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  1. #1
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    Default Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington


    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington

    I spent that last 2 1/2 years of my life with the mother of my now 21 month old daughter. During that period we had a couple of rough spots, one of which I moved across the state for work on a breakup. I continued to visit my daughter every weekend (a 5 1/2 hour drive one way, mind you) and eventually we got back together. After our final break up, about a month ago, I want to take custody of my daughter for Monday-Friday, and let her mother have her on the weekends. We have no legally binding documentation to who gets her what days, nor the amount of child support, but I've been paying $400 a month to her mom and seeing her every weekend.

    The mother decided, 2 days before we split, to begin an online relationship with someone she's never met in real life. The guy lives in Japan, and after an extremely unnerving phone call, plans on marrying her when he comes to the states in September. She told me she also planned on moving our daughter to Japan with her to live with this stranger. Not only do I NOT want my daughter leaving the country, let alone the state, I want her throughout the work week. Here's a break down of the pro's and con's of both of our living arrangements:

    Me:

    -Salaried $2400+ a month working from home
    -Have been employed for the last year and a half
    -Go to church and participate in various activites 3 days a week
    -Live in a 3 bedroom with my parents, although I only moved back in with them because of this difficult time

    -Am a convicted sex offender.. at the age of 11 I recieved oral sex from the 9 year old neighbor. Her father didn't take kindly to this and pressed charges. Have never been in trouble since, and completed 2 years of court ordered therapy for it.

    Her:

    -No income, and hasn't actively worked more then 3 months total in the last 4 years.
    -Lives at her parents 3 bedroom with 7 other people, only 3 of which are employed.
    -Has documented proof of being under 24 hour suicide watch at our local hospital
    -Is on 'mood-stabilizers' and undergos weekly counseling
    -Wouldn't pass a drug test to save her life (marijuana, mind you)
    -Was an active 'cutter' in her youth, with scars all along her arms and shoulders to prove it.

    -Father is retired military police.

    Besides the obvious 'I'm going to take our daughter out of the country to live with a complete stranger,' I believe it's pretty straight forward. I, in no way, want to take my daughter away from her mother, but genuinely believe living with her isn't what's best.

    What do you think a custody battle would look like in this case?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    I think the custody battle in this case would look extremely complicated and ugly, if the mother insists on doing what you say she wants to do. I think you would really need an attorney for this one. It sounds like, based on what you have said, that you would have a reasonable shot at what you are requesting but it would be best to have professional help in obtaining it.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    Please get an attorney and be proactive about this. Besides the obvious concerns that you've raised, Japan has not signed the Hague Convention, which means it will likely not recognize/care about any custody orders you have from the US. That means if mom takes the child to Japan, even if only for visitation assuming you had custody of her, mom could keep her there and it would be extremely difficult if not impossible to get her returned.

    An attorney can help you make a case for custody and request appropriate safeguards in a visitation plan for mom that prevent her from being able to "disappear" with the child in Japan.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    I hate to say it though, but in WA the presumption is in favor of relocation. Dad would have to prove that the move is massively detrimental to the child.

    Going purely from OP's post, Mom stands the better chance at being the primary parent. Why? Because she doesn't work and will claim that she's been the child's primary caregiver while Dad works.

    The fact that Mom is on "mood stabilizers" and is in weekly therapy is actually a huge thing in her favor, too.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    I hate to say it though, but in WA the presumption is in favor of relocation. Dad would have to prove that the move is massively detrimental to the child.

    Which he might be able to do considering mom wants to move to Japan. I still think a good attorney is absolutely essential in this case, even more so because of the high stakes nature of an international country that does not recognize US custody orders.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    I live in WA state, I have a crimnal record that is new not old like yours. My ex did get temp custody in wa state while we waited for trial but I got visitation. He is military and has tried to move over seas and has been denied. I am still here and I am able and willing to care for my son. During trial the judge said I dnt no who will have custody because neither of us talked about what was in the best interst of our son, he said one of us will be primary and the other will have secondary custody but we will be equal and co parent no matter what the outcome. Your ex was with you and stayed with u knowing your charges. Worked on getting your background sealed. Keep a journal, and yes you should look into an attorney because at the end of the day you look worse on paper than she does. You can file with the passport web site to get an alert if she files for a passport, she cant have one for your child unless you sign off on it unless she lies and says she cnt find you.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    Mom can absolutely get a passport for the child. All she needs to do is petition the court. Dad CAN be forced to sign.

    DadWhoWon, I'm doubtful Mom has any real plans on relocating to Japan.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    You may be correct. Best to be prepared though.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    Worst case scenario:

    Mom moves out of state (say to Texas), and in a couple of years petitions the court for permission to relocate to Japan.

    She'd stand a better-than-normal chance of getting the relocation, unfortunately for Dad. So, Dad needs to fight tooth and nail to keep the child in WA.

    Dad, what sort of daycare provisions do you have?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Who Would Take Primary Custody of My Daughter

    Want to start by saying thanks to everyone for all the helpful information!

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Worst case scenario:

    Mom moves out of state (say to Texas), and in a couple of years petitions the court for permission to relocate to Japan.

    She'd stand a better-than-normal chance of getting the relocation, unfortunately for Dad. So, Dad needs to fight tooth and nail to keep the child in WA.

    Dad, what sort of daycare provisions do you have?
    At the moment, none. But as I mentioned, I'm fairly well off and am capable of finding daycare for my daughter.
    The other side of that coin is that I work entirely from home, and am more then adaquetly set up to watch her from 9-5 while I work periodically.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And yes, there was never any intention of going into this battle without an attorney. I am, however, weary of an attorneys actual intentions.

    That was the biggest piece of advice I was hoping to find here; besides the probability of success, what do I need to take advantage of to make this as smooth as process as possible?

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