Confused by Police Questions, and Boyfriend Was Arrested for Domestic Violence

[PleaseAdviseMe]

My question involves criminal law for the state of: New Jersey

My boyfriend and I had a verbal argument in my car in a parking lot. I was very tired and angry so I told him to get out of my car. He said that he wanted to talk to me about it instead. I told him I was going to call 9-1-1 and force them to remove him so I could drive away and leave him there in the parking lot. He struck the headrest of my car in frustration while I sat forward in my seat. I called 9-1-1 and told them that my boyfriend would not leave my car and I think I said that he struck my back, which was a lie. When the cops arrived, I began to say that he didn't hit me and that I just wanted him to go so I can drive away. I was already in over my head and they asked me if my bulging disc hurts (a pre-existing condition). I said yes, and they took that as me saying that my boyfriend hurt my back which he DID NOT. I know what I've done was bad and wrong and I am so upset that I've potentially ruined his life. He is going into medicine and he cannot have this on his record!! He was charged with simple assault and harassment. I've ruined his life just because I was irritable and wanted to punish him for making me mad!

We are going to hire an attorney, but the attorneys we have spoken to do not seem very positive that the charges can be dismissed! I am so worried that I have ruined his life just because I was in a bad mood and being irritable! The police think that I am "covering" for him and didn't believe me when I said that I'm not hurt! He struck a HEADREST in a car UNINTENTIONALLY but NJ law seems to say that it's "reckless" so it still counts?! We need the charges dismissed and if they are dismissed, we will go through the expungement process.

I am very, very upset that my impulsive, bad actions are going to potentially ruin the life of a very bright, intelligent young man. Does anyone know how likely something like this is to be dismissed?

[cdwjava]

His attorney can speak to the DA. There may be a diversion program available in your state and jurisdiction that can keep this off hos permanent record.

However, you have a problem ... if you called 911 that would have been a recorded line. If you stated he hit you, they will use that as evidence against him. They will also use any statements about your back hurting after he allegedly struck the headrest to support a claim that his actions caused you harm. Your recanting now will be seen as merely another case of an abuse victim protecting her abuser (common in about 75% of all DV cases).

His attorney will have his work cut out for him. The state will not drop the charges simply because everyone says he's a nice guy and it's all a mistake. Yes, you can take ths tand and risk jail yourself by claiming you lied to the police, but they tend to expect victims in DV cases to go sideways, so it's not going to be much of a surprise.

[PleaseAdviseMe]

The arresting officer told us that this is a very common kind of case and that it's possible to have the case dismissed with counseling. The arresting officer said that it's not guaranteed to dismiss but he told me that it's very much like a traffic ticket and that it's not a big deal and that he will submit a request to have the case dismissed. There was no bail amount, they just released him. They arrested my boyfriend and I spoke with the arresting officer when they released him about half an hour after he was in. The police seemed so reasonable after the fact.

[cdwjava]

The arresting officer told us that this is a very common kind of case and that it's possible to have the case dismissed with counseling. The arresting officer said that it's not guaranteed to dismiss but he told me that it's very much like a traffic ticket and that it's not a big deal and that he will submit a request to have the case dismissed. There was no bail amount, they just released him. They arrested my boyfriend and I spoke with the arresting officer when they released him about half an hour after he was in. The police seemed so reasonable after the fact.

Very unusual system they appear to have there. But, he should be cautious and consult an attorney all the same. It may not be as easy as the officer made it sound.

Your boyfriend needs to learn to control that anger. Punching something is not an appropriate response, and if you are injured - even accidentally - he can go to jail.

[davidmcbeth3]

I've ruined his life just because I was irritable and wanted to punish him for making me mad!

Good job ! Don't show up for the trial ....