Can the Non-Custodial Parents Leave the Kids With a Friend During His Weekend

[momof2cherubs]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

I am the CP of 10 year old and 12 year. They go to their dad's every other weekend and one night during the week. Just recently found out that he is going to CA on his weekend that he has our kids to see a friend, and told me if I don't take them, he will just hire a professional sitter to come and watch them while he is away. I guess I just want to know legally what can I do if he does this? I know when it is his weekends, if he wants to hire a sitter and go out he can and he does not have to tell me, but this is different. He made these plans first without even asking me if we could change weekends, they only way I found out was our daughter has an event that weekend and I wanted to make sure he had all the details, he than tells me " oh yeah I am going to be in CA that weekend, so I can't them" when I told him that I had already made plans and that I think this is totally BS and unfair, he said fine, I will hire a sitter and you have no say in it.

He claims he is not going now, but he is posting all over facebook that he will be in CA during that time. My question is this, if I found out he is not in the state during his time and he hires someone, do I have any legal recourse to take my kids back that weekend? And the only reason I said I would not take them is because this is the 3rd time he has make trips out of the state on his weekends, and I end up with the kids on his weekends. He did this cause he knew I would not allow my kids to stay with a stranger for 3 days while he was two time zones away, and he feels he does not have to tell me anything of what he is doing or where he is going cause we are not married anymore, but at some point I need to put my footdown and say sorry, its your weekend. This is not about him and I anymore, this is about the kids and because of them we have to communicate, but he refuses too.

Again I know he can do what he wants on his weekends without telling me, but can he leave the state without the kids and have a total stranger be with them, and not inform me?

Thanks for your help

[ksmom]

But he did inform you. You said you had plans that weekend as well... So, yes, if you aren't going to take them, then he has every right to find alternative child care for them when he is not there.... Otherwise, why don't you keep them?

Depending on what your order actually says, visitation is a right, not an obligation. He doesn't have an obligation to take the kids on his weekends.

Honestly, I'm not understanding the complaining about having your kids on his weekends. That's kinda sad. I have my kids Every weekend. That's called being a full-time parent...

[Dogmatique]

Yes, Dad is allowed to leave the kids with a sitter. No, he doesn't have to tell you.

[Neal1421]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

I am the CP of 10 year old and 12 year. They go to their dad's every other weekend and one night during the week. Just recently found out that he is going to CA on his weekend that he has our kids to see a friend, and told me if I don't take them, he will just hire a professional sitter to come and watch them while he is away. I guess I just want to know legally what can I do if he does this? I know when it is his weekends, if he wants to hire a sitter and go out he can and he does not have to tell me, but this is different. He made these plans first without even asking me if we could change weekends, they only way I found out was our daughter has an event that weekend and I wanted to make sure he had all the details, he than tells me " oh yeah I am going to be in CA that weekend, so I can't them" when I told him that I had already made plans and that I think this is totally BS and unfair, he said fine, I will hire a sitter and you have no say in it.

He claims he is not going now, but he is posting all over facebook that he will be in CA during that time. My question is this, if I found out he is not in the state during his time and he hires someone, do I have any legal recourse to take my kids back that weekend? And the only reason I said I would not take them is because this is the 3rd time he has make trips out of the state on his weekends, and I end up with the kids on his weekends. He did this cause he knew I would not allow my kids to stay with a stranger for 3 days while he was two time zones away, and he feels he does not have to tell me anything of what he is doing or where he is going cause we are not married anymore, but at some point I need to put my footdown and say sorry, its your weekend. This is not about him and I anymore, this is about the kids and because of them we have to communicate, but he refuses too.

Again I know he can do what he wants on his weekends without telling me, but can he leave the state without the kids and have a total stranger be with them, and not inform me?

Thanks for your help

Here's what I don't get. He's offered to let you keep them during the time that he is out of town and since you think it is unfair that you have to keep them, he's hiring a sitter. If you have a problem with them being with a sitter, cancel your plans and keep the kids with you that weekend. That's a part of being a custodial parent.

But in the next paragraph you ask if you have any legal recourse to take your kids back that weekend. What is it you want, for him to stay at home with the kids? You can't control what he does and he doesn't have to tell you what he is doing. Put your foot down all you want, but visitation is a right, not an obligation as someone else already stated.

[Disagreeable]

Please post where in your agreement it says dad must take kids every time he is allocated time. Part of being a custodial parent is you take care of your children when others are not. That is why you get the big bucks and he pays them.

[momof2cherubs]

Here's what I don't get. He's offered to let you keep them during the time that he is out of town and since you think it is unfair that you have to keep them, he's hiring a sitter. If you have a problem with them being with a sitter, cancel your plans and keep the kids with you that weekend. That's a part of being a custodial parent.

But in the next paragraph you ask if you have any legal recourse to take your kids back that weekend. What is it you want, for him to stay at home with the kids? You can't control what he does and he doesn't have to tell you what he is doing. Put your foot down all you want, but visitation is a right, not an obligation as someone else already stated.

Here is the thing, If I don't hold him responsible for his agreement in the court order, than he will just do as he pleases, and since you can't get in trouble by the courts for NOT taking your kids on your weekend, but I WILL get in trouble for not sending them at all to their dads, than I need to not keep giving in every time he feels like not taking the kids. So please understand this has nothing to do with me not wanting to change my plans ( by the way those plans are working, as I work extra hours on the weekends I do not have my kids) but more of just realizing when you have kids, you can't always just do what you want, if it were up to me, I would keep my kids all the the time, but he fought me tooth and nail in medation that he wanted 50/50, here we are a year later and he only see's his kids every other weekend and that's it, so he could have planned that trip any other time except on a weekend that he has his kids. We have to talk to each other about the kids school, medical, after school activities, I would think if he was leaving the state an hired a sitter from a sitter company, that I would at least be able to be in the process of knowing who will be with my children ALONE for a extended period of time while there dad is not there, but I guess from what I am hearing I don't. Thanks for the comments

[aardvarc]

I would think if he was leaving the state an hired a sitter from a sitter company, that I would at least be able to be in the process of knowing who will be with my children ALONE for a extended period of time while there dad is not there, but I guess from what I am hearing I don't.

No, you really don't. Just as you don't have to justify babysitting needs or who fills them to dad, regardless of timeframes. BOTH of you are assumed to be competent parents to choose competent care givers in your absence, and if dad deems the babysitter competent to care for HIS children, while on his time, you'll have to be ok with dad's decision. If you can convince a court that dad or his judgment presents a danger to the children, you can ask for supervised visitation, but otherwise dad is considered capable of making those decisions regarding the children while they're with him or on his time.

[Dogmatique]

And Mom, the bottom line is that basically yes - the NCP DOES get to do what they want, much of the time, when they have kids. They can choose not to pick the kids up at all, they can leave them with a sitter, they can take 'em out to a ball game.

It's honestly out of your hands.