Do You Have Any Advice About My Problems with My Dad

[tdubs1600]

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Ohio

I am really confused about the issues I've been having with my dad and I have no one to turn to. I'm 16 years old and for the past three or four years my relationship with my dad has been getting progressively worse. He has anger management issues and (especially lately) he has been having a hard time at work. I would say my dad comes home 4 or 5 times a week in a bad mood, it usually leads to me, my mom, and/or our dogs becoming the victim of his anger. I am honestly not trying to get my dad in trouble, I want him to get help so he stops ruining our family. I have never seen him physically hurt my mom, though on two instances, he has hurt me (only the first left bruises). He usually yells during our fights and refuses to talk to me for about a week after them because he is still mad at me. He is actually really protective of me and he has threatened my boyfriend (not to his face) saying that he would punch him and kick him out of the house (we sat too close on the couch, my dad is the only one that sees a problem with that) and I don't left the two of them near each other because I'm afraid he will follow through on his threats. If it helps at all, he hits, kicks and screams at our dogs when he is mad, he throws things, kicks walls (he had to have surgery to fix his toe because it was broken so many times) Sometimes he gets mad at me and my mom defends me so he just leaves for a couple days. Usually our fights start when he misunderstands me and then he (I'm guilty of this too) gets defensive and suddenly no matter what I say, I'm wrong. I have to admit, I have his temper and I'm really stubborn, but I hate fighting with him and I usually (not always) end up walking away when I feel I'm about to yell back (I catch myself more often than not). Now just so you know, I'm not a kid that disagrees with my parents all the time, my mom and I are really close and there are many times my dad and I argue the same point (my mom says he has a hard time communicating and he doesn't understand we are on the same side, so he just instantly gets defensive around me) I am a straight A student and I have had perfect attendance all through high school, I have never had a detention or been in any kind of trouble. I'm also an only child and I do typically get the things I ask for after my dad and I get in a big fight, I think it's because he feels bad. Anyways, I'm not a bad kid, and everyone thinks my life is perfect, which is why I can't even talk to people about my problems. I feel like they are right and that everything else is so easy for me that I deserve something bad in my life. To add to my confusion, my mom will either side with me during arguments and say my dad is immature, or she will side with him because she knows he doesn't mean to yell and scream at me. I really don't know who's right, if he doesn't mean it, is he wrong? Recently I've been so confused I read a lot of stuff about abuse online and I feel like what my dad does is really emotional/verbal and occasionally physical abuse, but I always thought kids that are abused cause trouble at school, get bad grades, do drugs and get in trouble with the law. I understand you probably can't tell if I'm abused from this, but am I wrong? Can a kid be at the top of their class despite their abuse? Is there anything I can do to get my family or my dad in counseling if I'm the only one who feels we need it? Does everyone deserve some hardships so I should just suck it up even if he hits me again? I'm not asking for you to side with me or to tell me what to do exactly, because I know I couldn't possibly put enough information into this, but please give me advice.

[Disagreeable]

It sounds like you are in a typical family where the parent is suffering from money and work issues. Only you can decide whether you should escalate the problems because you are concerned for your own well being. If dad is injured, much of what you view as anger can be an expression of the physical or mental pain he is suffering. From experience, I can assure you, from a dads perspective, I would have loved to just stopped going to work and not suffered as much as I have over the years. Currently, I finally reached what appears like it will be the end of my tether and have explained to my son we may not be able to pay for his college and advised his sister we expect her to help pay for his college, since we are paying for hers. Family is a team effort. You can choose to escalate the situation and not be part of that team if you feel it necessary.

[mmmagique]

Talk to your school guidance counselor. If (s)he can't help you, talk to trusted teachers, church members, family friends, and family. Talk until someone really hears what you are saying. Good luck. (oh, and please for the love of all that is holy...paragraphs next time!)