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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    22

    Default Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida, I live in New Mexico.

    I am currently going through a custody issue with their father, he has two of our children in Florida and I have our youngest in NM. I have already filed and complied to everything the Judge has required, he has not. He has asked for a continuance because of this through a temporary lawyer he has hired. I do not have a lawyer as I can not afford one. He has been harassing me at home and a few times at work looking for me, wanting to know where I am and for how long, what my schedule is for work (hours, days off, etc.) My question is, Is he entitled to have my work schedule and how often I leave our daughter with my mom for care? And if he is entitled to it wouldn't have the same rights on who drives our children around as he does not have a drivers license.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    He's not entitled to such information. I answered your other post.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    I don't disagree. But I do have a question.

    Is this really the hill you want to die on?

    It sounds as if you have an uphill battle with this guy. He's several states away and in a different time zone. Does it really matter all that much if he knows your work schedule? What harm is it going to do - what can he do from Florida if you're in New Mexico? Wouldn't it make more sense to bend on some issues that aren't really of any import and save your energy for things that matter?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    22

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    Thank you for your reply, would I have such rights to know about the woman he and our children are living with, example her background/driving record and basically how she is as a person/parent. She is a mom of 3 with 3 different father's according to my ex who is the father of her youngest (3 months old). Thank you.

    In reponse to CBG : I have been nothing but cooperative with him, I have complied to all his requests and demands, and he is never satisfied with the outcome, no matter how much I bend over for him. If I give in to everything then he wants more. I have already have had discussions with him on my schedule, but he wants to know every hour I will work or have worked, when I go into work, when I leave work. For example he called yesterday asking what my schedule is for the week, I told him I will not know until tomorrow, I then told him I go into work that night and he wanted to know what time so I told him 11pm to 4am and at 4:08am he was calling my phone to see where I was at. I am just looking for the best advice as I have never had to accommodate so much to one person even after we are no longer together, I understand he wants to talk to our daughter and I do not take that right from him, but I also would like to have a life too. Thank you

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    So which answer is going to make him stop calling, or call less frequently:

    1.) My work schedule for the week is 11-4 Monday through Thursday.

    2.) Go away, stop calling me, I'm not going to tell you what my work schedule is.

    I'm not saying you are obligated to tell him - you're not. I'm just wondering what would provide you with the more favorable result.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    Quote Quoting irishsun77
    View Post
    Thank you for your reply, would I have such rights to know about the woman he and our children are living with, example her background/driving record and basically how she is as a person/parent. She is a mom of 3 with 3 different father's according to my ex who is the father of her youngest (3 months old). Thank you.
    No. You have no such right to that information. Neither does he have that right to such information about you and whom you're around or have the children around. No person is perfect, and the court's dont care if this woman has 10 children and 20 potential fathers. The child's parent apparantly sees SOMETHING positive about her, and until and unless she's is PROVEN to be an ACTUAL danger to the children, the court is going to presume that dad's judgment is sound. After all, dad also picked YOU to be mother to these children, so his decision making can't, by definition, be all bad. Similarly, you CHOSE to have children with this man, and the courts are going to presume that you chose someone with enough wits to not endanger the children. Again, until there is PROOF to the contrary.


    In reponse to CBG : I have been nothing but cooperative with him, I have complied to all his requests and demands, and he is never satisfied with the outcome, no matter how much I bend over for him.
    Then STOP DOING SO. Your total compliance has TAUGHT him that he can be as demanding as he wants and you will give in. Put your foot down, stiffen your spine, say "no", and hang up the phone. You're going to have to teach him that things need to be done in a NEW way.


    If I give in to everything then he wants more. I have already have had discussions with him on my schedule, but he wants to know every hour I will work or have worked, when I go into work, when I leave work. For example he called yesterday asking what my schedule is for the week, I told him I will not know until tomorrow, I then told him I go into work that night and he wanted to know what time so I told him 11pm to 4am and at 4:08am he was calling my phone to see where I was at. I am just looking for the best advice as I have never had to accommodate so much to one person even after we are no longer together, I understand he wants to talk to our daughter and I do not take that right from him, but I also would like to have a life too. Thank you
    Then learn to STOP giving in to him. If you want your life back, YOU will have to reclaim it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    22

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    To CBG: to be honest neither one of those responses will be be enough for him.

    to aardvarc: Thank you for all the great advice and you are right that I need to put my foot down and that is what I am doing and I know should have done, its just difficult to say no because he uses our children as pawns to get what he wants. We have set times to communicate with our children but when he does not get his way, the 2 of our children he has are conveniently not available or his phone is turned off. we were together for 5 years and he controlled everything, and it wasn't until we were apart to see how much he controlled me and broke me down. I am now working on getting my life back and moving forward. I figured I did not have any right to know about the woman he is living with, as that is his private life I just go off what he has told me about her and will believe that she is good to our children. thank you

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    Quote Quoting irishsun77
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida, I live in New Mexico.

    I am currently going through a custody issue with their father, he has two of our children in Florida and I have our youngest in NM. I have already filed and complied to everything the Judge has required, he has not. He has asked for a continuance because of this through a temporary lawyer he has hired. I do not have a lawyer as I can not afford one. He has been harassing me at home and a few times at work looking for me, wanting to know where I am and for how long, what my schedule is for work (hours, days off, etc.) My question is, Is he entitled to have my work schedule and how often I leave our daughter with my mom for care? And if he is entitled to it wouldn't have the same rights on who drives our children around as he does not have a drivers license.
    Our lawyer in our custody case subpoena my Step sons mom work records to obtain her work schedule and any other information that we could use in court such as her being written up or anything.

    As for the who drives, those things are parenting choices not written documents.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    Quote Quoting asulover
    View Post
    Our lawyer in our custody case subpoena my Step sons mom work records to obtain her work schedule and any other information that we could use in court such as her being written up or anything.

    As for the who drives, those things are parenting choices not written documents.

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????

    A decent attorney would have stomped on that in a heartbeat. Stepmom's work record is frankly none of the other parent's business. In fact, it's nobody else's business but hers. If someone needs to "use" that in court? You likely have much bigger problems.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Knowing the Other Party's Work Schedule

    Quote Quoting irishsun77
    View Post
    its just difficult to say no because he uses our children as pawns to get what he wants.
    Just try to remember this: the children only work as pawns if he gets what he wants. When using them doesn't work....

    And, just as important, you have the benefit of being able to use the court to get what YOU want. If dad isn't obeying the court's order regarding the visitation of your children, the court can order things like make up time, and if dad makes a habit of denying you the time you are due under the order, the court can take the children AWAY from dad. So stay on top of this and bring the matter to the court with a motion for contempt if dad doesn't fly right.



    We have set times to communicate with our children but when he does not get his way, the 2 of our children he has are conveniently not available or his phone is turned off. we were together for 5 years and he controlled everything, and it wasn't until we were apart to see how much he controlled me and broke me down.
    It's often easier to see it when you look back on it. And now that you can see it, be proud for yourself. Take a deep breath, put your shoulders back, and practice saying to yourself "no more of this shi...er....stuff. Take some comfort that there's another adult who cares for your children - so many children don't have that. And remember that you DO have tools, including judges and the courts, on your side if dad continues to make spending time with your children problematic.

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