Bathing a Child With Unrelated Children During Visitation

[Pookachu22]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MASS

My ex lives in another state and his visitation will be next month for 6 consecutive days in Dec (he sees his child 4 times a year for 6 days each time) and during these visits he takes her to his state. Last visitation in Aug, my daughter said she was bathed by my ex and a female "friend" of his with her daughters who are a bit older than my daughter. This was the second time that my child has said that this has gone on.

After the first incident (June last year) I asked my ex not to allow this to happen again as they are not related and this is a new "friend" of his that my child doesn't know very well. Additionally, this woman's husband is also around when this happens so it makes it very strange to me that this is happening between people that barely know each other and that she is married with a strange man in the proximity. The ex agreed that he would respect my wishes and not allow this again after the June incident.

During the Aug visitation he apparently changed his standpoint and he said that it is his choice how to care for our child when she is with him. Is this accurate? Do I have no choice on this when she is with him during his visitations?

Also, he has allowed our child to sleep over these people's house and my daughter said that "daddy cant stay there because ___'s husband doesn't want daddy there" and she claimed that it is a "sleep over." Since he only sees her approximately 24 days per year, I don't believe our child should be having sleep overs with people she barely knows...she is out there to see him.

This week I put in a request for modification of the orders and would like his visitations to only occur in this state (mass). I don't know if I will get it as it may come down to an individuals' ideals around child rearing but I wanted to know what other people think of this situation. Please let me know if I am over reacting or if others think this is a strange or dangerous situation for our child.

A side fact, our child is high functioning autism and while her language skills are precoucious, she has a difficult time saying how she feels about any of this. She has a therapist but has a hard time answering questions about how this feels to her so this is out of the question. Thanks.

[Disagreeable]

How can we guess? On the surface it appears it is great for her to be playing and visiting friends.

[Dogmatique]

Honestly? I doubt the court is going to care one jot. Dad is Dad, and he's evidently not unfit - hence the court will trust his judgment, including allowing kiddo to be bathed with similarly aged same-sex children.

Is is absolutely his choice how he parents your mutual child during his visitation.

Would you like it if he demanded what you could and couldn't do while she's with you?

[drthyrd]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MASS

My ex lives in another state and his visitation will be next month for 6 consecutive days in Dec (he sees his child 4 times a year for 6 days each time) and during these visits he takes her to his state. Last visitation in Aug, my daughter said she was bathed by my ex and a female "friend" of his with her daughters who are a bit older than my daughter. This was the second time that my child has said that this has gone on.

You don't state how old the child is, so it is impossible for me to guage whether I think your reaction is an overreaction. What I think is appropriate for a 3 year old might be very inappropriate for an 8 year old. And even knowing the child's age, it would just be my opinion and nothing more. Personally, I bathed my boy/girl together until they were 5 & 3 respectively and wouldn't have thought anything of throwing in another child (in my big big tub). Personally, I wouldn't think it odd to bathe preschoolers together family or not.

If the child is older than kindergarten, I might worry about her desire for privacy. On the other hand, I recall bathing with friends at sleepovers in early elementary and it was completely innocent.

[shortie]

You don't state how old the child is, so it is impossible for me to guage whether I think your reaction is an overreaction. What I think is appropriate for a 3 year old might be very inappropriate for an 8 year old. And even knowing the child's age, it would just be my opinion and nothing more. Personally, I bathed my boy/girl together until they were 5 & 3 respectively and wouldn't have thought anything of throwing in another child (in my big big tub). Personally, I wouldn't think it odd to bathe preschoolers together family or not.

If the child is older than kindergarten, I might worry about her desire for privacy. On the other hand, I recall bathing with friends at sleepovers in early elementary and it was completely innocent.

The title of this thread has been changed...she previously mentioned the child was six and a half.

[LawResearcherMissy]

Do I have no choice on this when she is with him during his visitations?

No, you really don't. Dad is correct - his parenting time is HIS parenting time, not yours, and you need to step back and let him handle his relationship with his child as he sees fit.

Since he only sees her approximately 24 days per year, I don't believe our child should be having sleep overs with people she barely knows...she is out there to see him.

What you believe is irrelevant. Dad is not required to have kiddo glued to him 24/7 during his parenting time.

Please let me know if I am over reacting

You are. Lighten up.

[llworking]

No, you really don't. Dad is correct - his parenting time is HIS parenting time, not yours, and you need to step back and let him handle his relationship with his child as he sees fit.



What you believe is irrelevant. Dad is not required to have kiddo glued to him 24/7 during his parenting time.



You are. Lighten up.

I kind of disagree a little. I think that I can understand mom's concerns simply because the people in question don't appear to be relatives and because the child is staying in a home where dad apparently is not also permitted to stay. It also appears that the child is 6 1/2 and the other children with whom she bathes are older than that.

However, at the same time I agree that there isn't anything that mom can do about it at this point.

[Dogmatique]

Legal custody gives you the right to make decisions for the child's best interest, doesn't it?

It doesn't mean you can infringe on the other parent's rights to parent their child as they see fit during that parenting time.

[chelsie]

It doesn't mean you can infringe on the other parent's rights to parent their child as they see fit during that parenting time.

Ok, thanks. I thought that it would give some rights in that particular situation, but guess not. It was just my interpretation and I didn't mean to mislead anyone.

[Dogmatique]

Ok, thanks. I thought that it would give some rights in that particular situation, but guess not. It was just my interpretation and I didn't mean to mislead anyone.

No worries, chelsie - it's never a bad thing to learn

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