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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Orangefield, Texas, United States
    Posts
    3

    Default How to Get a Child's Name Changed Without the Consent of the Dad

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Texas

    Ok, so I'm not sure if I'v got this is the right thread or not, but here we go.

    My children are 4 and 3 years old. They have not seen their bio father since February 2011. He has paid child support but is over $4k behind. I dont know where he lives now or how to contact him. I do know that he has a new girl friend and and new baby, but that is all I know.

    We were together 3 years from 2007-2010 and in that time he did drugs and wouldnt keep a job, was verbally abusive to me and the kids. He screamed so loudly in my son's face (who at the time was only 2-3 months old)that at 3 he is still terrified of any loud noise. We have gone to court. I have full custody and he has supervised visits, if he passes a mandatory drug test.

    I am wanting to change my children's names to either my maiden name or to the step father's name. He and I have been married for almost 2 years and he has wanted to adopt them but we have to get the bio dad's rights revoked. and i cant file for abandonment because he paid his child support 6 months ago. and he has to go 2 years with no contact at all. including child support.

    My lawyer just keeps telling me to wait till he is $5-6k behind and then contact him and offer him a deal. saying that if he signs over his rights we will drop all back child support claims and he wont have to go to jail. which seems like an ok plan but im so tired of all this waiting and if he keeps making payments just every now and then when he has a job and its pulled from his checks i wont ever be able to get there.

    If i have to go to court to get the name change approve i will. i just want something to get done. Their father obviously doesn't care about them he just feels this is a game and if he keeps his rights he wins.

    please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Termination of Paternal Rights, and Child Name Change with Out the Consent of the

    You're attempting to do what's colloquially known as a "backdoor adoption".

    Listen to your attorney.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Orangefield, Texas, United States
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Termination of Paternal Rights, and Child Name Change with Out the Consent of the

    I don't like that, it makes it sound all sneaky and I'm not being sneaky. There's not even a way for me to have their names changed to my maiden name? I feel like it would be better for them when they get into school.

    I am listening to my lawyer, as I don't have much of a choice. I just wanted a second opinion, ya know. I'm impatient, and I've been going at this for 3 years now and haven't accomplished anything. It just feels like, since I took him to court everything is better for him. He can choose to be a parent or not, he can say hes going to the visitation and not show which is just a waste of gas for me. It's so frustrating

  4. #4

    Default Re: Termination of Paternal Rights, and Child Name Change with Out the Consent of the

    Unfortunately, when in a relationship like this:

    We were together 3 years from 2007-2010 and in that time he did drugs and wouldnt keep a job, was verbally abusive to me and the kids
    ...it probably isn't a good idea to make such a person a parent, because the reality is that what you see usually really is what you get, and becoming a parent doesn't make someone change their stripes for the better in most cases. The bummer is that once you make such a person a parent, you're generally stuck with them until either (a) the court can clearly find abandonment, which isn't likely with sporadic child support payments, or (b) you've got a strong case that termination of parental rights (along with step parent adoption) is in the child's best interest. You don't have to wait any prescribed length of time before asking the court for that termination and adoption, but courts don't terminate parental rights easily, and certainly not without some MAJOR reason for doing so - such as being convicted of crimes involving a child, violence against the child, or a very lengthy prison sentence, etc. Paying sporadically and being hinky with his visitation realistically isn't going to cause a court to terminate his parental rights (the BIGGEST right anyone ever has, and HARD to take away, on purpose), especially if dad isn't willing to voluntarily give up those rights. You can certainly try, but it's a process that won't be easy, won't be cheap (start with a $10k retainer), and most certainly isn't going to be quick - especially if dad contests it. Your attorney is really limited to working with the circumstances as they exist, and apparently they feel that as things stand right now, there isn't really grounds to make an argument for termination at this point. Multiple last names within a family is so common these days, it's really not the issue that it was 20 or 30 years ago - so if that's the "best interest" reason you're working from, realisitcally it's going nowhere. Your attorney has the most information about your local judges, how they've ruled in similar cases with similar circumstances, and if they are telling you that it's a waste of time and money at this time, there's nothing you've presented here that would suggest otherwise. Of course if you're willing to "attorney shop", and plunk down a big wad of cash, you can probably find an attorney willing to take your money and stand up in court and go through the motions. Chances you can find someone willing to take your money are probably 100%. Chances they could WIN as things stand today? Probably less than 10%, or less if dad fights it.

    Their father obviously doesn't care about them he just feels this is a game and if he keeps his rights he wins.
    It isn't about "winning" or even fairness, it's about legalities and rights of the father regarding his child, as well as the right of the child to have, now or some time in the future, a relationship with their parent. Things can be perfectly legal yet far from fair, and that's apparent nowhere better than in child custody issues. He was deemed fit enough to be made a parent, which gave him rights, it'll now take a court finding overwhelming reasons to revoke those rights. So far, the reasons given just aren't overwhelming. Apparantly your attorney has a long range plan, and that may be your only option.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Orangefield, Texas, United States
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Termination of Paternal Rights, and Child Name Change with Out the Consent of the

    It didn't start that way. He started doing drugs openly after I got pregnant and became more and more abusive after my daughter was born. He never hit me and I never got pictures of the handprints he left on her when he spanked her. That's my fault. All of it is because I put his name on the both certificates. I was trying to be a good person and partner and all I did was protect his rights. Its frustrating how slow this process is. I was hoping to get some advice that could speed it up. Oh well.

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