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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    3

    Default Divorce of a Battered Wife

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: California

    Hello all.

    I have a question regarding a friend of mine.

    She's about 35 and has a son of 10. She's married for 11 years. She is unfortunately a battered wife. Her husband abuses her psychologically and even physically some times.

    She is a housewife. Her husband is pretty rich but she completely depends on him. That's the way he likes to control her.

    Now, she is contemplating divorce. But the questions she has are pertaining to two things :

    1) Is she entitled to an alimony? if so, what can she expect? Is it going to be a single big settlement or monthly payment?

    2) Who will have the custody of the child? He is dangerous and abusive. But he hasn't hurt the kid in any way. How will the child custody be decided.

    Please help. She's kind of desperate and cannot really afford a lawyer. Also, being so timid and shy, she doesn't dare to ask these questions from anyone.

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    OH10
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    17,019

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    Why doesn't she get a job to support herself? If she is so abused, why did she not leave years ago?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    1) A marriage of 10+ years is considered long term in CA, and permanent alimony is a possibility.

    2) Very generally, the child will remain with the primary caregiver. Given that she's been a SAHM for however long, she would likely remain the custodial parent. Dad will get generous parenting time.

    She should seriously look into getting out of the situation and into a women's shelter (with the child).

    I know the question might seem completely out of left field, but is she an immigrant? There's a reason I'm asking

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    403

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    Eleven years may entitle her to spousal support, but it isn't a sure thing. She will need to discuss this with an attorney. Really, she needs to get a job if she intends to start a life for herself.

    Custody will be decided based on the best interest of the child. Many men who are abusive toward their wives are not abusive towards their children. If he wants custody, he has a right to fight for it. If he doesn't want physical custody, he will still be entitled to visitation.

    She needs to remember to call the police and make a report whenever these incidents happen. If she tries to bring up his abuse in a custody case, the judge will say, "Why was this not reported?" If the answer is anything other than "It was reported," then his abuse will not matter. It won't matter without proof.

    Also, tell her to seek out abused women shelters for resources on how to move past this.

    Ah! Dogmatique beat me to it. I'll just say "What she said."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    Thank you so much Dogmatique and Shortie.

    Actually, once a neighbor had called the police for domestic disturbance. The police questioned them. She refused to give a complain to the police. But the record of the report of domestic disturbance must be available with the police. Will that help in proving domestic abuse?

    Also, if the divorce results in her losing her son, she would rather remain in that abusive relationship. This is the unfortunate problem.

    What can she do to make sure that she has the custody of the child?

    Please help.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    There is nothing which will guarantee custody.

    She must realize though, that staying in an abusive relationship for the sake of the child is NEVER a good idea - she's actually going to hurt the child.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    Thanks Dominique.

    I understand and I have personally told her to get help from women groups. I was willing to call them and help. But she is just too afraid. It's one of those situations.

    But, tell me this, what are the chances that she gets the custody of the child? Won't his abusive behavior towards her a good reason to not have child custody?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Divorce of a Battered Wife

    The courts look at many things.

    But there's no proof of abuse towards Mom. Not only is it her word against his, it's also a common tactic used during divorce proceedings. The courts are aware of this, and that's why they'll generally require hard evidence that abuse has occurred.

    And as Shortie also indicated, abuse towards the parent does by no means guarantee abuse towards the child.

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