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  1. #1
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    Jul 2012
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    Default Mediating a Custody Dispute With an Illegal Alien Father

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    Our situation is this, my daughter has a 13 month old little girl with a young man who is not a legal citizen. We have filed (I have a guardian ad letim) for parental tremination against the father, due to the fact that he has never supported her, nor has had any contact with them for over 9 months. He has also since asked the court for visitation and we are due to go to mediation soon, in just over a week from now. Our termination hearing is not for over a month. What should be said and done in our best interest in the mediation. Also, what are our chances that all of this go in our favor? We live in California.*Please help!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    If he's asking for visitation, the termination will likely not happen.

    The court will give, as a general rule, give a parent at least one chance to actually be a parent should they request it. Your daughter needs to expect that he'll be awarded at least some sort of visitation, and she can request that it's gradual and supervised at first. Eventually it will generally lead to a regular visitation schedule including overnights, weekends and entire weeks in the summer.

    How old is your daughter, and is there a support order in place?

    (I am not a citizen, incidentally - but I'm legal. That aside, if his status wasn't an issue for your daughter at the time it's not likely to be an issue now)

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    If he's asking for visitation, the termination will likely not happen.

    The court will give, as a general rule, give a parent at least one chance to actually be a parent should they request it. Your daughter needs to expect that he'll be awarded at least some sort of visitation, and she can request that it's gradual and supervised at first. Eventually it will generally lead to a regular visitation schedule including overnights, weekends and entire weeks in the summer.

    How old is your daughter, and is there a support order in place?

    (I am not a citizen, incidentally - but I'm legal. That aside, if his status wasn't an issue for your daughter at the time it's not likely to be an issue now)

    My daughter is 25. And no his legal status was not an issue for her, but Im guessing should be as far as the law goes considering he is not employed, and unable to provide any monetary support. Also, he lives with his parents and siblings and their home has become the hang out for the local all of their homies. One brother is a known affiliate with a gang, and the other sells dope!not exactly where or who I would like for my grand daughter to acociated with.

    And am I (we) able to hold out on visitation because he has never supported his daughter. There has not been an order issued as of yet. This all came about because my daughter had been receiving aid. So our county had been looking for him, and when they found him, he claimed the child wasn't his. This led to a DNA test, which the results proved to his child. With the results, we wanted to file for Termination, and did. Before we were able to serve him we were served with visitation mediation. But the mediation and hearing are scheduled before the termination hearing!?

    I'm so confused!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Absent a a court order, your daughter can deny visitation. You have ZERO standing in this unless you are somehow her legal guardian and any interference on your part could hurt your daughter's case. Your daughter is an adult so it's her fight.

    As mentioned, termination ain't gonna happen at this point. With regards to family law, immigration status is not likely to be considered.

  5. #5
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    Feb 2012
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Quote Quoting GMomma
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    My daughter is 25. And no his legal status was not an issue for her, but Im guessing should be as far as the law goes considering he is not employed, and unable to provide any monetary support. Also, he lives with his parents and siblings and their home has become the hang out for the local all of their homies. One brother is a known affiliate with a gang, and the other sells dope!not exactly where or who I would like for my grand daughter to acociated with.

    And am I (we) able to hold out on visitation because he has never supported his daughter. There has not been an order issued as of yet. This all came about because my daughter had been receiving aid. So our county had been looking for him, and when they found him, he claimed the child wasn't his. This led to a DNA test, which the results proved to his child. With the results, we wanted to file for Termination, and did. Before we were able to serve him we were served with visitation mediation. But the mediation and hearing are scheduled before the termination hearing!?

    I'm so confused!
    Termination is not possible at this point. Just because you don't like how he lives and who hangs out at his house the court will not consider those reasonable terms to deny visitation.He was not the childs legal father until the DNA was established.

    Why as the grandmother are you the legal guardian of the child? In the end this could seriously backfire to the father obtaining full custody of the child once he has an established relationship.

    Child support and visitation and two seperate issues, if he is granted rights to see the child and ordered to pay child support you may not withhold the child for him not paying that child support.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Quote Quoting GMomma
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    We have filed (I have a guardian ad letim) for parental tremination against the father, due to the fact that he has never supported her, nor has had any contact with them for over 9 months.
    Heaven forbid that all of the mothers who do not provide any financial support for their children have their parental rights terminated! Incidentally, since your daughter is on state aid, one wonders how much financial support she is providing.

    Please try to consider more than just your perspective. Sounds like dad was just recently established as dad, and if he filed for visitation before your daughter filed for termination - which you've been told she is not going to get - then it doesn't sound like he dilly-dallied at all to try to be a father. You may not like him, but your daughter chose him, and for better or worse, she'll have to live with that.

    And there is an incredible amount of the use of "I" here, way more than a mother trying to help her daughter. The child does not belong to you, and you certainly do not have a guardian ad litem. Nothing good can come from you taking the reigns of your daughter's responsibilities. She's going to have to deal with dad for a long time to come, best that she starts learning how to do that now. If dad can show down the road that you are more involved than mom is, he can successfully use that point to help him gain custody of the child. It won't be the first time that's happened.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Yes, I'm curious as to the constant use of "I" and "We" in this one.

  8. #8
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    Jul 2012
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    Yes, I see what you are saying about termination, and I get that. It's hard to swallow, but I get it. And if this were any of my other three children, I would totally agree with your point that she is an adult, and this is her fight, but in thisarticular situation, her fight is my fight as well. She may be 25, but she also has a disability, that has her limited on what she is able to comprehend. She is limited-cognitive. It is necessary for either myself or someone from our family to assist her in any and all legal forms, health care, applications and so on. I have a guardian ad litem in this case to provide me to speak on her behalf. This is a very sensitive situation and one that just isn't about my daughter and grand daughter, it is MY responsibility to see that every opportunity, every angle is not over looked. Both my daughter AND grand daughter are counting on me. Thanks for your help

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    The GAL is allowing you to speak on your daughter's behalf?

    Really? And the judge has approved this?

    What does the GAL think about your limited-cognitive adult child having a child of her own? Was she actually legally capable of giving consent? Do you realize that this actually might give the father an edge with actually getting custody of the child himself?

    All of this aside, the bottom line is that if Dad now wants to be Dad, the TPR is not going to happen.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Seeking Help with Mediation with Illegal Father

    And I thought I may add before anyone decides to assume that my daughter, because of her disability, is unable to care for her child, and therefore perhaps the father should be more involved; the father is no better off than my daughter. He too has a learning disability. They were both in SDC, back in high school. My daughter is a wonderful mother!

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