My question involves child support in the State of: Wisconsin
So maybe I want some advice here and maybe I just want vindication that how I'm thinking is not crazy you be the judge!
I have to start from the beginning because there are some extenuating circumstances.
My wife and I divorced 5 years ago when she cheated on me (no-fault state so guess that don't matter). We were young and had 2 (now 7 and 11) kids together. At the time I had an associates degree (earned before the marriage) and was making 42k/year. She had a baby with the her boyfriend during the divorce.
I had full custody upon divorce but later gave back 50/50 custody for my own reasons. I payed 350/month in child support. I also bought all the kids cloths, payed for daycare, payed all school fees, doctors feees (not many) and any shared expense. On some occasions I would outright give her money to do things with the kids or so she could pay bills. I bought bunk beds for the kids for her house. Much of this was because I did understand that we had agreed to a smaller amount but I would pay shared expenses, but many things I did were above and beyond that as well. Since the divorce I went back to school, got a bachelors and am now making 70k/year, this was all during the time frame where I had full custody (and did not ask child support of her).
She had a job for 1 year out of the last 5.5 years. During the divorce I took her to court to require her to be searching for a job and I think it is still in place.
Her boyfriend was an abusive piece of crap and by her own admission. She has left, gone back left gone back several times. He once attacked her with an ax holding it to her throat. He has threatened me, her, and her children she has with me saying he would kill them if she ever tried to leave, and all kinds of fun things like that. I don't pretend to know how someone could put up with that so long, she says it was fear, and I am not knocking what I can't understand I know it isn't her fault it was happening, even though I can't understand how she would stay, but it certainly wasn't my fault.
Anyways 3 months ago she finally moved out of abusive x-boyfriends. She stayed with me for these 3 months for the most part (I continued paying child support, plus her kid with him was here half the time, I payed for her to go see a friend in california, payed some filing fees for court stuff for her, payed for stuff we did together with the kids and everything really for 3 months).
My reward is being taken back to court for 850/month under 50/50 CUSTODY. The wisconsin calculation for 2 kids comes down to .1875 X the difference between wages. Since they can only consider her minimum wage, well thats a lot of money.
When she was with me she exhibited similar signs to when we were married. She doesn't get up well in the morning, she is often still sleeping when I come home at lunch, she is awake when I get home, takes a nap sometime before the kids go to bed then finally wakes up for the night later on, that is her usual schedule. She still smokes and has money to go to starbucks and burn on other just plain stupid stuff.
She is very unmotivated and self conscious and has problems functioning in society as a whole. I really am not trying to knock her I feel bad for her and wish life could have turned out different for her, but at the same time it wasn't my choices that got her where she is.
She got quite a lot of money from the divorce (30k+ cold hard cash), all gone nothing to show (most of went to abusive x-boyfriend), she has nothing to show for the child support in the past, nothing to show for the extra money, and she can't even get the bunk beds I bought the kids back from her old place.
It feels like its shoveling money into a black whole, whereas I am responsible with money and either don't spend it or it goes towards a better future (housing, trips college etc) for the kids, and she even knows I'm pretty unselfish with my money.
I figured I had to give the whole story (or a very shortened version of it at least). I read in a lot of other forums people are like "well ya you have to pay you have to support your kids". I am supporting my kids. I have supported them faithfully since I was 18 years old and will until they can support themselves. But at what point does she have to be financially responsible? I mean that is a joke, I'm a single guy with 2 kids who has to pay his cheating x-wife to go sleep all day because she doesn't know how to function in the world. 850 dollars is A LOT of freakin money, and there is no chance of 2 incomes in the future for me, its all on me to support me, the kids and her basically.
1) would courts just not give a crap anyway and tell me to pay?
2) am I selfish for thinking that 850 is a little much? I went back and bettered myself. Honestly I can see making it the difference between wages when we divorced (42k vs minimum wage) but she had every opportunity that I did to re-invest in herself and make a better living for herself. Instead, she got herself in deeper, had another kid with some psyco (she doesn't even talk to people about a lot of the stuff that was happening I'm pretty sure he had raped her before too or something), and did NOTHING to financially support her own kids but has the nerve to tell me I need to be supporting mine. I don't mind paying ALL shared expenses (they are my kids I have no problem paying for them) or even the 350 dollars a month. But 850 seems absurd, and it will have a dramatic effect on how I live my life. Keep in mind it takes well over a 1000 dollars grossed per month to come up with that 850 dollars of tax free money for her.
3)To those who might answer on the far other side of the spectrum, I don't want to "take" custody from her. Not because I wouldn't like having the kids (or all that money for that matter!) but because maybe I am just as sick in the head for feeling bad or caring about her or w/e but she is not a bad person I really believe, she just doesn't have the normal adult stuff down. She cares about her kids and is good for them (when she is actually awake and active and not lost in her own head about her life which isn't often these days), and they are definitely good for her. I know that isn't right that the kids isn't supposed to "support" the parent, but it is what it is, and that is kind of how it works.
I know this is pretty one sided since it only comes from me, but let me just say that even my X would say I am the most normal and responsible person she knows. I don't get angry with her, I'm not mean, and I treat her with respect. I'm not a bad person, and didn't do anything wrong persay in our marriage and she would be the first to tell you that.
Sorry for the extremely long story, but to get a real answer, if anyone managed to read all that:P you really need the details because it is a pretty unique situation I think.

