
Quoting
aardvarc
Before we can give accurate information, we need to know how willing you are to have your children removed. If the state sought the order, and the court granted it, against your wishes, then that's a pretty solid indicator that they feel he presents a danger to you and/or your children. Of course you're going to reply that he's not - because that's what they all say - up to and including most of the ones who end up dead.
That being the case, you seeking to allow someone charged with domestic violence to have the order dropped so that he can then be around you and the children can be expected to result in child protective services getting involved and potentially removing the children for "failure to protect". In other words, the state took action to protect you and the kids with order. If you want to keep company with someone potentially dangerous to you, the courts understand that as an adult you have the right to make that choice for yourself. But the court isn't likely to consider you purposefully bringing him around the children, who don't get a say in such matters.
So before you determine a course of action, you'll really need to make a choice - because until the criminal case is closed, the court isn't going to smile on both him and the children being home at the same time. Him being the only one that works isn't going to be a factor for the court - he can deposit money into a bank account without having any contact. One of you is going to have to figure out how to do without a vehicle until the case is over.
Obviously when your partner has such an order against them it can present tremendous burdens, pressures, logistical nightmares, additional expenses, etc. The courts don't really care about those issues - their only concern is that everyone lives through it, even if they have to live under a bridge. Interestingly, since financial control is such a major factor in abusive relationships, arguing that you're completely dependent on him and that's why you're willing to have him around yourself and your children should, in theory, only make the court MORE likely to keep the order in place.
What types of assistance are you currently receiving from your local domestic violence program? They understand the problems created when restraining orders are in place and may have ways to assist in dealing with the kinks that are occurring for you as a result of the order being in place.