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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    29

    Default How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MN and CA

    Both CP and NCP have relocated to CA - but the original custody order AND a recently amended and filed order are from MN court.

    New amended visitation order does not address make-up days, just that NCP (per his request) gets every other Sunday for a few hours. Before the request, we (my husband/stepfather and I) had work-related trip planned on a Sunday that fell on his Sunday. So I offered him a make-up Sunday - he didn't show up; turns out he sent a last minute email to cancel. (Drop off happens at a police station for our safety and to make sure he sticks to no verbal communication clause in our order.)

    Then, he canceled HIS Sunday (next Sunday) and asked for some time this Sunday. I had offered a few hours today but our daughter has a cold, running a fever, etc., so I emailed him to let him know that she's sick. He then demanded that he should now have 3 Sundays in a row. (Which I wouldn't hesitate to give if our daughter weren't just now getting used to visiting with him after a few years of intermittent - as in one day a year and then a few hours 4 times total the past year. She'd prefer to not have 3 Sundays in a row with him...)

    IF the visitation plan does not address make-up days, what are the "normal" expectations? My discretion (which is be as fair as possible)? And what if the make-up day is demanded due to NCP's own cancelation??

    Thanks so much! (Was hoping I wouldn't have any more questions for you guys....)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    As make-up parenting time results from the wrongful denial of access by the custodial parent, the norm tends to be for the parent whose time was wrongly denied to get to choose when the make-up time will occur.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    29

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    "wrongly denied" - does that include when NCP cancels the visitation?

    NCP canceled his regular visitation on the 31st (next Sunday) and asked if he might be able to get a make-up day today (24th, my Sunday). I tried to accommodate him by agreeing... but our daughter got sick yesterday.

    So now he's demanding make-up day for TODAY's cancelation as well as his own initial cancelation on the 31st.

    ...am I wrong to think that this isn't logical?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    Does your order specifically provide for make up time if he cancels? What exactly does it say? If it doesn't say you have to give him makeup time upon his cancellation, then you don't. However, if it doesn't say that dad has to accomodate your schedule when it comes to his time, then he doesn't either. If you are trying to accomodate each other beyond the scope of the order, what agreements you make are at your (plural, as in you and dad) own discretion to work together.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    403

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    You should allow him to make up parenting time for the day that you and your husband went on the trip. You should also allow him to schedule that one at his convenience. However, you don't need to accommodate him for the day that he voluntarily missed unless it says otherwise in your order.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    I tend to disagree slightly. It sounds as if dad has been willing to accommodate mom. If that's the case, then mom should be willing to accommodate dad. If they're going to make it a street to drive on, it needs to be a two way street. If they can't figure out how to work together in that regard, then they both need to stick to the schedule in the order without deviation.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    244

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    Quote Quoting Selany
    View Post
    "wrongly denied" - does that include when NCP cancels the visitation?

    NCP canceled his regular visitation on the 31st (next Sunday) and asked if he might be able to get a make-up day today (24th, my Sunday). I tried to accommodate him by agreeing... but our daughter got sick yesterday.

    So now he's demanding make-up day for TODAY's cancelation as well as his own initial cancelation on the 31st.

    ...am I wrong to think that this isn't logical?
    He didn't cancel on the 31st, he asked you to change his visitation from the 31st to the 24th. While that is up to you to work with dad and rearrange the schedule for the other parent, most courts really expect you to do this from time to time. It's no different then you canceling his one Sunday so you and your husband could go on a trip. Did you bother to ask dad if he would change that for you, or did you just tell him your canceling that day and dad must pick another day?

    Regardless of who canceled what, YOU AGREED to giving him the change and arranged time on the 24th instead. YOU THEN CANCELED that visit because your child was sick. Why? Does your order allow you to cancel because the child is sick? It's not a reason to cancel his time, you would have to ask dad if he was willing to change it because she is sick. Dad can take care of a sick child the same as mom can.

    You agreed to swapping days from the 31st to the 24th. Then you canceled the 24th because the child was sick. So you really need to give dad his make up time. As the CP you can't cancel dads visits, you would owe him make-up time. Your suppose to ask dad if he is willing to swap for you, just like he has to ask you will you swap for him. As the NCP he does not have to exercise his time, and if he chooses to cancel, you don't have to give him make-up time, however courts feel you should make attempts to rearrange the schedule from time to time when the NCP asks to swap days. A child being sick is not a reason for a child to not go on parenting time(exceptions of course to this, but a normal illness would not be one), you would need to handle like any other cancellation, you would need the other parent's permission to change the visit.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    29

    Default Re: How are Make-Up Parenting Days Selected if the Order Doesn't Specify

    Whoa. Sorry for not addressing initial questions!

    1. He has been mostly absent for the past year and half despite living 10 minutes away. HE requested to change the visitation from every other weekend (no overnights) and few days per week to JUST Sunday for a few hours. (To establish the atmosphere of our custody agreement - I WANTED him to do have visitations often and regularly but he is refusing.)

    2. So when he requested this change after not seeing her for about 5 months, I readily agreed with caveat that we had a work related trip and, I guess, it was a swap. He did not show up on the switched day.

    3. He does not want to take care of the child when she is sick because he "doesn't know what to do" with a sick child. The reason I insisted on a regular schedule to be entered and filed with the court WAS because this was what he wanted to do, just get random weekends at his leisure. This is only the 5th Sunday since the new visitation plan went in effect and he's skipped out twice already. I don't know if this falls under "time to time" or back to where we were before when I had to ask him to stick to the regular schedule. He didn't want to do that so we didn't hear from him for 5 months.

    So, what he is demanding is that he gets a "make-up" day for the day she got sick (which was my day to begin with) - he did not want her when she was sick - AND a make-up day for the 31st.

    I also don't expect him to just swap for me - but the order does make provisions for work-related trips/obligations due to what my job entails. I don't cancel his visits; he cancels his own. (I know some of you see this as if I'm withholding time - but our daughter is very wary of him due to the long absence, returning her early from the 3 or 4 hour visitations, or not showing up. I really want to establish some kind of a regular schedule for her.)

    - Mr. Knowitall - I see that you did answer my question. Thank you!

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