Is it a Defense to Statutory Rape If the Victim Lies About Her Age

[cbg]

Two kids, one boy, one girl, never been arrested or charged with anything at all, let alone having sex with a minor. Both in responsible positions. Girl teaches English to high school kids; boy works for his father's company with an eye of taking it over some day. Me? I've never gotten so much as a speeding ticket. I may not have all the answers, lambie, but I have more than you do.

She didn't give YOU her facebook info. Both you and your not-exactly-an-angel son have BOTH done something wrong, no matter how much you try to deny it.

[aardvarc]

Its obvious she needs help because she's looking in all the wrong places. A ass such as your self have all the answers.

Absolutely true - but meaningless in a criminal case against your son.

As for her facebook info if she gave him the info no one has done anything wrong.

Morally perhaps. But we're not talking about morals - we're talking about the LAW. And the law says that as an adult, the legal burden is on HIM to KNOW who he's sleeping with - not just going by words on a computer screen. Had it been a police sting with a 46 year old slightly beer-gutted male detective, would he have shown up and tried to sleep with him then claimed he thought she was a legal-aged female because "that's the info I was given"? No. An extreme example perhaps, but the same principle applies. Sleeping around with someone that you only know from online means you're missing out on the dating, the picking her up from work (or at least high school, not middle school), knowing her family, siblings, and her group of (similar aged) friends - all things that would have given GLARING clues as to her actual age. Choosing to bypass the process of getting to know someone before jumping into the sack with them opens one to problems such as this.

No one's implying that your kid is worse than any other kid - hell, we have frequent posters here whose own kids have had similar problems - one's is even in PRISON due to a similar situation. You asked us about the legalities of the situation, and the legalities are that your son faces SERIOUS and life-altering consequences for ASSUMING that someone he had intensely LITTLE knowledge about was on the "up and up". It sucks that the girl lied, but the legal reality is that the burden of diligence was on him to VERIFY before sleeping with her. It's not romantic to card a date, fling, or one night stand, but if one isn't going to bother to really get to know people before sleeping with them, it's really a MUST.

Your son REALLY needs to be speaking to a criminal defense attorney and ASAP. A charge like this can seriously cause him issues for the rest of his life, and a "wait and see" approach isn't going to benefit him.

And for God's sake, you and he BOTH need to stay as far away from this girl, her FaceBook page and anything having to do with her - as the last thing either of you wants is the potential for additional criminal charges like hacking, stalking, or intimidating a witness.

[jk]

ACHardemon;656339]That's awesome how you take a serious situation that has parents worried and crack jokes about it. We've read about the Romeo & Juliet clause. I'd bet money if this were your son, you wouldn't find it the least bit funny.

well, I would really have to wonder who is in my house because I don't have a son.

If anyone else has non-judgmental advice, thanks in advance. We will be seeking out a lawyer at the beginning of the week. We are just looking for peace of mind.

I posted the only possible salvation I can find. I don't know the age difference so I do not know if it is applicable. If it is applicable, he has a defense. If it isn't, well, that lawyer is even more important.

Wow it seems everyone on here are perfect parents with perfect children. Congratulations on that.

thank you. I like to think they are perfect.

while you want to blame this on the girl, it appears with a little look around it was obvious the girl was not what she represented to be. That will weigh heavily against your son. It removes all the "oh, she tricked me", "I didn't know she was so young", and all the sympathy that sometimes goes with that. You seem to want to place all of the blame on the girl. I suspect that is why you are being given such a hard time. You are the one that appears to have the blinders on.

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ACHardemon;656345]Its obvious you don't have any kids and you your self has never mad any mistakes

.yep, got a couple and no, they aren't angels. Never faced anything close to this though.

We are not trying to put fault on any one.

BULLSHIT. what is this:

If so, can we counter the claim with proof of her promiscuous activity and lying? We took screen shots of conversations with numerous guys so we have evidence.

Lying, Promiscuous Female Tricked Our Son

Come to find out she's very promiscuous; she always lies about her age and has pulled the "I missed my period" card on more than our son. She aggressively pursues men & boys of all ages and leads them on. Boys sneak in her room... she sneaks out... lies about going to church to meet guys... the list goes on & on.

that is exactly what you are trying to do.

. Its obvious she needs help because she's looking in all the wrong places

. yes, she does but I wouldn't worry about her too much. Your son needs a lot more help right now.

[PandorasBox]

Ah, so you hacked into her FaceBook account.

Not admissible in court. Just based on how you were not granted access to it. But a good lawyer on her side could easily say you or your son typed up a bunch of her posts. Or even created the page yourself.

As for your son....he really needs to get to know the people he dates before sex comes into the picture. It's easy to make the showing of ID easy "I bet I have the dorkiest looking Drivers License Pic ever......"

You should be worried that your son can be criminally charged. He's an adult. I doubt he was a virgin before the 14 year old came along. I'd also be wanting Sonny to have his southern brain checked for STD's.

[Mr. Knowitall]

Our son is 18. He met a girl via Facebook (at the time he was 17). After about about 6 months of talking online, they finally met up and slept together. She confessed that she lied about her age. She said she was 17 - she's only 14.

That must have made for some interesting pillow talk. They met up where? Given that she can't drive, they met up how?

Now, 3 or 4 months later she's claiming to be pregnant.

She either is pregnant or she isn't. You suggest later that she may not be. If she is pregnant and your son is the father, at a minimum he's looking at a child support obligation for many years to come.

Our son has her Facebook login information so we snooped around her page to find out more about her.

If your son had her facebook information, and she gave it to him, it doesn't seem plausible that he wouldn't have known her actual age. Why did she give him her password, and what did he use it for before your joint venture into her account?

Come to find out she's very promiscuous; she always lies about her age and has pulled the "I missed my period" card on more than our son.

How do you believe that is relevant? It sounds like your son was actively seeking out promiscuous girls on facebook.

She aggressively pursues men & boys of all ages and leads them on. Boys sneak in her room... she sneaks out... lies about going to church to meet guys... the list goes on & on.

And now the list includes your son.

The parents claim they have spoken to the police and now when we try to contact them, they won't answer nor return our calls.

Clearly there's a huge hole in your story. This girl sleeps around, routinely tells guys she's pregnant, and her parents don't suspect a thing, but... now her parents are involved, they know who your son is, and they've perhaps notified the police? I've seen situations where an investigation of a statutory rape leads to additional people being charged, but "she wasn't a virgin" isn't a defense.

Can they pursue a statutory rape case on him?

You already know the answer to that: Of course they can.

If so, can we counter the claim with proof of her promiscuous activity and lying? We took screen shots of conversations with numerous guys so we have evidence.

Do those screen shots reduce the probability that your son had intercourse with the girl? If your son is the father of her unborn child, will those screen shots change the DNA so that it won't be indisputable that he's the father?

I'd bet money if this were your son, you wouldn't find it the least bit funny.

No, I would not. I would be wondering what was wrong with my son's thinking, that he is secretly hooking up with girls via facebook (what is he, after all, some kind of "lying, promiscuous male"?) without taking adequate care about their age, STD's, possible pregnancy, whether somebody might be setting him up....

If anyone else has non-judgmental advice, thanks in advance. We will be seeking out a lawyer at the beginning of the week. We are just looking for peace of mind.

If the girl is pregnant, and your son is the father or can otherwise be proved to have had intercourse with the girl, with the girl's parents being aware and having notified the police, sorry, I can't offer much by way of peace of mind.

Thanks for being an ass.

Thanking me in advance? How generous of you.

Its obvious you don't have any kids and you your self has never mad any mistakes.

I got through life, so far, without committing statutory rape, if that's what you mean. Most people manage it. I also don't shoplift, but if you read the criminal charges forum you would think that was physically impossible....

A ass such as your self have all the answers.

That would be: An ass such as yourself. Perhaps if you practice saying that before a mirror.... Seriously, you don't have to like what people say, but you don't need to be obnoxious.

As for her facebook info if she gave him the info no one has done anything wrong.

It's highly unlikely that your access was authorized. But that brings us back to the earlier question: If he had access to her account, and all of this stuff is obvious from her account, he can't really claim to have believed she wasn't 14.

[LawResearcherMissy]

Can they pursue a statutory rape case on him?

They sure can.

If so, can we counter the claim with proof of her promiscuous activity and lying?

Nope. She can bang the entire Dallas Cowboys football team AND the cheerleaders, and it will have absolutely no bearing on the fact that your son didn't take care to make sure he knew the actual age of the person he was sleeping with. That's HIS responsibility.

And before you throw yet another adorable little tantrum, I have sons, and somehow they've grown up to not sleep with people they don't know. And they are definitely aware that accessing someone else's Facebook account carries stiff fines and jail time. Might have a bit to do with having parents who have taught them from the very beginning that women are not vending machines in which one inserts chatter and BS until sex falls out. They've been educated consistently that sex has consequences for everyone involved, and pretty dire ones for them if they sleep with someone underage, so don't sleep with someone that you haven't known for at least half of forever. Seriously, sugar, it wasn't hard to keep them out of trouble. They rolled their eyes every time the subject came up, but they appear to have listened and learned.

You've done everything short of calling this little girl a whore, and you seem to be having a hard time not crossing that line. You might look to your attitude, and get used to the idea that your son is the one who bears legal responsibility here. You're worried? GOOD. You SHOULD be. Get your kid a lawyer, and when this is all over, snatch him bald-headed, beat some sense into him, and set some damned rules. And ENFORCE THEM. If I can expect my 20 year-old to follow the rules of the house, you can do it with your 18 year-old. Get on that stick now, lest you find yourself with a whole herd of wee ones naming you Grammy.

And for God's sake, you and he BOTH need to stay as far away from this girl, her FaceBook page and anything having to do with her - as the last thing either of you wants is the potential for additional criminal charges like hacking, stalking, or intimidating a witness.

Glory Hallelujah, Sister. Preach it louder for the people in the cheap seats! Seriously, if either of my boys accessed someone else's FB account, I'd call the computer crimes peeps mydamnedself. Working in the information sector makes me VERY cranky about this sort of thing.

[PandorasBox]

Honey.....

Tell Son to just go see a lawyer. We are obviously not giving you the answer that YOU want to hear. You can go pay for the answer now.

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By the way....while living with my grandparents.....they knew who/when/where/how/why.

I went to work...they called or stopped by.
Wanted to go to a friends...mileage was checked, parents were called and met.
Wanted to go on a date...they had the date come over.....

When I got a computer....who was I talking with? Watch the conversation....know the password.....Even as an Adult.

21 with a curfew. Their house, their rules.

You could have done this, too

[souperdave]

The Accesory Specialty Service (A.S.S.) is included free of charge for those who qualify.

Free add-ons are nice, don't ya think?

[Brandzzz]

Quit talking on this site and don't ever say again in public your son what your sons actions may or may not of been. He is alleged to, if anything. Nobody is going to help you on this site, because they can't, and your going to make public statements to bury yourself and son for other people enjoyment of discussion. As others have said, find a lawyer if something happens. If not don't say anything and stay as far away from the girl as possible. Avoid contact at all cost. Your son would be wise to do the same. If she has any of your contact information change it now.

Wait for the courts to order a DNA or charge your son. That should be the only contact you ever have with this person again if you want to stay legal. Don't harass or make comment to them in any manner. Shield yourself and I mean like yesterday.

[trekatch]

I love the holier than thou attitude of most of the posts. Glad you have your child lo-jacked and can tell when they have their wanker out of their pants. That 24/7 surveillance must be a nice addition to your home. Kids will have sex, whether you know it or not. Some don't most do - if you believe otherwise I hope you like living in that glass bubble. My son, 19 and living on his own, downloaded a dating app on his phone. In order to sign up, your supposed to be 18. I'm not sure how you expect a 17, 18 or 19 year old to do "due diligence" to determine a girls age - I would love to hear your response. Should he ask for ID (cause fakes abound). Her profile says she's 18, he unfortunately is stupid enough to assume that someone under 18 wouldn't be "allowed" on the dating site. She invites him to her house, they have sex. They text back and forth a lot. After "visiting" her few more times, she "confesses" she's 16. He tells her he can't see her anymore (he really did, its on a text message). Her mother see's a text, confronts daughter and finds out the whole deal. Mom contacts my son via text says guess what, my daughter lied AGAIN (her exact words), she's really 14. Come to find out, the daughter has done this exact thing multiple times before. Mom begs my son not to tell anyone, she doesn't want to ruin her daughters reputation. She doesn't want my son to get in trouble because her daughter lied multiple times. She just wants to "get her daughter help". Son tells mom he's very sorry, would never even had contact with her had he known and he will do as she asks. Less than a month later, cops wake up my son and haul him to station for "questioning", confiscate phone (against his wishes and WITHOUT warrant), tell him if he doesn't talk they will arrest him on the spot and that they are just trying to "clear up some questions". One week later he is arrested and charged with sexual assault of a child. From what his attorney has told him, NOTHING that happened, including her profile on the dating site, is a defense. In Texas, the only defense you are allowed to use is that sex did not occur. It doesn't matter if she showed him a Texas Driver's License with her age as 18...she has no legal liability or responsibility. Do I think my son is an idiot, of course...what fool meets a girl online? Duh, hundred of thousand of men and women do it everyday. Is it stupid? Of course it is! Should teenagers be charged as felons and required to register as a sex offender for the rest of their life for having consensual sex with each other...of course not. Just because a law exists, doesn't make it right. Lots of laws that were unjust or unreasonable have been completely done away with or changed. Unfortunately, there is no common sense in the law most of the time. And to you who will be as unreasonable as previously, I have worked in the legal field for 20 years, I have nieces, and my son has a step-sister who is 14. Both my sister, brother-in-law and ex-husband all agree - this is completely WRONG and if it were there daughter, they would not go after the boy - under these circumstances - they would lock their daughters down and be a responsible parent...ie what is a 14 year old girl doing with a dating app on her phone in the first place? Where were her parents? She's done this before? Really? And somehow your still letting it happen? Does she go from dating app to dating app to find guys? Why does she still have a phone with APPs? Why no parental controls? How did you let a 19 year old in your house and not know he was there. Okay, fire away at me!