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  1. #1
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    Oct 2012
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    Default Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: AL

    My wife and I have an 8 week old baby. We had marriage problems the whole time she was pregnant (mostly due to a severe mental illness she has). Before she was pregnant, this was only a problem about once a month. But after she got pregnant, the episodes became more and more frequent. So when the baby was 4 weeks old, I received divorce papers from her. It wasn't a surprise, since as I mentioned, she has mental problems. We both left the marital home (our lease was up that month anyways) and found places of our own to stay. Well, I got my own place. She moved in with a friend.

    When we moved out, I tried to take the baby with me, but she beat me to it. Now she tells me I "can come see the baby whenever I want." As if she's the one that gets to make that decision. Yes, I can see the baby whenever I want. My problem is that she won't let me take the baby with me whenever I go over there. She has INTENTIONALLY not introduced formula to the baby so that she can use breastfeeding as an excuse! This has been a problem the whole 4 weeks we've been apart.

    In the process of a divorce, we both filled out "interrogatories" or something like that. I just got the answers to hers today. She put on there that she is seeking "primary custody" and wants to me to have "standard visitation." However, I can easily prove she has a mental disorder, since she admits to taking anti-depressant medication and sees a therapist. I want the baby to live with me. I have a nicer home, make more money, and I don't have a mental disorder. There is no reason to punish a good father just because I couldn't survive a marriage with a mentally ill person. It's not fair that this is her fault and yet she has the baby. My only concern is that she will get custody just because she's the mother since a lot of judges side with mothers, from what I've heard.

    My questions are:
    How do I put together a solid case that she doesn't create a good home for the child due to her mental issues?

    I've heard she is considering applying for Section 8 housing. Will this make my case better since I have a stable home and not only is she moving after only one month, but she can't even fully support herself without aid?

    Her parents and most of her family live 4 hours away from here. I'm afraid she's gonna take the baby there. Can I stop this?

    Any other advice I can get from the other information I've given will be appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Nicer home & more money mean nothing at all.

    Mom has been the primary caregiver evidently, which means a great deal. She has a mental disorder? She's taking anti-depressant meds and she's seeing a therapist, showing the court that she realizes there's a problem and is getting help. Plus, you've got to consider that she's only 8 weeks post-partum - do you have any idea what that does to a woman, mentally and physically?

    Sorry Dad, but the reality is that you're going to stand equal before the court.

  3. #3
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    Oct 2012
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    I was afraid she may try to use women's health issues as an excuse. She's done this before. I used to beg her to get help for her mental problems and she would say it's that time of the month. I don't buy into that stuff. You don't get an excuse to act crazy. I had to nag her for months before she finally saw a doctor about it.

    Yes, she's with the baby most of the time, but does it make a difference that I have been over to her house to see the child around 5 days a week on average? She has been pretty unreasonable with me, though. She usually asks me to leave after like only 3 hours. I swear, I think she wants me to just be a "weekend dad" or something. That is not my intention at all.

    Also, what you just described doesn't SOUND like "equal." It sounds like you're saying SHE has the advantage. You know what? If for some odd reason, she does win, I'll just keep fighting. I have more money, so maybe if I just keep taking her to court, she'll not be able to afford it anymore, and have to give the baby to me.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Quote Quoting anxiousdad
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    I was afraid she may try to use women's health issues as an excuse. She's done this before. I used to beg her to get help for her mental problems and she would say it's that time of the month. I don't buy into that stuff. You don't get an excuse to act crazy. I had to nag her for months before she finally saw a doctor about it.

    Yes, she's with the baby most of the time, but does it make a difference that I have been over to her house to see the child around 5 days a week on average? She has been pretty unreasonable with me, though. She usually asks me to leave after like only 3 hours. I swear, I think she wants me to just be a "weekend dad" or something. That is not my intention at all.

    Also, what you just described doesn't SOUND like "equal." It sounds like you're saying SHE has the advantage. You know what? If for some odd reason, she does win, I'll just keep fighting. I have more money, so maybe if I just keep taking her to court, she'll not be able to afford it anymore, and have to give the baby to me.

    This is your first child, isn't it? You've never gone through a custody dispute before, have you?

    I strongly suggest you start reading these forums. Because with that attitude, you're in for a nasty surprise in court.

    - - - Updated - - -

    (As an afterthought, how much money do you think you're going to have after you're paying child support?)

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    This is your first child, isn't it? You've never gone through a custody dispute before, have you?

    I strongly suggest you start reading these forums. Because with that attitude, you're in for a nasty surprise in court.

    - - - Updated - - -
    Okay, now you're making it sound like you know something I don't....
    What is it? What am I in for?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Custody is initially going to be based upon the child's best interest. Now, given that Mom has had primary physical custody of the baby for a month (which is half of the baby's life), and (perhaps unfortunately for you) she does have something of an advantage. Her mental issues won't be held against her for the reasons I mentioned in the previous post.

    Status quo is important, but it's not everything. It's really not. However if you have two fit parents, and one has been the primary caregiver? It's often the deciding factor. The courts just aren't fond of disrupting the child's routine.

    Once custody has been decided, the NCP (non-custodial parent) is no longer "equal" in terms of custody; in order for the NCP to change the current order s/he needs to show that a significant change in the child's circumstance has occurred. This can be something like the CP wanting to relocate out of State; the CP marrying a convicted sex offender; the child failing school, things like that.

    Once an NCP becomes an NCP, the battle to change things is often insurmountable. It's not impossible by any means, but it's difficult.

    Things that don't matter:

    Who has the nicer/bigger house;
    Who has more money;
    Who has the nicer car/friends/family

    Things that DO matter:

    Who has spent the most time with the child on a daily basis (overnights are extremely important);
    The ability of the parent to provide the basics (food, clothing, basic necessities) - with or without aid;

    I'm honestly not trying to give you a hard time Dad - truly. But you need to be realistic.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Quote Quoting anxiousdad
    View Post
    ...Also, what you just described doesn't SOUND like "equal." It sounds like you're saying SHE has the advantage. You know what? If for some odd reason, she does win, I'll just keep fighting.

    I have more money, so maybe if I just keep taking her to court, she'll not be able to afford it anymore, and have to give the baby to me.
    You need to understand the practical realities of your case, whether now or after a round or two in one of your Alabama courts.

    And that is the first order of business will be the court establishing temporary divorce-custody orders until the divorce is final.

    Which will almost surely grant you both joint legal custody, your wife primary physical custody, you standard possession and visitation, and the amount of child support you will pay. If you currently earn a lot more, you may be ordered to pay temporary spousal support until divorce is final.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Dad, please read the pm I sent you. Being realistic and trying to change the likely reality are not the same, and one is certainly harder than the other. Doesn't mean impossible.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    I know what "standard visitation" is and it sounds like it was meant for criminals. And that's what I feel like cause when I'm over there she never lets me out of her sight.

    But thanks I guess for telling me what's likely.

    Also, I would never ask for child support from her! I hope she doesn't ask me for it. This is why it'd be easier if I had the baby. Because if I have to send her a check every month, then clearly she's not supporting the baby on her own, whereas I can.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Divorce and Custody Case from a Mentally Ill Wife

    Do you understand that Mom could be remarried to Bill Gates and you'd STILL be responsible for child support?

    Is this really just about the money?

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