Domestic Violence and Intimidation Charges

[viol8te]

Geez, a little worked up aren't we? I have no investment in pissing you off. You need to be aware of what the court sees and what you see as a defendant. They are two completely different things. Your story is a dime a dozen for me. Every guy with a odmestic charge tells me something that has at least one of your statements in it.

As valid as your point is to you about the mom seeing all of the phone calls is to you, it means little to the court. Plenty of women have problems leaving their batterer's. You raising up and showing uncontrollable anger in front of the police was not a good move. The weed pipe? Whatever.

The bottom line is that you may not have done what you are alleged of doing. Maybe you did. But the way you handled it does not make you a sympathetic case for the judge or a jury. I didn't say that I don't believe you. I'm saying it doesn't matter.

And the whole thing about you not wanting to get her in trouble when she is in breach of the law? You'll be back in the same situation again. And I'm not angry. Just sayin'.

[WrongfullyAccusedOne]

I probably will. I always take her back. She threatens to kill herself (even if they're empty threats). If you met her you would see that she is adorable. I've had my heart broken and it completely ****ed my life up for about 4 entire years. She doesn't understand what she does wrong, but I still can't sleep well knowing she's awake and probably crying or swallowing her entire bottle of medicine or something like that.

The entire relationship is a 100% sacrifice. Yes, I should leave her and find someone else. And yes, it's my own fault for not doing that. And yes, I may very well end up in this situation again in the future. That's a different problem entirely and I still don't know what to do about that, but it's irrelevant.

The past couple of posts from both of us are really pointless because they're not helpful to either me or you. And I already know how the courts will see me. They don't know me personally. That's what upsets me so much. I wish they did, and with the situation it very well could look like I have an anger issue when I don't.

There is nothing wrong with standing up (in the most literal sense) for yourself when someone makes a threat. I will never regret that. However, I should have been smarter and just stayed seated when the police were there. I gotta say, and maybe I deserve jail for this? But I would do it again. He has threatened me so many times in the past, the dude is a prick. He's probably 45 and he throws temper tantrums and breaks shit when he's angry. I'm not going to put up with that.

The officer understands, and that's all I needed to feel better about it.

[jk]

I probably will. I always take her back. She threatens to kill herself (even if they're empty threats). If you met her you would see that she is adorable. I've had my heart broken and it completely ****ed my life up for about 4 entire years. She doesn't understand what she does wrong, but I still can't sleep well knowing she's awake and probably crying or swallowing her entire bottle of medicine or something like that.
.

Don't take this wrong.

You need counseling.

You are allowing her to manipulate you. You need to learn how to rid yourself of this person.

[WrongfullyAccusedOne]

I've seen how she gets when I break up with her. Her mom says she's never seen her care so much about being with someone. The shittiest thing about this is that I still love her to death, the thought of her being unhappy makes me lose sleep at night. I'm miserable without her. The only option I see is trying to get counseling for both of us. I value her happiness over my own. Then again, I have Major Depressive Disorder, not really sure what happy means anymore.

So yeah, I do need counseling (and probably medication) but not for any sort of anger problem.

Also, she's not manipulating me. I don't think she would actually kill herself. But it's obvious she feels that way and knowing she feels like that every day, all day, I can't go through a day knowing that.

Not trying to go way off topic here. My lawyer said to get a print-out of the phone records and Facebook messages just in case.

[Dogmatique]

What does your attorney think that phone records and Facebook messages will prove?

(Really yes - you do need anger management as well as further counseling. And you need to be far, far away from her - this is a completely toxic relationship)

[WrongfullyAccusedOne]

What does your attorney think that phone records and Facebook messages will prove?

(Really yes - you do need anger management as well as further counseling. And you need to be far, far away from her - this is a completely toxic relationship)

I don't need anger management. It wouldn't change who I am. And who I am is someone that will stand up for myself when being threatened. I don't need anger management to tell me not to do it in front of police. I have experience to tell me that.

And he said they won't be relevant to the case but it's a good idea to just have them.

And I'm sure it sounds like a toxic relationship, but to be fair, you've only heard about one (terrible) incident and don't really know anything about me or her. I'm not trying to sound rude, it's just the truth. There are a lot of things she needs to change about herself and I feel this was the catalyst that will cause her to try and change. I've already laid some ground-rules and we're both going to go to the local Mental Health Center for counseling.

What it really comes down to is that I love her, for better or worse and I don't want anybody else. Most of the time, she's the most adorable thing you could ever meet. There's just a few (but serious) issues she needs to work on. I'm sure I have a couple myself (anger management not being one).

I hope the prosecutor will see that her and her family don't want me in trouble. She says she doesn't want to testify. I don't know if that will make him drop the case or not. I figure if he hasn't already, then he's not going to. My trial isn't until March and it's set as a jury trial as far as I know. I'm really worried.

[viol8te]

I've seen how she gets when I break up with her. Her mom says she's never seen her care so much about being with someone. The shittiest thing about this is that I still love her to death, the thought of her being unhappy makes me lose sleep at night. I'm miserable without her. The only option I see is trying to get counseling for both of us. I value her happiness over my own. Then again, I have Major Depressive Disorder, not really sure what happy means anymore.

So yeah, I do need counseling (and probably medication) but not for any sort of anger problem.

Also, she's not manipulating me. I don't think she would actually kill herself. But it's obvious she feels that way and knowing she feels like that every day, all day, I can't go through a day knowing that.

Not trying to go way off topic here. My lawyer said to get a print-out of the phone records and Facebook messages just in case.

The funny thing is that you keep saying that all this other banter is irrelevant. As you keep talking, I hope that you see that it's not. When I used to run DV groups, my co-facilitator used to have a saying, "people treat you the way you teach them to."

Your depression, your urge to please someone that you seem to be incapable to satiate, your desire to stand up for yourself without feeling a need to make the other person stand down. All of these things are relavent to why you are the position that you find yourself currently. The fact that you are holding on to a relationship with someone that is more invested in making you change for her, rather than you both changing is telling. The fact that you think that counseling is a must for you both is good, but she has to see that too. The fact that her happiness is more important than yours is scary. Neither one of you will ever benefit from that notion.

You seriously need counseling. It will empower you to take control of things in a healthier way. Raising up to her dad like that is not the way to stand up for yourself. It just caused more problems for you and it gave him a bigger reason to get in your face again.