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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    Default My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do That6

    My question involves adoption law for the State of: Illinois
    I had a son from a previous relationship, where he was abusive and i got an order of protection for me and my son the courts are trying to get the father involved in my son's life as long as he had a steady home, job and a car to get back and forth. It has been a little over 6 months since then they gave him 6 months to get everything together ( he only has been through 6 jobs since then and lived in 2 diffrent places and got 2 cars repoed) and go back to court after we did a mediation, he never got a hold of our mediatior to set up a time before court started, he didn't even show up at court, the courts gave him another week, he didn't do anything this time either, and court is coming up to extented the order or protection again. He had 2 diffrent times to do the mediation and he never even called his lawyer. His lawyer told the courts that he hasn't even heard from him in 3 weeks. (that was almost 6 weeks ago) This man has never done anything for his son. I have gotten married and my husband wants to adopt my son, but we have moved to a diffrent state for my husband's job and plan to move back to Illinios in 6 months, how can we go about this when the courts keep giving him too many chances?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do Th

    1. Did you notify Dad of the relocation? There is a reason for my question.

    2. You're not going to be able to have your husband adopt just yet. You need to remain married - the court wants to see stability - for some time first. There is no firm time-frame in Illinois but a general guideline is a year.

    Legally speaking, there is no such thing as "too many chances". The courts will give Dad literally every last chance to be part of his child's life.

    Quick question.

    If your husband does adopt and you later divorce, are you going to be okay with him getting custody and you paying him child support?

    Is HE going to be okay, should you divorce, with paying child support for a child who is not his biologically?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    11

    Default Re: My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do Th

    Yes, he knows just about everything he knows where i live, my contact information, (don't like it but my lawyer said i had to) that i'm a stay at home mom he knows information about my husband. Its been about 6 months since we got married. My husband and i have already talked about divorce and how it would affect everyone and we both agreed we would treat it like my son was his biological son that he would have visitations pay support the whole nine yards.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do Th

    And you're okay with HIM having custody?

    It happens, Mom. More often than you may realize.

    But given your other thread, my honest advice is to stop and think. Slow down. You're wanting a stepparent adoption or, if that doesn't work, to change your son's name. That could easily be seen as trying to erase Dad from your son's life.

    No matter what he is or isn't doing, the very last thing you want to do is to give Dad ammunition that he can use against you.

    So wait. Let Dad be absent. Go about your lives. Let Dad make his own case for abandoning his child. There's no rush, right?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    11

    Default Re: My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do Th

    We are not planning on doing any of this right at the moment, we are planning on getting the adoption process stared in about a year. How is it abandonment when there is an order of protection, legally he can't see us so it wouldn't be abandonment when it is court ordered for him not to see us correct?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: My Ex Doesn't Show Up for Court, My Husband Wants to Adopt My Son How Do We Do Th

    Yes, it can - in some jurisdictions - be considered as willful abandonment in as much as his willful actions led up to the situation being what it is.

    Again, speak to an attorney.

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