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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    1

    Default Child's Father Incarcerated

    Hello! I'm new to this board and have a question. I can't seem to find an answer anywhere so maybe someone can help. I was married and got divorced on the grounds of 'improper marital conduct'. He was abusive and in a lot of trouble with the law. I got pregnant. He was sent to prison right after the divorce. He got a sentence of 11 years. He hasn't saw our child at all and his family has nothing to do with her. She is 2 years old now. He has already been denied parole and I doubt he will get it. He has been moved twice already for getting in trouble. He has called me from illegal cell phones begging me for money. I finally stopped answering. I haven't spoke to him in almost a year now. When he called he was always begging for money instead of asking about our child.

    I'm terrified that he will try to get visitation when he gets out. He is not stable. He was, and probably still is, into drugs. He is a convicted felon. He stole copper wire from walls of old buildings, stole checks from his grandfather and forged them to buy crack, he also has charges from hitting me. My boyfriend and I give her such a good life. He loves her and she knows him as daddy. I didn't even put her birth fathers name on the birth certificate. He hasn't tried to do it and I'm pretty sure he has access to resources in prison to do that if he wanted to. We are in Tennessee.

    Does anyone know what I could do in order to keep him away when he does get out? Are there abandonment laws? I would be all for him being in her life if he turned himself around, but I just don't see it happening. He's using illegal cell phones, fighting and even got caught with drugs since he's been incarcerated. It would kill me to have my daughter around him knowing what he's capable of. It scares the shit out of me actually. I'm considering talking to a lawyer but since he isn't on the birth certificate is there even anything that can be done right now. I just don't want to stress about it til he gets out. I want to have plans for when he does get out.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Child's Father Incarcerated

    I hate to be the one to tell you this, but since he's incarcerated for non-violent crimes (apparently), he has a better-than-great chance of getting visitation once he gets out. He has the right to establish paternity right up until your daughter is 18.

    Granted, visitation would be supervised and very gradual at first. If all goes well though he'd be able to file for the regular NCP visitation.

    So, if you really don't want him around - why don't you and your boyfriend get married and try for a stepparent adoption?

    Your daughter knows he's not Dad, right? I mean you haven't lied to her - right?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: Child's Father Incarcerated

    Quote Quoting Joylyn
    View Post
    It scares the shit out of me actually.

    Call me old school, but this type of language on a board such as this bothers me. This whole post says to me: dad's got a rap sheet a mile long, but mom is saint with a live in boyfriend she passes off as daddy and a potty mouth. But I'll try not to be too judgmental. Just know that in the future, some people that you come across, like some judges, might care about these things.

    I wouldn't worry about it at the moment if I were you, because there is nothing you can really do at present. Dogmatique's suggestion about a stepparent adoption is a great one, provided that your boyfriend is someone you want to marry and be with for the long haul, so to speak. For the time being, he has no legal rights, as you are aware, but if he wanted to establish his paternity, there wouldn't be much you could do about that unless the adoption was in the picture.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Child's Father Incarcerated

    Agreed, DaddyWhoWon (do you mind if I call you that? ) .

    Also OP needs to ask herself and the boyfriend the following:

    Mom, if you do the stepparent adoption and then divorce are you going to be okay with your husband getting custody and you paying child support?

    Stepdad, are YOU going to be okay paying child support for a child who is completely unrelated biologically?

    You can't overturn a stepparent adoption in 99% of circumstances - it's for good.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Child's Father Incarcerated

    The time for you to decide he was poor parent material was before you married him and got pregnant. Now the child has a right to her real father, in spite of your poor choices. Her father has a right to have a relationship with his daughter. Since you have proven you cannot make good decisions either, the court will be making the calls if you push the issue. They will decide what is in your daughters best interests. Guess what, it won't likely be what you want.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: Child's Father Incarcerated

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Agreed, DaddyWhoWon (do you mind if I call you that?
    Of course not. It's kind of endearing, though we've never met, but that's okay.

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