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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Anne Arundel County, MD
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    2

    Default Reporting a Rape Years Later

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Virginia.
    I currently live in MD, dated a guy that I knew from HS while I was in college. I would commute from MD to VA for school. Anyway, I began dating an abusive guy, it started with verbal insults, them about a month into the relationship he became physically abusive. The first rape occurred the last Friday of May 2009. I didn't to to police but did talk with a social worker and ER therapist June 8, 2009. I was too scared and embarrassed to give him name, no report was given.
    August 31, 2009, after stupidly getting back together, he raped me again, beat me with a belt which left scars still visible to this day.I became pregnant from that incident, and the violence and more rapes continued. He even recorded sexual assaults and took pictures of the damage he did to me up until I was eight months pregant, then I was able to get out of that situation.
    My daughter was born in May of 2010, and after learning of her birth, he came to visit a handful of times, though he always would get violent with me. It ended after she was a month old. He took me to court demanding sole legal and physical custody of our child, but instead I was awarded sole legal and physical custody, so that's not even a concern of mine. He gets supervised visits.
    During the discovery phase of the case, however, his lawyer alerted my lawyer that there were videos of me on a pornsite, and the copy she sent my lawyer of a video posted was one where he that edited it to only show me, but I was bruised and apologizing, visibly shaken and afraid in the short clip. I just would like to know if he can be prosecuted for anything, any video he had shows that I wasn't giving consent. Also, he wouldn't share what site they were posted to, but they're out there. I dunno what to do, but would like to know if the police could be involved. I'm willing to to down to VA, and don't want him to get away with violating me and boasting about it. I don't want him to hurt anyone else. I know I am late if I do go to report, and I was trying to avoid reporting due to the toll it would take on me. It was hard enough sharing such things with a judge in family court. But after learning that he's distributing the videos, I want it to stop, are the least have them removed from the site which he wouldn't name. Sorry to blab anyone advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Reporting a Rape Years Later

    I would say you have little to no credibility on the issue. You were willingly in a long term sadomasochistic relationship with the man, which is documented on video. It appears that now you are trying to reinvent history for some reason related to the child you share jointly. I suggest before you do anything else related to this, you seek a therapist to try and clarify your own actions in the past.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Anne Arundel County, MD
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Reporting a Rape Years Later

    Super sorry about the first post being rampant with errors, by the time I was able to reread it, I could no longer edit it. So I'll repost what I meant to say, so it can be easily understood, and then hopefully admin will delete it.


    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Virginia. Northeren VA(Falls Church VA to be exact)
    I currently live in MD, the incidents I wish to report took place in VA. I would commute from MD to VA for school. Anyway, I began dating a guy, who ended up being very abusive(mentally, emotionally, physically, and even sexually), it started with verbal insults, then about a month into the relationship he became physically abusive. We had our first date in April of 2009. The first rape occurred the last Friday of May 2009, he said he was tired of waiting and that I made him do it that night, I blamed myself for his actions and struggle at times with it now and it's 2012. I didn't go to police but did talk with a social worker and therapist June 8, 2009, when I checked myself into a hospital because I just didn't know how to manage at the time, it was the only way I could get away from him. I was too scared and embarrassed to give his name, so no report was given. And after he got the number to the hospital I was at, I decided it was best to just deny anything happened at all so he wouldn't be all the more upset with me. Rational thinking on my part, went out the window, I functioned on the basis of fear.
    August 31, 2009, after stupidly getting back together, he raped me again, beat me with a belt which left scars still visible to this day. I became pregnant from that incident(he didn't ever wear a condom when he used me in that way, and afterwards would just wipe me with a kleenex like it was nothing, I meant nothing) The violence and more rapes continued, though not not just vaginal, no sexual contact between he and I was ever consented to on my part. I would do things out of fear, and when I would say no, he'd hit me until I would comply. He even recorded sexual assaults and took pictures of the damage he did to me. He would threaten to send such things to family members and friends, I believed him. I remained in the relationship up until I was eight months pregnant, then I was able to get out of that situation and put my life together, and take care of myself and the baby growing inside of me. I placed her at risk with his violence during the pregnancy but I digress.
    My daughter was born in May of 2010, and after learning of her birth, he came to visit a handful of times, though he always would get violent with me. It ended after she was a month old. During the last visit he pushed me while I was holding the child and that was witnessed by a roomate. He never came back by or called, and I moved on with my life, got back in school( had to take a break and care for my daughter). He took me to court demanding sole legal and physical custody of our child, asking the courts for me to pay him child support even, but instead I was awarded sole legal and physical custody, so that's not even a concern of mine. He gets supervised visits. So, please note that none of this on my part is being done out of spite, or to get the upper hand in custody because that's been ruled on. Though I really do not like him at all and don't have a kind thing to say about him, custody is not a motive in the actions I wish to take.
    During the discovery phase of the custody case, his lawyer alerted my lawyer that there were videos of me on a pornsite, and she sent my lawyer of a video posted on a site that was clearly edited by him to only show me, but I was bruised and apologizing, visibly shaken and afraid in the short clip (it was a less than a minute clip of me speaking). He was going to use the video to attack my character at trial, though during trial they didn't even mention it. It was a low blow on his part to get me to settle with him, he wanted sole physical and legal custody of our daughter, and was asking that I pay him child support, there was no in between with him. That really isn't why I'm asking the question here, because the custody part isn't even an issue again, it's just that I learned he actually in a way followed through on the threat of showing people those videos.
    I feel he should be charged for his actions. He raped me, and has posted videos someplace without my consent. He wouldn't even tell my lawyer what site they are posted on, so that I can ask them to be removed.
    I just would like to know if he can be prosecuted for anything, any video he had shows that I wasn't giving consent. Even that short clip given illustrates my claims of abuse. I suppose that's why it wasn't used at trial, and he only shared it to silence me again, but it has only made me want to speak up. I'm speaking out against him now, and want to report him. I went to the police station around here, and was told they have no jurisdiction. Can anything even be done in VA now?
    Also, he wouldn't share what site the movies were posted to, but they're out there. I dunno what to do. I dunno how many people have seen me in such a horrible and shaming state. I'm willing to to down to VA, and don't want him to get away with violating me and boasting about it. I don't want him to hurt anyone else either, or if something like this is happening to someone he is currently dating, I would like my report to be on record, so that if she ever reports anything the police will see it's a pattern. I doubt I'm the first person he's abused in this manner. I know I am late if I do go to report, and I've been trying to avoid reporting due to the toll it would take on me. It was hard enough sharing such things with a judge in family court, having to been in the same room as him, and share really painful details with him sitting a few feet away smirking.
    Luckily the judge could see that I was honest, that he was abusive, and that my child nor myself are safe alone with him.
    After learning that he's distributing the videos, I want it to stop, or at the very least have them removed from the site which he wouldn't name. Sorry to blab anyone advice would be greatly appreciated.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    17,019

    Default Re: Reporting a Rape Years Later

    I apologize for misinterpreting your initial post. I know of a situation similar to yours, though not as dramatic, in that there were no recordings. Unfortunately, because she established a pattern of accepting the rapes, she had no credibility to substantiate she was more than a battered woman. I suggest your best course of action would be to consult the resources of a local battered womans shelter. They will have police resources not available to you alone, by the nature of their work. In regard to the recordings being online, your recourse would be to write a cease and desist letter to the site showing them, threatening to sue if they do not remove them. If they don't comply, you will likely need to pay a lawyer to sue them.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Reporting a Rape Years Later

    Why have my replies been delted? I've simply stated that I don't see anything being done about the videos, for starters because you don't even know where they are posted.

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