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  1. #1

    Default Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    My question involves child support in the State of: Wisconsin

    So maybe I want some advice here and maybe I just want vindication that how I'm thinking is not crazy you be the judge!

    I have to start from the beginning because there are some extenuating circumstances.

    My wife and I divorced 5 years ago when she cheated on me (no-fault state so guess that don't matter). We were young and had 2 (now 7 and 11) kids together. At the time I had an associates degree (earned before the marriage) and was making 42k/year. She had a baby with the her boyfriend during the divorce.

    I had full custody upon divorce but later gave back 50/50 custody for my own reasons. I payed 350/month in child support. I also bought all the kids cloths, payed for daycare, payed all school fees, doctors feees (not many) and any shared expense. On some occasions I would outright give her money to do things with the kids or so she could pay bills. I bought bunk beds for the kids for her house. Much of this was because I did understand that we had agreed to a smaller amount but I would pay shared expenses, but many things I did were above and beyond that as well. Since the divorce I went back to school, got a bachelors and am now making 70k/year, this was all during the time frame where I had full custody (and did not ask child support of her).

    She had a job for 1 year out of the last 5.5 years. During the divorce I took her to court to require her to be searching for a job and I think it is still in place.

    Her boyfriend was an abusive piece of crap and by her own admission. She has left, gone back left gone back several times. He once attacked her with an ax holding it to her throat. He has threatened me, her, and her children she has with me saying he would kill them if she ever tried to leave, and all kinds of fun things like that. I don't pretend to know how someone could put up with that so long, she says it was fear, and I am not knocking what I can't understand I know it isn't her fault it was happening, even though I can't understand how she would stay, but it certainly wasn't my fault.

    Anyways 3 months ago she finally moved out of abusive x-boyfriends. She stayed with me for these 3 months for the most part (I continued paying child support, plus her kid with him was here half the time, I payed for her to go see a friend in california, payed some filing fees for court stuff for her, payed for stuff we did together with the kids and everything really for 3 months).

    My reward is being taken back to court for 850/month under 50/50 CUSTODY. The wisconsin calculation for 2 kids comes down to .1875 X the difference between wages. Since they can only consider her minimum wage, well thats a lot of money.

    When she was with me she exhibited similar signs to when we were married. She doesn't get up well in the morning, she is often still sleeping when I come home at lunch, she is awake when I get home, takes a nap sometime before the kids go to bed then finally wakes up for the night later on, that is her usual schedule. She still smokes and has money to go to starbucks and burn on other just plain stupid stuff.

    She is very unmotivated and self conscious and has problems functioning in society as a whole. I really am not trying to knock her I feel bad for her and wish life could have turned out different for her, but at the same time it wasn't my choices that got her where she is.

    She got quite a lot of money from the divorce (30k+ cold hard cash), all gone nothing to show (most of went to abusive x-boyfriend), she has nothing to show for the child support in the past, nothing to show for the extra money, and she can't even get the bunk beds I bought the kids back from her old place.

    It feels like its shoveling money into a black whole, whereas I am responsible with money and either don't spend it or it goes towards a better future (housing, trips college etc) for the kids, and she even knows I'm pretty unselfish with my money.

    I figured I had to give the whole story (or a very shortened version of it at least). I read in a lot of other forums people are like "well ya you have to pay you have to support your kids". I am supporting my kids. I have supported them faithfully since I was 18 years old and will until they can support themselves. But at what point does she have to be financially responsible? I mean that is a joke, I'm a single guy with 2 kids who has to pay his cheating x-wife to go sleep all day because she doesn't know how to function in the world. 850 dollars is A LOT of freakin money, and there is no chance of 2 incomes in the future for me, its all on me to support me, the kids and her basically.

    1) would courts just not give a crap anyway and tell me to pay?

    2) am I selfish for thinking that 850 is a little much? I went back and bettered myself. Honestly I can see making it the difference between wages when we divorced (42k vs minimum wage) but she had every opportunity that I did to re-invest in herself and make a better living for herself. Instead, she got herself in deeper, had another kid with some psyco (she doesn't even talk to people about a lot of the stuff that was happening I'm pretty sure he had raped her before too or something), and did NOTHING to financially support her own kids but has the nerve to tell me I need to be supporting mine. I don't mind paying ALL shared expenses (they are my kids I have no problem paying for them) or even the 350 dollars a month. But 850 seems absurd, and it will have a dramatic effect on how I live my life. Keep in mind it takes well over a 1000 dollars grossed per month to come up with that 850 dollars of tax free money for her.

    3)To those who might answer on the far other side of the spectrum, I don't want to "take" custody from her. Not because I wouldn't like having the kids (or all that money for that matter!) but because maybe I am just as sick in the head for feeling bad or caring about her or w/e but she is not a bad person I really believe, she just doesn't have the normal adult stuff down. She cares about her kids and is good for them (when she is actually awake and active and not lost in her own head about her life which isn't often these days), and they are definitely good for her. I know that isn't right that the kids isn't supposed to "support" the parent, but it is what it is, and that is kind of how it works.

    I know this is pretty one sided since it only comes from me, but let me just say that even my X would say I am the most normal and responsible person she knows. I don't get angry with her, I'm not mean, and I treat her with respect. I'm not a bad person, and didn't do anything wrong persay in our marriage and she would be the first to tell you that.

    Sorry for the extremely long story, but to get a real answer, if anyone managed to read all that:P you really need the details because it is a pretty unique situation I think.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    1. Pretty much.

    2. For two kids? It might be. It might not be. But if that's what the WI calculators are spitting out, that's likely going to be ordered.

    3. I'm not actually sure you have a legal question there


    Your situation isn't unique, Dad. It's actually very common. (Unfortunately)

  3. #3

    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    My main question was would the court comissioner bother to see my point and reduce it:P

    I think that is pretty crappy. I could have kept custody, or gotten full custody again multiple times in all likelihood. But I didn't want to do that to her is what it comes down too, I didn't want to make her feel like a crapy person. So the system wants me to take custody in order to have any sort of justice with the support situation? Boooooo.

    Anyways the more theoretic thing I'm just wondering if even under that situation there are still some haters who think that that would is a fair situation? I'm just curiousy because she thinks even given everything (though she gets my point) that all that money is completely justified. Its obvious why we don't see eye to eye but I'm curious if others still think heck yeah its for the good of the kids kind of thing?

    As a side note, I feel strongly that if I had done a fraction of what she had, I would quickly be labeled a dead beat dad, would not have my kids, and there would be no one feeling sorry for me like there is for her. I even get that feeling from the court comish in court that she tends to lean towards the women no matter the odds.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    She's a fit parent. You'd have no reason to switch custody at this point; there would need to be a change of circumstance. The arrangements in the past are irrelevant.

    And dude - I'm not a hater, but frankly on a salary of $70k, $800/month for two kids is not an unreasonable amount of child support.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    I would have no intention of taking them for that reason either.

    To me the point isn't how much I make. I can see it being the difference at the point of divorce, but now I make what I make because I spent several thousand hours on schooling, thousands of dollars, and over 10,000 hours working advancing my job. That is WHAT I PAYED to get 70k a year from 42k a year. She did nothing with her time and money to better herself.

    I get she's my kids mother, other than that how is it different than if you were making 30k a year and saying because they have more money than the homeless guy on the street or some orphan, you should give them 15% of your take home to make it more fair? At this point it is only me supporting her inability to function and support herself. I'm not not supporting my kids, I don't like that I have to do so much to support 2 houses for them.

    I hold no ill will towards her. I don't care if she was a millionare and had tons more money than me I wouldn't want a dime, good for her. I just want the right to be able to better myself without having a bunch of it leached. For every dollar I make more at this point, between taxes child support etc, I see less than 1/2 of it. I know 70k seems like a lot but with 2 kids, paying all their shared expenses as it is and 350 dollars already, I don't have a house or boats or any fancy toys, I get by but am not able to save much money. I'm sure that sounds whiny to some but I've been on the end of the spectrum (making 35k with wife and kids) where I actually was payed taxes, and trust me when I say that money doesn't scale the way you would think as you make more:P And I think most people want to feel that working harder actually earns them more.

    I do appreciate the opinion by the way. I am curious how other people see it. Her parents love me (especially compared to the other dude:P) but I feel like they think im the big bad monster who makes sooooo much money sometimes too. Even my family comes off that way sometimes because I'm the only one in my family who makes decent money. Its not like I'm rich though. Now if I found myself a sugar momma making as much money as me, then I'd be rich:P

    In my oppinion the scum bag who did this to her (or certainly did a great deal of it) should pay but I guess justice is blind:P

    I guess I might feel the same way on the other side of the situation, and it looks like others see the money I make as a clear justifier as well. Its just too bad she couldn't get on her feet for herself and the kids. I've done a lot to help her, and regardless of the money thing, I'd take her in for those months again if it got her and the kids away from the situation, which it did.

    I was wondering if there was any precedence for them EVER reducing from guidelines, as the law is written just so, they are only guidelines. From the sounds of it that is not the case though. Pretty odd, it might as well state that it can only be increased not decreased then:P

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    Child support can be decreased if you, for example, were laid off.

    Or became disabled. Or became the CP.

    You haven't really shown a reason why it should be decreased though (or rather, why you shouldn't pay per guidelines).

  7. #7

    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    Aye. But if I were laid off then by guidelines I simply wouldn't pay on account of the wage. It is still not an exception from the guidelines. I would be interested to see if anyone has ever heard of a case where they just plain did not go by the guidelines given wages.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Child Support Under 50/50 Placement and Joint Legal Custody

    Quote Quoting WanderingMage
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    Aye. But if I were laid off then by guidelines I simply wouldn't pay on account of the wage. It is still not an exception from the guidelines. I would be interested to see if anyone has ever heard of a case where they just plain did not go by the guidelines given wages.

    No.

    You would still pay - you'd simply be either imputed minimum wage or (assuming you were laid off versus being fired for cause), an abatement might be possible. But the obligation wouldn't disappear.

    You can be unemployed and actually STILL have the exact same obligation.....

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