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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Florida
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    11

    Default Changing My Son's Last Name

    My question involves name change laws in the State of: Florida

    My son is 4 years old. His father and I were never married and paternity has never been established in court (no child support or visitation). I desperately tried for the first 3 years to make him be a part of his sons life, but to no avail. At this time he hasn't seen or spoken to his son in 1 year and 5 months. He occasionally sends me random text messages to call me names, etc. He has told me on more than 1 occasion that he has no intentions of ever paying child support and has no interest in being in his sons life. The random times he texts me he's never once asked about his son or even mentioned his name. I have screenshots of all the times he's said he wants nothing to do with him.

    When he was born, his father and I were living together. When he was 3 months old I had to flee due to his fathers severe alcohol abuse and growing abuse towards me. Anyway, I gave my son his last name on the birth certificate and his father signed the birth certificate also. At this point I want to change my sons last name to my own. Not to close any door on his father at some time making the right decision to get clean and come around, but because since he's not around, it would be easier for me to have the same last name as my son. I don't know where his father lives and the last time I actually spoke to him on the phone (almost 2 years ago), he told me he's living in NC. I've recently asked him for his address via text (he won't answer my phone calls) and he's refused to give it to me because he knows I'm asking for court reasons.

    So my question is this: I know that if I have contact with him (or at least have a phone number) that I need to have him served, however I can't serve him because he refuses to give me his address. I've tried to find him online, but searching his name for the entire state of NC has given me nothing. So how do I go about this? What is a judge going to say when I tell him that yes, I have a working phone number for him but no, I didn't have him served because he won't tell me where he lives. Promise! lol Do I just use constructive service, post it in a newspaper and be done with it? I'd like to do this without paying for a lawyer because the process itself is pretty cut and dry. I guess I just would like some opinions on if constructive service, along with my explanation to the judge of these circumstances, and print outs of the texts refusing to give me his address will suffice? I don't want to spend the money to file and everything else only for the judge to tell me I didn't do enough.

    Thanks for any feedback!

  2. #2

    Default Re: Changing My Son's Last Name

    Quote Quoting samasc
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    I desperately tried for the first 3 years to make him be a part of his sons life, but to no avail.
    You don't MAKE someone be part of their child's life. They either want to, or they don't. They best way to gage if someone WANTS to be an active and involved parent is how they act BEFORE the child is conceived - are the talking about having children, making plans, marrying you to provide a stable family environment and committment? If not, then it's it may be overly optimistic about how dedicated such a person might be when a child comes along. What you see with people is usually what you get. If they fail to behave in ways that indicate committment to the family, that's a big sign that everything isn't going to be hunky dory just because a child appears on the scene.


    he has no intentions of ever paying child support
    That's something he'll have to work out with the courts, if you take him to court for child support. Until you do, he's under no obligation to pay child support.


    and has no interest in being in his sons life.
    For your child's sake, keep praying - you never know what could develop in dad's life to make him realize how much he's missing by not developing a relationship with his child.



    When he was 3 months old I had to flee due to his fathers severe alcohol abuse and growing abuse towards me.
    Congrats on taking this hard step for the safety of yourself and your child!


    Anyway, I gave my son his last name on the birth certificate and his father signed the birth certificate also. At this point I want to change my sons last name to my own. Not to close any door on his father at some time making the right decision to get clean and come around, but because since he's not around, it would be easier for me to have the same last name as my son.
    Unfortunately, making things easy for you isn't going to be a reason the court will honor - the court will be concerned about (1) the best interest of the child, and (2) the rights of the legally established father whose child bears his name. At best, the reality is that your child may end up with a hyphenated last name. Not sure how much easier that'll make things - but the court isn't going to chop dad's name altogether without there being some significant reason.


    I don't know where his father lives and the last time I actually spoke to him on the phone (almost 2 years ago), he told me he's living in NC. I've recently asked him for his address via text (he won't answer my phone calls) and he's refused to give it to me because he knows I'm asking for court reasons. So my question is this: I know that if I have contact with him (or at least have a phone number) that I need to have him served, however I can't serve him because he refuses to give me his address. I've tried to find him online, but searching his name for the entire state of NC has given me nothing. So how do I go about this?
    Fastest is usually to pay for a couple of hours of the time of a private investigator who has access to lots of databases and does searches like this for a living. They'll also be able to provide a detailed description of what and how they searched, which goes a long way to convincing a judge that you've done everything reasonable to try to locate dad to get him served.


    What is a judge going to say when I tell him that yes, I have a working phone number for him but no, I didn't have him served because he won't tell me where he lives.
    The judge will say: so what did you do to find out? What databases did you check? What public records did you access? Did you use a private investigator?


    Do I just use constructive service, post it in a newspaper and be done with it?
    That's only ONE of many possible avenues.


    I'd like to do this without paying for a lawyer because the process itself is pretty cut and dry. I guess I just would like some opinions on if constructive service, along with my explanation to the judge of these circumstances, and print outs of the texts refusing to give me his address will suffice?
    It's actually NOT that cut and dry. Every judge is different, and if the constructive service doesn't make your particular judge happy, then the name change (hyphenated) will either be denied, or can be overturned by dad at a later time. The way to deal with cases like this is to FIRST work with an attorney to get your case filed, then, once a specific judge is assigned, your attorney, based on their local experience with your local judges, can best formulate what's going to make your judge happy. If the judge isn't happy, no one's happy.


    I don't want to spend the money to file and everything else only for the judge to tell me I didn't do enough.
    That's exactly why you need an attorney who is familiar with your local judges. Otherwise you'll spend time and money on stuff the judge doesn't care about, or will neglect to cover the few really important things the judge on your case wants to see. You can't know until you've GOT a judge assigned to a case.

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