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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    3

    Exclamation Abusive Mother Kicked 3 Minor Siblings Out Her House, What Do I Do

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Oklahoma

    I'm going to try to describe the situation the best I can.
    Iím 23 yrs old, married and the oldest of 5 kids.
    My parents separated in 2005. During visitation my two youngest siblings, who were 3 & 5 yrs old, at the time were molested by our father. His rights were taken away but over a year ago he took my Mother back to court after having his record expunged. He was able to get supervised visits every weekend as a preamble to overnight visits. My Mother was trying to fight against the visits and the next hearing is in September.
    While all this is going on my Mother has become extremely mentally abusive to the kids. She repeatedly threatens to take them to Juvenile hall (for not doing what she says) and yells at them no matter what they do. Then she kicked them out of the house Sunday night and sent them home with me. She said she never wanted to see them in her house again because they didnít care about her and didnít want to be there even though they told her they wanted to be with her. The kids are ages 15, 12 & 10 years old.
    She has full custody of the kids, but when I told her sheíd have to give me guardianship (or custody) she said that Iíd have to get that through our father. And by taking them in I was handing them over to our father. Bascially, she's saying if she doesn't have them custody reverts to him.
    I donít know what to do because I obviously have no legal rights to get them a lawyer for court in September or even take them to the doctor! They do have a court appointed lawyer but he said the kids should have normal visitation with their father because he doesnít believe they were molested (He flat out told me he thought our mother was crazy so this is part of the problem).
    I would like as much advice as possible as to what to do. My Mother is not mentally stable since her divorce. She has been calling all day threatening me and the kids. She also left me a message on my machine saying she'd make me regret this. She's now claiming I brainwashed the kids and they wanted to leave the house, that she didn't kick them out. I called a lawyer but he just mumbled around and didn't tell me much. I've tried to contact a few others and am waiting for a call back.
    Now due to all the threatening calls my siblings are saying maybe they should just go back home so I don't get hurt or in trouble. They're hoping she'd be better if they went home and "proved" they wanted to be there. I think it will be worse and I don't know what to do! The whole thing with our father was a messed up nightmare and still is.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Abusive Mother Kicked 3 Minor Siblings Out Her House, What Do I Do

    She has full custody of the kids, but when I told her she’d have to give me guardianship (or custody) she said that I’d have to get that through our father. And by taking them in I was handing them over to our father. Bascially, she's saying if she doesn't have them custody reverts to him.
    Custody doesn't "revert". Mom is the legal guardian, which means she is OBLIGATED to care for her children. If they were all standing at her door right now, and she refused them or failed to place them with an appropriate guardian, that's a form of neglect, and mom gets to go to jail and face criminal charges. In other words, parents don't get to just kick their minor children out.

    If you want to be legal guardian, you can certainly bring a case in your local family court and seek to be named so. Dad could still have visitation, but if he's only got supervised visitation now, he's got about a zero percent chance of getting more than that. The courts aren't about to simply hand the children over to him just because mom has now decided to act like a jackass and potentially face legal problems of her own.

    So, what to do? Depends on what you want to accomplish.

    You can seek guardianship yourself via the courts.

    You can return the children to mom. If mom refuses them, it's time to notify police who will explain mom's choice to either care for her children or be arrested, and who will also get child services involved. Child services can remove the children from mom's care until such time as she completes whatever case plan they set out for her.

    You can keep them with you until such time as mom wants them back. If during that time mom is harassing or making threats towards you, those too are potential crimes, and it's time to notify police.

    The bottom line here is that mom has legal responsibilities regarding her children. At what point you hold her accountable for her actions, either in abandoning her children or for her behavior towards you, by notifying authorities about the issues, only you can decide.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    3

    Default Re: Abusive Mother Kicked 3 Minor Siblings Out Her House, What Do I Do

    She just came and took them from the house after leaving me a threatening message. I called the police but they said unless she physically hurt them there was nothing they could do because she has custody. I want to know if anyone knows the chances of getting them through DHS without her physically hurting them? Even though I'm scared she'll completely snap and hurt them really bad

  4. #4

    Default Re: Abusive Mother Kicked 3 Minor Siblings Out Her House, What Do I Do

    So long as mom is providing them with food, shelter, clothing, running water, AND there is no physical abuse or unsanitary living conditions, there isn't really grounds for DHS to remove them. Since mom has chosen to take them back, that has negated some potential courses of action, so there are now only three ways for them to be removed: either their living conditions deteriorate to the degree that they are neglected and DHS removes them, or, mom ACTUALLY commits some form of abuse (threats to third parties alone aren't usually enough) and police and DHS remove them, or, you seek guardianship in court. All 3 of the children are old enough to call 911 if mom "snaps" or they are otherwise being neglected or abused - hopefully they've been instructed to do so.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
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    3

    Default Re: Abusive Mother Kicked 3 Minor Siblings Out Her House, What Do I Do

    I've told them to call the police if she tries to harm them. But what about all the mental abuse? She threatens them all the time saying she'll give them to their sexually abusive father if they don't do everything she says, even though they are doing what she says she's just too mentally impaired to see it. She belittles them calling them fat, lazy, worthless, etc.

    Also, we currently live in a one bedroom apartment. I'm just checking but I assume unless we have a house at the time this harms our chances of getting them even if we're trying to remove them from an abusive situation.

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