing what is not best for her. Part of me believes that she is being taken care of really well where she is now and not to rock that boat. You know, but then she gets all emotional. She has not had her mother in her life and because I messed up, she won't get the mother she deserves. Just a part time one. Funny how I realize all of this after the mistake. I hope she can take what I will have to say to her about the living with me thing. Thanks.

[cbg]

She is allowed to live wherever she wants when she is 18. Not 16. 18.

[cdwjava]

It is simple, if a court has ordered you to remain away from her, YOU CAN GO TO JAIL for violating that order. If she runs away and moves in with you, you will not only be guilty of violating the court order, but also could be charged with charges related to contributing to her delinquency, custodial interference, or whatever laws in your state address such issues. The issue as to whether or not what the state did was fair is moot. Unless you can go back to court and get this order reversed, you are required to obey the court's order.

So, if she does run away and shows up on your doorstep, immediately notify the local authorities to advise them she is there.

When she is age 18, and if the order no longer applies when she is a legal adult, then you can spend all the time you want with her.

[LawResearcherMissy]

Is there anyone around here with an opinion that actually matters?

Translation: "Why won't anyone tell me what I want to hear, instead of giving me legally accurate information? You're all a bunch of meanie-poopie-heads!"

Is that about right?

Truthfully? We don't know you, don't need to know you, and really don't actually care about you. All we need to know is the information you gave us. That information is that the courts stripped you of your parental rights and issued an order requiring that you not be together.

Legally, you do not have a daughter. (Biologically, sure, but not legally.) Your rights were terminated, so legally you are a stranger to this child and if she runs away to be with you, you WILL find yourself in water of the hottest sort, to wit:

violating the court order, but also could be charged with charges related to contributing to her delinquency, custodial interference

...and probably harboring a runaway to top it off.

It doesn't matter what she wants. Of course she's emotional. She's a teenager, it's what they do. That's pretty much why we have a legal age of majority - teenagers don't really think rationally until their hormones settle down. You claim to care about this girl, so BE THE DAMNED GROWNUP. Put your foot down, tell her NO, and let her be mad.

Every answer you have received here has been legally correct. If you're going to insist on throwing a fit because you don't like what you've been told, go pay an attorney to tell you the same things. Some people only value what they pay for, it seems.