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  1. #1

    Angry My 8 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Georgia

    So im new here but i know what i want to say. I have custody of my son, his mother only sees him at her convience. He has been put in situations that no 8 yr old shoud... the emotional turmoil has taken a toll on him alot lately. I have a fiance who has a 10 yr old and we just had a little boy together. Since then my son hasreally not wanted to go to his mothers. she clls and cancels allthe time or tries to reschedule. i used to work with her until recently this year. When she told me i wasnot followng our temporary divorce decree. So i started following them to a T, now she blames me because i go by the papers and dont let hr get him when its convient for her. She is about 1100 behind in child support and only falling frther behind.
    on dec 19 sean called his mom and again told her he didnt wanna come up on christmas break,she immediately started saying you dont wanna see me? you dont loveme? and things of that nature ! i snatch the phone at that point he is hysterical. I made the deciion he didnt have to go. I had spoken to officers and a lawyer but hecant do anything right now. so baically all i really want to know is how is it she filed a police report when she isnt the sole custodial parent. she sent an officer out CHRISMAS morning to make somehing happen and ofcourse the cop checked on the child and he was fine and didnt wanna leave and told the office that. howcan i change this>>> she has only started trying to make a change and show up since me and my fiance got together andshe ralized sean had a motherly figure now and he has started losing interst in her. And since his little brother came home he really doesnt wanna got...
    Cant i use the emotional abuse she puts on my son as something to get supervised visits for?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    Congratulations, you are in contempt of court.

    If there is a court order giving her visitation over Christmas break, then he goes. It is not a court suggestion or a court guideline - it is a court ORDER. Neither you nor your son get to unilaterally decide not to follow it. Mom's reasons for showing up don 't matter. And if you think that's emotional abuse, brother, you need to get out more.

    Until or unless a court says otherwise (and nothing you have posted has suggested that a court would do so) when the order says Mom gets the kid, Mom gets the kid. If he doesn't want to go - tough. It is YOUR JOB to see that he goes anyway.

  3. #3

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    well... another question then... why will cops not eforce it . and if the child doesnt want to go how old does he have to be before he can make that decision i was told he is old enough to make the decision just couldnt decide to changehis living arrangements.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    And I'll go even further - Dad, allowing your son to call Mom and say that was a TERRIFICALLY bad idea.

    It's time for a reality check. Your son is 8 years old - do you want him to start playing you off against Mom? Do you think that he should have such power over you both?

    No?

    Then STOP IT. Because you're setting yourself up for a nightmare here.

    And worse? You withheld CHRISTMAS visitation. The courts take that stuff incredibly seriously, far more-so than regular visitation. If this seems like I'm being harsh, it's because I want you to realize that if you continue on this path, you can LOSE CUSTODY.

    Are we on the same page, Dad?

    Edited to add: He chooses when he's 18. Not a moment before.

    (The reason why the police won't enforce is because it's a civil matter. The court can, however, seriously smack you)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    9,096

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    Hey Dad... if you don't think this is craptastic parenting, wait a year or two when you tell him no to something he really wants to do.

    How will you feel when he tells you he would just rather stay at mom's for a year or so? Why, you will be hurt and angry and demand he come home. Welcome to mom's world.

    You make your child go to school, the dentist and the doctor whether he wants to or not. Why you would think it is okay to force him to go to THOSE places but not to see his own mother is just breath taking. You see, a judge will see it is less about your ability to force a child to go somewhere and more about whether or not you think mom's house is important.

    That is NOT a conversation you want to have with a judge. you see, the nice judge will decide to flip custody to make up for lost time. Yup... mom will become the custodial parent and YOU get to see him Wednesdays and every other weekend.

    you either facilitate time with mom or the judge will force the issue. Your choice.

    Now, be a dad and not a buddy. Do not, EVER, involve your child in custody issues, you coward. Having him go on the phone to tell mom he didn't want to see her was one of the worst thing I have ever heard any parent do. If mom didn't go to court today, she is missing a prime opportunity to regain custodial rights.

    Be a man and stop using your child as a chip on a game table. It isn't about winning or losing but about what is best for the child.

  6. #6

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    yea we are on the same page ... however i guess i should go more into detail of the last 4 years ... mom asked tohave sean call so he did and the first thing out of his mouth is he didnt wanna go she was notified more than once that he didnt wanna go and he asked to come up a few days later she would not bend. she gets pissed becasue sean asked me how much she would be working forthe duration of his visit and i told hm exactly what she told me .. she was working all but three days.Last year becaseu we went thru this again and becaase he wanted to stay with me again she agred that if we brought him up she would allow it. there was alot said and frm the legaladvice i got from a locl lawyer i was in no wrong. yea i didnt enforce my son to do/go somewhere he didnt want to. HE has grwn up way faster than he should have becasue his mother has always let him know the legal stuff that any 6-8 yr old shouldnt kniow.... she walkedout on him and i ... im not using him toplay againist anyone! when is it when its ok to let the child think fir himself? make his own opinions and decisions about things thatpertain to him? hes not in a stable envirment up there carted around and never surof where he will b at night and left lone while her and he fl of the month go off to a party for hours?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    She doesn't HAVE to bend.

    It shouldn't even be open for discussion - it's a case of "Sean, this isn't up to you. You're going to Mom's. Have a great time!". And frankly, even telling Mom was a bad thing. Did you correct Sean's understanding of the matter? You didn't, did you? Did you explain that court orders are ORDERS and must be followed? You're enabling this situation, Dad. And if Mom pushes it and you keep doing this, you're going to lose custody.

    Do you understand that?

    The attorney you spoke to is absolutely wrong and frankly I don't believe that the attorney told you that at all.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
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    604

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    A child who is 8 years old is way to young to choose not to see his mother - not just because he is only 8, but also because it is the wrong decision. Its up to you to teach your CHILD, as his PARENT, the proper perspective on the situation, and have some respect for his mother regardless of whether or not he (or you) feel that she is deserving of that respect. Why? Because showing respect to ones parents as a child is always an appropriate thing to do. That doesn't mean he has to like or agree with everything she does, but it does mean that he needs to understand that spending time with her is important, even if not fun, and that he doesn't get to choose these things, because he is a CHILD, and children follow rules and show respect.

  9. #9

    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    Like i said i guess i should elaborate more! I am his father not his buddy. She is the one that uses him as a pawn i have never i mean never usdmy son as chip butwhen it comes to his mother he makes his own decisions! The dr dentist andschool are matter of health anda career going to his moms is nothing but a scary mess! A week with out a shower no personal hgene sleeping on the floor or a couch going to work with her at a retail place for 8 hours a day. Being left home alne and all the emotional mistreatment! I nor my fiance have nver said onecross word about her in front of o with in ear shot of him... She tried to come pick him up wih out his booster seat , which we hve sent threeup there to her wth ... Then after borrowing another one of ours she still brings him home with out one becuse she "forgot " to puthim in one cuse she just didnt think it was important.... I knw he loveshis mom and i have never rfused her seein him and just like the lawyer said i dont have to sit around and wait on her to get him when she pleases. If the cild doesnt wanna go wht am i to do cause he dont feel safe up there? She has a male roomate i have never met norknow anything about ... Her ex had history of child abuse and domestic violence... But that makes me the bad guy for feelin unsureofsending my son up there?i wnat to go before a judge! I want to i have documentation for the last 4 yrs since she left us. Her selling drugs and being around him while doing it.
    Again i never bring up this shit with him hes 8 ****ing years old! I know not to ! I guess it was ignornt on my part not to fully disclse thewhole issue at hand!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: My 8 Year Old Son Doesnt Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

    Quote Quoting Seansdaddy311
    View Post
    yea we are on the same page ... however i guess i should go more into detail of the last 4 years ... mom asked tohave sean call so he did and the first thing out of his mouth is he didnt wanna go she was notified more than once that he didnt wanna go and he asked to come up a few days later she would not bend. she gets pissed becasue sean asked me how much she would be working forthe duration of his visit and i told hm exactly what she told me .. she was working all but three days.Last year becaseu we went thru this again and becaase he wanted to stay with me again she agred that if we brought him up she would allow it. there was alot said and frm the legaladvice i got from a locl lawyer i was in no wrong. yea i didnt enforce my son to do/go somewhere he didnt want to. HE has grwn up way faster than he should have becasue his mother has always let him know the legal stuff that any 6-8 yr old shouldnt kniow.... she walkedout on him and i ... im not using him toplay againist anyone! when is it when its ok to let the child think fir himself? make his own opinions and decisions about things thatpertain to him? hes not in a stable envirment up there carted around and never surof where he will b at night and left lone while her and he fl of the month go off to a party for hours?
    she doesn't have to bend.

    Are you saying you never work when he is in YOUR custody?

    he gets to make his choice upon his 18th birthday.

    why would you think we would care who walked out on whom?

    Are you saying the answer to his instability is to never let him go to mom's?

    Yup, mom should pursue custodial... you aren't getting this.

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