How to Get Sole Custody

[dad of 2]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California,
I would like to be granted sole physicial custody. I have been mother and father for my two sons. now ages 10 and 12. I quit my full time job and quit college when we encountered the problem of no babysitters. My oldest brother in law and youngest sister advised me that my boys were not permitted to come to their house for sitting. So after serveral sitters. i quit my full time job and quit college and became a full time mother and father.I did the diaper changing, feeding in the middle of the nights and other duties as a mother would do. I did all doctor visits., etc. i did it all. mom just worked and made little time to be with them. later on I enrolled them in preschool and i took them on a daily basis. i volunteered at times while trying to attend college part time. but with two boys and college. i eventually quit and didn't complete my teaching credential. we are now divorced 6 months. i would like sole physicial custody. what are my chances. i don't drink or smoke. the boys state they are comfortable with me. that mom seems to be depressed, She has been drinking this past year and drinks a few beers everyday. she has been seen drunk in front of the older son. the oldest has been sending letters that mom has been drinking alot and needs help. what are my chances of sole physical custody..please help

[llworking]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California,
I would like to be granted sole physicial custody. I have been mother and father for my two sons. now ages 10 and 12. I quit my full time job and quit college when we encountered the problem of no babysitters. My oldest brother in law and youngest sister advised me that my boys were not permitted to come to their house for sitting. So after serveral sitters. i quit my full time job and quit college and became a full time mother and father.I did the diaper changing, feeding in the middle of the nights and other duties as a mother would do. I did all doctor visits., etc. i did it all. mom just worked and made little time to be with them. later on I enrolled them in preschool and i took them on a daily basis. i volunteered at times while trying to attend college part time. but with two boys and college. i eventually quit and didn't complete my teaching credential. we are now divorced 6 months. i would like sole physicial custody. what are my chances. i don't drink or smoke. the boys state they are comfortable with me. that mom seems to be depressed, She has been drinking this past year and drinks a few beers everyday. she has been seen drunk in front of the older son. the oldest has been sending letters that mom has been drinking alot and needs help. what are my chances of sole physical custody..please help

Dad, there is very little chance of you getting sole custody, and there is very little chance of a mother getting sole custody with your scenario if the roles were reversed. Things simply don't work that way anymore.

What you have got a very decent shot at is joint legal custody (joint decision making) and primary physical custody, assuming that custody is just now being decided. You stated that you were divorced 6 months ago therefore if custody was already decided, we really cannot advise you without knowing what your current orders are.

[dad of 2]

i never signed any divorce papers. ex wife and I never signed any custody papers. at this point my oldest is currently with me and my youngest is residing with his mother. He is not allowed to call me or visit. maybe visit. He says he is not allowed. As for physical custody. what would my chances be. I also have pictures of mom drunk on facebook. would that help my case with physical custody. Myoldest 12 believes he is safe her that with mom. and he says that his oldest aunt has verbally abused that for a time that they stayed with the aunt. he believes he is safe here and believes that the youngest is safer here. .The oldest states mom has a short temper and verbally uses foul language when the young sibling doesn't listen to mom..im only looking for what is best for my two boys..

[Dogmatique]

Are you divorced or not?

Mom is allowed to be drunk. Yes, even with the child present. Mom's allowed to have a short temper and cuss like a sailor.

[dad of 2]

Are you divorced or not?

Mom is allowed to be drunk. Yes, even with the child present. Mom's allowed to have a short temper and cuss like a sailor.

sersiously???

[aardvarc]

Yes, seriously. All of those activities are legal, and the burden is to prove that mom's actions either actually have damaged the child, or could reasonably be anticipated to do so. What that means is showing the court that she's been arrested for DUI with the child in the car...or that there have been allegations of child abuse, with or without alcohol involvement. Drinking and cussing, while not A+ parenting, generally won't even make a court blink about changing custody.

[Dogmatique]

sersiously???

Unfortunately, yes.

Dad, the reality is that the standard of acceptable parent is perhaps depressingly low. I'll give you some examples:

Convicted felons can have custody of their children.

Some convicted sex offenders can have custody of their children (assuming their sex offense was not against those children).

Foul-mouthed alcoholics can have custody of their children.

Depressed and/or bipolar parents can have custody of their children.

Disabled - physically and/or mentally - parents can also have custody of their children provided they are physically able to take care of the kids.

What we really need to know though, is whether or not there are any current orders in place and who has been the primary caregiver. It is VERY unusual in CA to be granted a divorce and NOT have custody addressed - so you need to take out your decree and read it.

Please let us know, Dad!

[dad of 2]

Unfortunately, yes.

Dad, the reality is that the standard of acceptable parent is perhaps depressingly low. I'll give you some examples:

Convicted felons can have custody of their children.

Some convicted sex offenders can have custody of their children (assuming their sex offense was not against those children).

Foul-mouthed alcoholics can have custody of their children.

Depressed and/or bipolar parents can have custody of their children.

Disabled - physically and/or mentally - parents can also have custody of their children provided they are physically able to take care of the kids.

What we really need to know though, is whether or not there are any current orders in place and who has been the primary caregiver. It is VERY unusual in CA to be granted a divorce and NOT have custody addressed - so you need to take out your decree and read it.

Please let us know, Dad!

i was the primary caregive till 2006 and even though i worked pt i was still the primary caregiver.as for the papers. i never signed anything. custody was never agreed upon. it was word of mouth for child custody. we never signed anything. as for the divorce. i never, repeat never signed anything. when i did receive the papers it stated joint 50/50.but I never signed or agreed anything to it. so basically. nothing was settled on my custody arraingement. .

[llworking]

i was the primary caregive till 2006 and even though i worked pt i was still the primary caregiver.as for the papers. i never signed anything. custody was never agreed upon. it was word of mouth for child custody. we never signed anything. as for the divorce. i never, repeat never signed anything. when i did receive the papers it stated joint 50/50.but I never signed or agreed anything to it. so basically. nothing was settled on my custody arraingement. .

If the divorce decree (duely signed by a judge) states that the two of you have 50/50 custody, then those are the court orders. Your signature/agreement was not required. If it was not signed by a judge, you may not actually be divorced. Your ex may have started the process but never followed through.

So, you need to get out that paperwork (or get another copy from the courthouse) and 1) make sure that you are actually divorced, and 2) find out exactly what it says about custody.