Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
View Post
But as far as my child support goes I have no problems in paying these bills and even instructed my lawyer not to oppose any of it during the divorce. He is my son and he is my responsibility and I am more than glad to pay.
Good.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
She informed me last fall that she had a man living with her for 2 months. I looked up the alimony laws and found DRL 248. So I filed to have the alimony dropped. How I read it is plain and simple. The lesser moneied spouse can lose the support in this event. And they were a couple not just roomates. They bought a car together, and etc. The whole deal.
Let's take a look at the law:
Quote Quoting NY Dom Rel, Sec. 248. Modification of judgment or order in action for divorce or annulment.
Where an action for divorce or for annulment or for a declaration of the nullity of a void marriage is brought by a husband or wife, and a final judgment of divorce or a final judgment annulling the marriage or declaring its nullity has been rendered, the court, by order upon the application of the husband on notice, and on proof of the marriage of the wife after such final judgment, must modify such final judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the provisions of such final judgment or orders, or of both, directing payments of money for the support of the wife. The court in its discretion upon application of the husband on notice, upon proof that the wife is habitually living with another man and holding herself out as his wife, although not married to such man, may modify such final judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the provisions of such final judgment or orders or of both, directing payment of money for the support of such wife.
The court is obligated to act only upon remarriage. The court has the discretion to revisit the amount based upon habitual cohabitation. The court exercised its discretion by ruling against you. You have chosen not to share with us the court's rationale, but it is generally difficult to prove an abuse of discretion by a court. If you want to try, discuss the record and the court's findings with a local lawyer in relation to a possible appeal.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
In turn she filed that I didn't pay my share of the medical bills, daycare costs, and attorney's fees. In regards to the medical bills I had copies of the checks AND copies of the reciepts from the various doctors with account numbers on all of them. She had no proof that she paid anything at all.
I'm not sure why you believe that your ex- would have to prove that she paid her share of the bills. That wasn't the issue before the court. If you proved you paid your share, that would resolve the claim.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
The babysitter thing is a bit more complicated. She hired an expensive private nanny off the books (and she stated it was off the books in court). I didn't want any part of it, so I told her I was going to pay her 75% (what the divorce settlement orders stated) of a fully licensed and legal daycare. I basically took the position that I'm going to follow the letter of the law and not be involved in funny business.
And the judge heard the evidence and ruled.... you didn't tell us. I guess we're to infer that you lost, but you again haven't shared the judge's rationale with us.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
How can a judge rule as she did?
In terms of denying your motion to modify alimony, the judge can rule as she did because the statute explicitly authorizes her to do so.

In terms of payment for medical care, assuming the court found your documentation lacking, it would be because the court found your documentation lacking. Beyond that, you would have to tell us.

In terms of payment for child care, presumably the court found that your ex's payments were consistent with its existing order and that, while perhaps sympathetic to the possibility of a motion to amend, it was not your place to ignore the order and define the amount you would pay in defiance of the order. But we can only guess - again, you need to tell us.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
I don't know where I went wrong. I had the reciepts, the law in my favor. I don't want to "toot my own horn", but I did a really good job in that court room. I researched everything. I looked at every angle that wouldn't help me.
I've seen lawyers do a great job in court only to get hit by an irrational or seemingly capricious ruling, so performance isn't everything. But... every time I've seen a transcript from a pro se litigant who assured me, "I did a great job in court," I have found that the record tells a different story. Pro se litigants tend to confuse argument with evidence, tend to focus on what may be a mistaken interpretation of the law and not recognize when the court is trying to correct (and even help) them. They tend to focus on the facts instead of the law, without understanding the need to relate the facts to the legal issues the court is being asked to decide. They frequently don't understand the burden of proof (either what it is, or who has it) or the standard of review. They often make weak or frivolous objections, or try to build their case on inadmissible evidence, and confuse argument with evidence....
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
The only thing that keeps standing out is that she interned there, and now works there as a cps (child protective services) employee. Am I right in thinking there is a clear conflict of interests?
No.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
This is a crushing feeling to know that I absolutely won and to be told to pay these bills again. To her directly. I already paid the doctors my share.
So... if we are to try to guess what happened in court, the court had ordered you to reimburse your ex- for certain medical expenditures, you went to court attempting to prove that you had paid a portion of the bills directly to the doctors, and the court was not in a situation to audit the various bills and payments you describe so she instead asserted, "My order was that this money be paid to your ex-, not to third parties"? Perhaps the judge's ruling was colored by your disregard of her order on child care costs - the court expects you to follow its orders, not to do your own thing (set your own child care amount because you disapprove of the mother's child care arrangement, pay the doctors directly rather than reimbursing mom because you don't trust mom with the money, etc.). If you don't believe a court's order is appropriate you can bring a motion to modify the order, but until it's modified the court will expect you to follow the existing order.
Quote Quoting GMFWoodchuck
I feel like I made a mistake in paying these bills and even bothering going to court.
When you talk to your lawyer, and you should do so as quickly as possible after the court's decision because deadlines come quickly, you can discuss whether you should seek reconsideration of any portion of the order. If in fact the issue is that you were ordered to reimburse your spouse but instead paid the children's medical care providers, for example, you may be able to argue that you and your ex- had always followed that practice and thus her present objection should not be held against you, or that even if you violated the order it was not intentional, the payments you made represented your 75%, and even if paid to the doctor and not to her you should get credit, with supporting documentation. If the court decided, based on the facts, to treat your direct payments as voluntary and not relevant to her order, the issues become more complex, but we're shooting in the dark here - you haven't told us anything about the ruling other than the bare outcome.

If an appeal is necessary, your lawyer can also try to ensure that there is an adequate record for appeal. Again, you don't want to delay.