DHS Took Kids Away from Mom

[losinmymind]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Arkansas

I am on both birth certificates of my 3yr and 1 and a half yr old. I was there for both of their births and supported them in the same household as their mother for most of the their life aside from 6 months of my oldest when their mother left the state and I had left them after this past Christmas. I left because their mother was excessively drinking, running around, and pawning off the kids to their 80yr old gma who can hardly walk.

I worked nights and would come home and take care of the kids till noon or later most days because the mom was to hung over. I was tired of being the designated "babysitter" so the mother could sleep and party with no responsibilities. The police were called on a regular basis that they knew the problems before they even arrived. They knew the house well which is saying a bunch in a small town. It wasn't a relationship. I always was able to provide stability to the girls and I was the hardest decision in my life to choose to leave them. Not a hour goes by that I don't think about them or the things we are missing out on. I left so I could try and better myself outside of the small town in Arkansas with no opportunities so I moved in with my mom in Colorado.

I am currently looking for a job and have been with very little success. I cannot afford an attorney. More than a year or so ago I tried to file for legal aide and was turned down because the mother had already filed and they called that a conflict of interest. Less than a month ago my ex got arrested for public intox and endangering a minor the same day she was put on probation for another charge. Less than 2 weeks later she was arrested again for public intox and endangering a minor times two. The very next day DHS came and took the kids and the mom is now in jail for a while. I do have a criminal record of 3 misdemeanor possession of marijuana in 2 states in 2004-2005.

She has no family and my family is all out of state. DHS had 2 unsubstantiated claims of neglect while I was not there the first time and once when I was there for both of us failing a drug test for marijuana 6 months before I left. There was a follow up in which we both passed and we heard nothing else. The mother and I were never married nor has there been a DNA test or court orders. It took me almost a week to even get a hold of DHS to get any kind of update which was very little.

I'm lost and scared and worried about my girls. What comes next? What do I do to speed this process up? How do I make sure I get my girls and they don't stay in foster care? How do I remain the number 1 choice for placement and not an overzealous grandparent? What happens if one or both of them end up not being mine biologically? What can I do?

[aardvarc]

I am on both birth certificates of my 3yr and 1 and a half yr old.

Ok, so that answers an important questions, as to whether you're the legal father or not, and you are.

I left so I could try and better myself outside of the small town in Arkansas with no opportunities so I moved in with my mom in Colorado.

Here's where the court is going to have an issue with you. Despite all your complaints against mom's lack of parenting, you LEFT the children WITH HER. And then left the state. That's not going to make the court have ANY level of feeling of warm and fuzzy about you as a parent. It looks like, and the court will treat it, as abandonment.

I am currently looking for a job and have been with very little success.

If you plan to be part of your children's lives, you need to be looking for a job in Arkansas. Now that the children have become the responsibility of the state, since mom is unfit and you weren't around, they're going to KEEP the children there until some final disposition comes about. They're either going to be placed in foster care, or you're going to move to Arkansas, get your life together, and attempt to convince the court that it's in the children's best interest to have you back in their lives as a parent. Honestly, it's going to be an uphill battle, and one you really have no chance of winning if you're out of state.

I cannot afford an attorney.

You don't necessarily have to have one - but now that the state has taken your children, you're going to need all the help you can get if there's any hope of getting them back. Start by checking for father's rights groups in Arkansas, check with the law schools to see if any of them have family clinics where students work under licensed attorneys to assist with cases, etc.

The very next day DHS came and took the kids and the mom is now in jail for a while. I do have a criminal record of 3 misdemeanor possession of marijuana in 2 states in 2004-2005.

So DHS is essentially considering mom unfit, and you're not in the state - meaning you're not a viable option for them, even for temporary placement. With no other family in the state, that leaves DHS with few options other than foster care. The danger for you is that the courts don't want to treat children like rag dolls and move them here there and everywhere. The longer the children stay in foster care, especially if the family is available and willing to become a perminent placement family, the less chance you have of the court finding it in their best interest to uproot them yet again. Time is not your friend in this situation.

She has no family and my family is all out of state.

That's why foster care has been implemented.

DHS had 2 unsubstantiated claims of neglect while I was not there the first time and once when I was there for both of us failing a drug test for marijuana 6 months before I left.

So even if you were there, DHS isn't going to nominate you for parent of the year either. That's a tough spot to be in, and one that, frankly, doesn't bode well for you and the children ending up together unless you've seriously blossomed since leaving the children behind AND have a killer attorney working on your behalf.

The mother and I were never married nor has there been a DNA test or court orders.

You're already established as the legal father, so not being married or having a DNA test doesn't work against you.

It took me almost a week to even get a hold of DHS to get any kind of update which was very little.

Yes, they typically give out only as much information as they have to in order to get what they need for their own legal case on behalf of the children. That's why YOU need an attorney to look out for YOUR interests, because DHS won't be working to assist you.

I'm lost and scared and worried about my girls. What comes next?

That will depend on if DHS has a case plan in place for mom or not. If there is a case plan, and mom is actively working the plan, the children may remain in foster care only long enough for mom to clean up her act and get the children back (that's always the preferred goal for DHS, reuniting children with their parents when possible). If mom either has failed a plan, or has had her parental rights terminated by the courts, then DHS will be looking for placement of the children. As noted above, having no family in the state, including you, their options are going to be limited. We'd really need to know the status of mom's case with DHS before we could know what DHS might be thinking for the future.

What do I do to speed this process up?

1) get an attorney to represent your interests in the children's case
2) get to Arkansas
3) get a job and a place to live that a court would approve for children
4) jump through whatever hoops DHS is going to want before they'll consider you a proper placement possibility

How do I make sure I get my girls and they don't stay in foster care?

You can't make sure - you were out of the loop long enough that the state had to step in to protect the children, so at this point you can only fight the fight. What ultimately happens will be up to a judge.

How do I remain the number 1 choice for placement and not an overzealous grandparent?

You're not even in the game at all if you're out of state. If you were IN the state, you'd still not be the #1 choice, due to past drug issues, prior abandonment of the children, and a previous complaint of neglect while you were still there. Even if that complaint was unfounded, it's not going to paint a good picture of you as being the best choice of guardian for the children. DHS and the courts aren't going to be interested in taking the children from one unfit parent and placing them with another parent who may be less unfit but still questionable. This is why you need an attorney.

I was tired of being the designated "babysitter"

When you tell the judge that you left because you didn't want to be the only one responsible for the children, what do you think the judge is going to do in a case when you're asking to be the only one responsible for the children now? By actions, you've exhibited before that you're not ready or willing to play the single parent. If that's changed, you're going to need an attorney with major charm and a silver tongue, along with some substantial changes in your living situation and location before the court is going give consideration to a parent whose already left the children behind once. I know that sounds harsh, but that's what the judge is going to be looking at VERY hard. The court doesn't want to have to worry what you'll do the next time you get "tired" of your children.

What happens if one or both of them end up not being mine biologically?

Who is going to question it? You're already established as the father. Unless some other man comes forward to challenge that he is the father, paternity is a done deal at this point.

What can I do?

1) get an attorney to represent your interests in the children's case
2) get to Arkansas
3) get a job and a place to live that a court would approve for children
- if you're not sure what factors they'd be looking for, try a Gooogle search for "foster parents" in Arkansas - foster parents have to meet certain standards in experience/training, living conditions, and using the state's own grading "scale" is at least a place to start to evaluate whether you'd meet minimums
4) work with your attorney to jump through whatever hoops DHS is going to want before they'll consider you a proper placement possibility (things like parenting classes, CPR certification, etc are always helpful and can help show the court that there may be renewed interest in the children's welfare)

[losinmymind]

I did not have much choice but to leave. I could not find a job in town. The car I had just bought threw the computer and transmission. She was becoming very physical with me. One time she had up and slugged me in the jaw. I called the cops and would have pressed charges but her gma told the cops that if I had pressed charges then they would press charges on me. I didn't do anything that would warrant any kind of charge but it would be my word against theirs. I hated that kids had to witness that and cops coming on a regular basis because of her. There were numerous time I felt that it would be unwise for me to even go to work at times. At times she had prevented me from going to work by pulling the fuses out of the car that I was using but gma wouldn't press charges on her. She never would until she hit the gma. that is why she was put on probation. As much as I hated leaving I felt that it would be best if they would come with me but mom wouldn't let that happen. I left as a choice of the lesser of two evils. Stay and let the kids witness mom and dad fighting or leave and hope that would help. When I got a job my plan was to do everything I could to take them away. DHS supervisor told me that if they came to take away the kids while I was in the same household then I would be in the same position as the mom. I have no way to reestablish myself in Arkansas. I never got tired of the kids. I would work nights come home and stay up the whole day to take care of them because their mother was gone and unreachable and then go back to work without any sleep. I sacrificed so much and I will sacrifice more but I don't see moving back to arkanasas as a viable solution to the long run

- - - Updated - - -

and the mom just got her probation revoked. she got a sentence of 4-8yrs. I was told with good behavior she will be out in 8 months??
not really worried about her