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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
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    Second star to the right...
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    323

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    Quote Quoting John.Byars79
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    Financially, our income was literally cut in half, and it was not high to begin with. We make JUST enough to cover basic bills now, nothing luxury. I am 2 months shy of having my degree and being able to find a job, but I'm also due in October, so I can't exactly pick up and work either unless I know I'll make enough to cover daycare and bring in income.
    I do not think so. What is that?
    You can’t change the past, but having just read your (and your husband’s) posting history there is a quite a dramatic history with him, his ex, his parents, etc. In one of your posts you indicate you have been in the relationship with your current husband for two years. It sounds like it was a whirlwind romance with your husband since you also indicate you already have a daughter with your husband and a new baby on the way.

    If you are going to plan better financially going forward, you also need to look at how you go about financial planning.

    Quote Quoting John.Byars79
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    If he has to keep the charges, that's fine. It is something he is prepared to deal with, even paying fines as we can afford to pay them back.
    How can you afford to pay fines of an unknown amount when you can’t afford the cost of classes? Are you banking on fines being cheaper? I wouldn't make that bet. Also, your husband might want to consider the court may view his failure to start classes as failure to take any accountability?

    In terms of the conviction remaining on his record, please read a bit about legislation passing through Tennessee right now that will seriously strengthen punishment for repeat offenders, should this occur again.

    Quote Quoting John.Byars79
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    However, as his wife, I am terrified my husband will go to jail. What are the odds of that? Pretty high? The judges we have met, where court will be held, all seem fairly friendly and supporting, however a court order is a court order. But I am not sure if his criminal record being expunged was based on staying "good" on his probation AND my request of classes, or just the probation. It was my choice for the classes, so is there any kind of chance he could get an extension, or move the court date to start and try to finish them? I feel quite silly having to ask this, given we're adults, and this should have been handled, but it wasn't.I do not think so. What is that?
    You keep blaming yourself for this predicament because you asked for classes. DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. This is not your fault. The classes were ordered by a judge because your husband made the choice to use physical force or violence during an argument. This predicament isn't because you asked a judge for classes, this predicament is because he used violence. Anyway, it might help you to know that anger management classes are typically ordered and there is a better than strong chance in Tennessee that they would have been ordered had you said nothing and hadn't requested them. This isn’t your fault.

    You are worrying tremendously, and I would be too in your shoes. It concerns me though that your husband isn’t taking more accountability here: he knows you are pregnant, he knows there are two small kids at home, he knows that he had to enroll in classes or face potential consequences. You don’t deserve to be dealing with the burden of this situation right now, wondering what is going to happen, and wishing your husband were stepping up. Even the fact the posts on this subject are coming from you makes me a bit concerned as to who is facing the burden of this situation.

    I think education is a good thing, and your college degree will serve you well. In the spirit of education, I really suggest you take a little time and read some of the books that are in the “bookstore” on AARDVARC’s website about domestic violence in relationships. I am a bit worried about you now and in the future.

    Good luck.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    1,376

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    A sliding fee scale is what a lot of agencies will use in order to make treatment more affordable to lower income participants. This does not apply to those whose income is significant, but their debt is substantial too. The idea is, if you don't have money to pay for classes, provide them with your income verification and they will try to assist you. However, if you fail to qualify because, you've lived above your finances, they can't do much to assist you.

    As for the classes, most judges and courts will not be willing to assume the risk and backlash if he abuses you again. You did nothing wrong and you have protected yourself by trying to get help while attempting to salvage your relationship. A PAIP is not a guarantee that he wrong abuse again, but it's beneficial to those that want to learn.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    6,808

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    As they have said....the fines are going to be a lot more than the classes, plus potential for jail. He needs to take responsibility for this and contact the court asap.

    I would advise seeking help with Community Mental Health or Planned Parenthood. You are already with two kids you can't afford and a third on the way. Both offer sliding-scale services for birth control. Michigan has a plan called Plan First, and I get my birth control for free. When I was employed, I got Depo Provera on a sliding-scale fee. It's a shot that lasts three months, and it was $40. Definitely worth looking into after your baby is born. Planned Parenthood can also assist you in getting supplies for the baby, and if you are being abused, refer you to assistance.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    21

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    Your advice to me was to ...abort my child, in order to feel better prepared for my husband to go to jail? ...Seriously?
    I'm fully aware of how to "prevent" a child. This baby was very planned, and I'm 20 weeks. No going back now. ...Thanks though. I think.

    Quote Quoting PandorasBox
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    As they have said....the fines are going to be a lot more than the classes, plus potential for jail. He needs to take responsibility for this and contact the court asap.

    I would advise seeking help with Community Mental Health or Planned Parenthood. You are already with two kids you can't afford and a third on the way. Both offer sliding-scale services for birth control. Michigan has a plan called Plan First, and I get my birth control for free. When I was employed, I got Depo Provera on a sliding-scale fee. It's a shot that lasts three months, and it was $40. Definitely worth looking into after your baby is born. Planned Parenthood can also assist you in getting supplies for the baby, and if you are being abused, refer you to assistance.
    Upon reviewing his court order, it simply states, by the judge that my husband is ordered to remain on Unsupervised probation for 11 months and 29 days. And court in June will simply be a "Review" of that court order. It states at the bottom in different hand writing that his wife simply requested he take a 26 weeks court of "DV classes."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Second star to the right...
    Posts
    323

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    Quote Quoting John.Byars79
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    Your advice to me was to ...abort my child, in order to feel better prepared for my husband to go to jail? ...Seriously?
    I'm fully aware of how to "prevent" a child. This baby was very planned, and I'm 20 weeks. No going back now. ...Thanks though. I think.
    OP, I think you are mis-reading the intent of Pandora's post. (I don't think) Pandora was advocating you get an abortion. She was indicating that you could get assistance with birth control going forward if you are unable to afford that protection.

    I responsed to you, and perhaps others did as well, under a basic assumption that with strained finances and two children you wouldn't plan to increase the stress by creating another baby. You indicate that the child was planned however, and that just emphasizes the need for future financial planning. Wasn't the argument that brought this situation to a head over money? Yet, after that fight and his arrest you choose to create a child which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise rather than investing in some classes to help your husband control his behavior? The priorities here seem out of whack

    Perhaps your husband will get lucky in court. I am much less hopeful for you in this marriage. I hope I am wrong. Good luck

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    Quote Quoting drthyrd
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    OP, I think you are mis-reading the intent of Pandora's post. (I don't think) Pandora was advocating you get an abortion. She was indicating that you could get assistance with birth control going forward if you are unable to afford that protection.

    I responsed to you, and perhaps others did as well, under a basic assumption that with strained finances and two children you wouldn't plan to increase the stress by creating another baby. You indicate that the child was planned however, and that just emphasizes the need for future financial planning. Wasn't the argument that brought this situation to a head over money? Yet, after that fight and his arrest you choose to create a child which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise rather than investing in some classes to help your husband control his behavior? The priorities here seem out of whack

    Perhaps your husband will get lucky in court. I am much less hopeful for you in this marriage. I hope I am wrong. Good luck



    Agreed 1000%.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Failure to Complete Domestic Violence Classes During Probation

    Planned Parenthood offers many other services besides abortion. I don't see where Pandy mentioned abortion at all.

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