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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    15

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Yes my child is sick every weekend I have her!
    And no she wouldn't be in a bubble all of the time if maybe just maybe the 12 out of 14 days that her mother had would........ I don't know, maybe provide her with something other than frozen chicken nuggets. And just maybe provide her with a schedule....perhaps instead of hanging out at other peoples houses till 11:30 at night.
    Just maybe have a set bed time, a set bath time, a set schedule that would provide her with some stability and sense of well being.
    Perhaps put het in a daycare not over rum by people......well like her!
    You say what you want.....you pop off whatever coomment you want....I don't really care.
    But i have no reason to bend the truth on anything...hence the reason I even searched and found this site. I'm sorry if this argument has hindered the original topic as that was never my intention.
    As for you....go watch judge Judy and pretend you are something you aren't!
    I really have no interest of your opinion which is obviously very feeble and 1/2 sided.
    Perhaps take some gallons from your next paycheck and by a clue!

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    Yes my child is sick every weekend I have her!
    Maybe it's something at your house?

    And no she wouldn't be in a bubble all of the time if maybe just maybe the 12 out of 14 days that her mother had would........ I don't know, maybe provide her with something other than frozen chicken nuggets. And just maybe provide her with a schedule....perhaps instead of hanging out at other peoples houses till 11:30 at night.
    Just maybe have a set bed time, a set bath time, a set schedule that would provide her with some stability and sense of well being.
    Perhaps put het in a daycare not over rum by people......well like her!
    Parenting differences. Nothing more, nothing less.

    You say what you want.....you pop off whatever coomment you want....I don't really care.
    But i have no reason to bend the truth on anything...hence the reason I even searched and found this site. I'm sorry if this argument has hindered the original topic as that was never my intention.
    You're forgiven

    As for you....go watch judge Judy and pretend you are something you aren't!
    I really have no interest of your opinion which is obviously very feeble and 1/2 sided.
    Perhaps take some gallons from your next paycheck and by a clue!
    Happy Hols!

    - - - Updated - - -

    What I WILL say also though...is that if your child is GENUINELY suffering from medical neglect, get child services involved. Immediately.

  3. #23

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    Yes my child is sick every weekend I have her!
    And no she wouldn't be in a bubble all of the time if maybe just maybe the 12 out of 14 days that her mother had would........ I don't know, maybe provide her with something other than frozen chicken nuggets. And just maybe provide her with a schedule....perhaps instead of hanging out at other peoples houses till 11:30 at night.
    Just maybe have a set bed time, a set bath time, a set schedule that would provide her with some stability and sense of well being.
    Perhaps put het in a daycare not over rum by people......well like her!
    You say what you want.....you pop off whatever coomment you want....I don't really care.
    But i have no reason to bend the truth on anything...hence the reason I even searched and found this site. I'm sorry if this argument has hindered the original topic as that was never my intention.
    As for you....go watch judge Judy and pretend you are something you aren't!
    I really have no interest of your opinion which is obviously very feeble and 1/2 sided.
    Perhaps take some gallons from your next paycheck and by a clue!
    hmmmm...angry much?!

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Maybe it's something at your house?


    Parenting differences. Nothing more, nothing less.



    You're forgiven



    Happy Hols!

    - - - Updated - - -

    What I WILL say also though...is that if your child is GENUINELY suffering from medical neglect, get child services involved. Immediately.
    Re the bolded....it could easily be unidentified allergies.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    137

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    Yes my child is sick every weekend I have her!
    And no she wouldn't be in a bubble all of the time if maybe just maybe the 12 out of 14 days that her mother had would........ I don't know, maybe provide her with something other than frozen chicken nuggets. And just maybe provide her with a schedule....perhaps instead of hanging out at other peoples houses till 11:30 at night.
    Just maybe have a set bed time, a set bath time, a set schedule that would provide her with some stability and sense of well being.
    Perhaps put het in a daycare not over rum by people......well like her!
    You say what you want.....you pop off whatever coomment you want....I don't really care.
    But i have no reason to bend the truth on anything...hence the reason I even searched and found this site. I'm sorry if this argument has hindered the original topic as that was never my intention.
    As for you....go watch judge Judy and pretend you are something you aren't!
    I really have no interest of your opinion which is obviously very feeble and 1/2 sided.
    Perhaps take some gallons from your next paycheck and by a clue!
    Really it could be allergies or a child that comes down with things easier. I have one of both. Tho the one that seems sick all the time is the one with the allergies and gets allergy shots. Being as you said you have a dr for her take her to an allergest. Do it yourself we have had to take the step sons to the eye dr because the mother wouldnt. It helps the child not the mother.

    The rest of it sucks, but is a difference in parenting like others say. We have the same issue in our house. My Stepsons are raised a whole lot differently than my daughters/ Our daugthers. There is nothing we can do. If at her house they think frozen Salsberry Steak is the best most nutritious meal around then, we cant change that. All we can do is show them better when they are here. Tho it sucks it is what it is!

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    On the other hand, there may be something there. That doesn't mean OP knows where or how to look or to respond. We obviously didn't get the right manual on "how to make marriage work"; dealing with the problems (or is it a problem?) after divorce can be difficult. I just went through a 2nd divorce with same person because I HAD (per attorney) NO CHANCE of getting a custody change. First divorced late 2000. He never made equitable settlement. Took me to Court and refused visitation many, many times. When I exercised visitation, it was yelling, threats and etc. Hell, in other words for me and our children. First two years, no summer visitation via fiat - by him. I wrote to Court, complaining. Apparently, because I didn't speak legalese and didn't place my complaint on the proper form (though it is in our divorce file), I was IGNORED.

    I learned he hadn't taken our children to our dentist or doctor for 4 years, except for a root canal on the (then 9 year old) and the 10 year old almost had her appendix out, from a low grade infection induced by stress. Not that I could "afford" it, but I ended up taking care of all of it and paying as well. Funny thing was that he was trying to block my visitation altogether, alleging I was abusive (after a botched attempt to get protective order in wrong Court ended in contempt and jail for me). I won by default as he didn't show for hearing. He did the same the next year, and lost. So I ended up back here ... he claimed he wanted to marry me ... which he put off til 6 months before his divorce filing. And though I have e-mails from when he was out of state, praising how well the children were doing and how glad he could safely leave them with me, he started filing for custody change (after I was awarded at provisional hearing) and abuse allegations. He even coerced a 3 or 4 page letter to the Court from our daughter ... which he did before as well. Turns out, he has a severe gambling problem. The children (and I) were cash cows to him and he was an excellent manipulator of not only me but the system, particularly in the beginning.

    I agree, if you have concerns about your children, definitely address those and make sure their needs ARE being met, even if it takes more out of your pocket. But I went through 15 years of hell and not having much say in my life, or our children's. There must be some resources for parents (non-custodial) to track and document concerns ... you can try asking CPS what parents are responsible for or what constitutes (reportable) neglect, but good luck getting more than a "waffle" answer. As for calling them to report the parent for not going to doctor with cold or something non-life threatening, that sounds like a quick way to get yourself screened out altogether. Or worse.

    Main thing I've learned is to document, document, document. Even if you never get justice, you at least keep your sanity. And sometimes, that niggling concerns starts fitting into a pattern with additional facts. So if it's not post-divorce emotionalism, I would suggest keeping some records, and attending to what concerns you. You'd be amazed at what you forget.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Second star to the right...
    Posts
    323

    Default Re: When Should Child Support Payments Go to the Child

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    And no she wouldn't be in a bubble all of the time if maybe just maybe the 12 out of 14 days that her mother had would........ I don't know, maybe provide her with something other than frozen chicken nuggets. And just maybe provide her with a schedule....perhaps instead of hanging out at other peoples houses till 11:30 at night.
    Just maybe have a set bed time, a set bath time, a set schedule that would provide her with some stability and sense of well being.
    There is no requirement that a child be on a schedule nor is it abuse if the child is not on a schedule. Free spirited folks might see a scheduled life as damaging to kids. Mom can feed child chicken nuggets (I will assume she cooks them prior to offering them) and offer a schedule free life. Schedules can be great for kids, many parents like them, but it doesn’t mean the kid can’t learn valuable life lessons from an unstructured life. That can teach kids adaptability, adventure, and excitement. This is merely a parenting difference and it is not the cause of colds, allergies, or upper respiratory infections.
    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    Perhaps put het in a daycare not over rum by people......well like her!
    That is a low blow against mom. You are frustrated but if you wanted your child to have a life away from people like mom, you shouldn’t have chosen mom to create a child with in the first place.
    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    However......when I see my ex in brand new $100 shoes and see that she has has her hair dyed, and an expensive haircut, while dropping my child off in shoes that don't fit, amd in second hand clothes. Then see that my child is sick all of the time...it very frustrating.
    Maybe the child likes the old shoes and doesn’t want to give them up. Maybe the child’s favorite clothes are old. Also, you mentioned when you let the kid wear the clothes from your house home, you request they be returned. There is nothing that prevents you from sending kiddo clothes home to keep at mom’s. That would also be interesting because if kiddo shows back up at your door in rags, you might deduct the child likes those old clothes.

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    It is for daily life expenses....not ones own personal gain.
    No one comes out financially ahead with kids. Having kids to earn money would be one of the least strategic financial plans I could imagine. If you are ONLY paying $700 per month for a child that is younger than kindergarten then you are covering some of the child’s daycare, food expenses, utilities, housing. Sure, your contribution means mom doesn’t spend every dime on the child, and you clearly resent that. But, kids are expensive and $700 doesn’t foot the whole bill.

    Quote Quoting rallie35
    View Post
    It's sick all the time in the form of allergies, colds, and upper respiratory infections.
    Nothing you have described mom doing has an impact on the illnesses the child is presenting with at your house. Allergies are not caused by lax schedules. Viral illnesses are present in all daycares and young children are very susceptible because they have no exposure. This occurs at high dollar establishments the same as the ones filled with people like her. Children are prone to upper respiratory infections. Viruses cannot be treated with antibiotics and there are hundreds of them out there. The idea to visit an allergist is really good though, because the child might have an allergy to a common substance (dust, mold, pollen, animals) or something that is specifically in your home. It doesn’t mean your home (or mom’s) is unclean, but if this is the case you might have something you can treat. You aren’t going to stop colds though from changing the child’s primary residence or the child’s daycare.

    I hope that you can step back and reason your way through this in a manner that helps you and your child. The answer might be to give more to mom or to buy more things for the child directly and send them to mom's. I know Dads that contribute significantly more than ordered to pay in child support because they want to help their kids. It might be a tough pill to swallow, but it is an option.
    Good luck.

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