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  1. #1
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    Sep 2011
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    Default Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: florida
    I have a 2.5 year old who does not know his bio dad at all. My ex does pay child support. Court ordered. He joined the army when my son was 9 months old. He has had very limited contact with him because he has not showen any intrest. He has now patitioned for visitation rights. He is on avtive duty and currently deployed, he is expected to return state sind in he next 2 months, however he will be stationed in another state. We, my son, myself, and his step father live in florida, and his boi dad is army and there are no army posts here in florida. How would we work visitation? He does not know my son at all. And he only recives 30 days of leave a year. How would we go about building a relationship with him?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    Visitation should take place in your community, and be supervised at first. It should at first be short visits where kiddo and Dad can be reintroduced to each other, leading up to longer periods and eventually overnights and weekends in Dad's state and once your son is older, entire weeks/months in the summer.

    Start googling "long distance parenting plans", too - there are some great parenting plan examples at deltabravo.net.

    Also consider skype/webcam visitation when kiddo is a bit older. Keep photos of Dad handy, and don't be afraid of talking about him. Encourage your son.

  3. #3
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    Sep 2011
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    I did google long listance parenting plans. However he will only get leave 2 weeks every 6 months. Like I said up to this point he has only seen my son a hand ful of times since he was 6 weeks old. I have tried to get him involved, but he just doesn't participate or ask any questions. I was served beginning of may and I have not heard from him since then. Most long distance parenting plans are for kids that already have a relationship with the other parent. And the parenting plans that they have for estranged parents have the other parent visiting frequently. It is not an option for him to visit/ take leave that often. I was in the army like he is and I know how the leave works ect. So I'm just not sure what to do. Anyone that is in the military might have more info! Please I'm stuck!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    Well, why don't you simply let the court decide what's in your son's best interests?

    Dad has filed - correct? Have you actually talked to Dad and expressed your concerns?

  5. #5
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    Sep 2011
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    We are supposed to go to mediation no later than october 24th. We are supposed to come to a joint decision about visitation. But I'm just trying to get ideas for possiablities. The only thing I know is that he wants visitation. That's it. In reality he only will be in town 2 weeks every 6 months. That is hardly any time for him to get to know his son. I have encouraged him to ask questions and get involved but he doesn't care to. I emailed him and asked him what he actually wanted, and he told me that he has been advised by his attorney to not talk to me. So that is a dead end road. And as far as possably having overnight visits, or weekends ect that is not ever a possability, as he is a soldier living in the barracks on base children are not allowed. So I have no idea what to come up with as far as a parenting plan. Any ideas as to what to expect?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    Dad could easily get a room for a couple of nights once kiddo is older and exercise overnights that way.

    The court is going to order some sort of visitation and it's quite likely that Dad's military schedule will change over time, too. I can't see the court ordering overnights from the get go, simply because kiddo doesn't really know Dad. However, even when Dad's active duty he can do webcam visits - you might want to include a couple of nights per week you'll make kiddo available between the hours of X and Y.

    Perhaps another question would be, what does your ex actually do with the military? There is a reason I'm asking.

    Also, where will he be stationed?

  7. #7
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    Sep 2011
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    I understand that in the future he could possible get overnights, however I'm not sure that having him in a hotel room is the best. He deployed from fort riley kansas last octobet to iraq. I belive he will be returning to there when he returns, in presemubly october. As far as I know he is a 11b which is an infenrtyman.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    The court would absolutely allow visitation to take place in a hotel or motel. Or, at a friend's house. Or anywhere really that Dad has shelter.

    I'm not understanding why Dad wouldn't be able to take kiddo on base. Even Fort Riley has a family center to facilitate these matters (though granted this wouldn't be an issue right now - once kiddo is old enough to fly UM though, it becomes feasible).

    (I have a daughter who is a single parent in the military).

  9. #9
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    Sep 2011
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    I understand that overnight visitation could occur someday. My question is how would I creat a parenting plan with this situation. With him only having 30days of leave, and not knowing my son, and being so far away, how would a parenting plan work out? The only think I can come up with is when he is in town he can see him 2 times a week for 1 hour each visit. After he has seen him for a total of maybe 6 visits we can increase the time to maybe 1.5 hours for the same amount of days. Ect just keep increasing it time aslong both are comnfortable. But how do I do this if he will only see him every 6 months? Appx 4 times every 6 months. You can not build a relationship with that kind of contact or lack there of. I just don't see how its supposed to happen. Since he has been in the army. 2 years, he has only actually contacted me 2 times for visitation. Both times he was a no show, and I have proof of him being in town on leave and he never contacted me at all to see my child. He did run into us at the mall days before he was to deploy. I didn't even know he was in town. And advise?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Noncustodial Parent in Military Wants Visitation with Toddler

    I don't think 2 hours every six months is reasonable.

    2 hours a day four times a week for the two weeks he's there is far more reasonable in the short term. Then, next year perhaps, he spends a half day a couple of times a week. Plus cam/skype in between. The reality is that your son may simply have to adjust to seeing his father very sporadically, on a long term basis.

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