My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Minnesota
We have joint custody and have been divorced almost 6 years. We live within a mile radius. We have 3 boys. Father has now decided to make up a rule that the boys can only do 2 activities/sports per YEAR but did so without consulting me. He won't talk with me about it, we went to mediation and it was unsucessful. His rule basically rules (according to him)... No talk of what a year is (is it the school year or Jan-Dec or 4 seasons), no talk of what is considered a sport or activity, etc etc..(is choir? swimming lessons? Chess even though you have to sign up 3 times a year, is that considered 1 activity or 3? no clear rules). Anyhow, he has since forced the boys into promising they will NOT do any more activities/sports even during MY PARENTING TIME. I told them they would do Chess club on my parenting days/my rules, that's final (as they want to continue with chess club). I discussed boundaries with them, had them in counseling a few times to talk about boundaries/rules at each home. Chess is only on my Tuesdays, I haven't asked him for money for the club, I haven't asked him for help with rides or anything, the kids are so afraid of "not doing the right thing" because they "promised" their father (forced-bullied into making a promise they are not even sure what it is about), I wasn't even included in the conversation with the children or promise. My third son is not in chess club but wrestles by his choice knowing his dad does not support him (part-time on my parenting days/weekends, with the coaches encouragement). My rules/my house right? But their father is trying to control my house and his house. I understand I cannot force him to let the children do sports/activities on his time. But the reason we live so close (so I thought) was to CO Parent and help with rides, help each other co parent the children. But... the question is: What is reasonable? One of the boys is in the 98 percentile for state testing in math and reading, (they are all in elementary school), they are all average to above average students. They were able to do different activities/sports in past years without any issues (more than 2 a calendar year). Now ex is remarried and the boys have made comments about their dad saying it isn't fair for them to be in activities/sports if their step-siblings can't. And now they are at the ages where they actually know what sports/activity they want to do, and which ones they don't. Since Mediation did not work, after several failed attempts and emailing (as he refuses to verbally talk with me), I want to file a motion so that when middle school hits, the kids can be in sports full time or an activity full time without feeling guilty and so that their team can benefit from them being there full time.. I feel 2 activities/sports per season is reasonable. And anything extra on any given parenting day should be ok (without guilting the child), for example, 4 tennis lessons only on my parenting day (if the child asks to do so) or chess club if it is only on my parenting day. Then they should be able to be in soccer full time or baseball full time or wrestling full time [U]if it DOES NOT AFFECT their grades (which it has not in the past, and currently they are all still average/above average for grades even while continuing activities/sports). Again, the question is, what is reasonable and does anyone have any specific wording in their decree? We still have sit-down supper before sports. We still do homework right after school or right after chess. It is not affecting "family time". My decree simply says "All mutually agreed in writing prior to registering the children in any sports or extracurricular activities, including without limitation, the registration or fee cost, clothing and equipment directly related to such activity, of which such activtiy materials shall be in a separate bag that accompanies each child" . This is under the "who pays what" information, 50%/50%. It used to say "a child's desire to be in a sport/activity" but last time at court he slipped that past me and I didn't catch it (we are in court every year, mediation never works) and really, the kids were able to play and participate in what they wanted without any trouble. So, considering chess is on my parenting days only, I signed them up again (for the 6 weeks) because 1. it doesn't infringe on his parenting time 2. kids want to be in the activity and we live 2 blocks from the after-school activity 3. didn't ask him to pay anything toward it so that the kids could be in chess or a sport if they wanted to (like soccer/wrestling, which he wouldn't let them anyway). Sorry this is so long, I hope it is not too confusing. Thank you.

