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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
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    1

    Default Children Witnessing Repeat Domestic Violence

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: New Jersey

    Very complicated and involved situation. My children (13 and 9)have recently complained that their mother has used her fists on them when physically "reprimanding them". One incident sounded like she fought my oldest, not spanked. Just yesterday, the children told me yesterday that their mother physically abuses her girlfriend almost every time they see her. Their mother lives about 8 hours away and the girlfriend lives about two hours from my home. Visitation with their mother happens at the girlfriend's home. This weekend the girlfriend had to go to the hospital because of the latest fight and the injuries she suffered and both of my children heard the whole incident and asked to leave but their mother refused. After the girlfriend came back from the hospital, she immediately went to work on the kids and told them that it didn't matter how much their mother beat her, she would never call the police. She also told my children that their mother feels bad because she doesn't think my oldest loves her. I cannot afford a lawyer, but know that I need to get full custody. Their mother recently admitted that she was diagnosed with a serious mental illness years ago. Is there anything I can do immediately to stop the visitation with their mother before I can get back in court? Their mother knows that the children told me what happened and have started telling me everything that's been happening and I am scared of retaliation against the children.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Children Witnessing Repeat Domestic Violence

    Quote Quoting nov831
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    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: New Jersey

    Very complicated and involved situation. My children (13 and 9)have recently complained that their mother has used her fists on them when physically "reprimanding them". One incident sounded like she fought my oldest, not spanked. Just yesterday, the children told me yesterday that their mother physically abuses her girlfriend almost every time they see her. Their mother lives about 8 hours away and the girlfriend lives about two hours from my home. Visitation with their mother happens at the girlfriend's home. This weekend the girlfriend had to go to the hospital because of the latest fight and the injuries she suffered and both of my children heard the whole incident and asked to leave but their mother refused. After the girlfriend came back from the hospital, she immediately went to work on the kids and told them that it didn't matter how much their mother beat her, she would never call the police. She also told my children that their mother feels bad because she doesn't think my oldest loves her. I cannot afford a lawyer, but know that I need to get full custody. Their mother recently admitted that she was diagnosed with a serious mental illness years ago. Is there anything I can do immediately to stop the visitation with their mother before I can get back in court? Their mother knows that the children told me what happened and have started telling me everything that's been happening and I am scared of retaliation against the children.
    All I can really say is that if you decide to withhold visitation, it would be critical for you to immediately (within 24 hours minimum) file for an emergency order to suspend visitation. Its a risk to deny visitation no matter what, but to deny it without treating the legalities as an emergency would be foolish in the extreme.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Children Witnessing Repeat Domestic Violence

    Quote Quoting nov831
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    After the girlfriend came back from the hospital, she immediately went to work on the kids and told them that it didn't matter how much their mother beat her, she would never call the police.
    And does everyone here, including mom and the GF, realize that ANYONE, including a 13 year old witnessing violence, a neighbor overhearing the yelling, or some guy walking his dog in front of the house at the time, can call the police? Do they also realize that the person calling police doesn't need to SAY anything, just dial, and set the phone down? When police arrive, and question everyone separately, THAT is the time for the truth to be exposed about what has been witnessed. Part of the difficulty you're going to face is that for whatever reason, it appears that the HOSPITAL personnel didn't report domestic violence, the victim hasn't reported domestic violence, and if the very first time it is brought to public attention or attention of authorities is during a custody battle, it's going to loose a LOT of credibility. If your child is too afraid to involve police for her own safety, or the safety of her mother's GF (most injuries to children during domestic violence occur when the child can't take it any more and attempts to intervene), then please encourage her to talk privately to a counselor at her school about this issue, IMMEDIATELY. The child REALLY needs to be telling someone OUTSIDE the custody battle what's happening in her home.

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