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  1. #1

    Default Custody Dispute, Never Married

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: IA.
    So, I am currently in the works of starting paperwork to gain full custody of my 18 month old daughter.

    This is going to be a REALLY long post because I want you all to get a good feel of the situation.

    I was 16 when I got pregnant, and he was 19, at the time of birth we were some what happily together. I chose to give her his last name and his name is on the birth certificate.

    We had an agreement that my daughter and I would stay at his house Friday through Sunday and stay at my parents house during the week. On 2 of the 3 weekends we were supposed to stay at his house he ditched us to party all day and night. After those weekends I was graduated and decided to move into the house thinking things would get better. He would often skip out on coming home on days or nights I would need him to watch her, and when he did return he would be wasted and incapable of watching her. I allowed him to file her on taxes because he would get a lot more money back than I would, even though he paid for nothing to support her.

    He then decided to move to North Carolina to go to school. As he was away things between us got better and he seemed like he was going to be a more involved parent and partner, so we followed him out there after a few months of being apart. When we got down there he began being very distant and a worthless partner. He would come home and sleep until I would put her down for the night; when I would ask him to watch her for a few hours while I worked on school work he would refuse or complain and bug me the whole time. On one occasion he fell asleep while watching her(she was 10 months old) and she fell down multiple stairs but luckily wasnt harmed more than a few scrapes and a bruise.

    During this time he was jobless and living off of my student aid, work money, and tax money. I actually wouldnt call it living off of it but blowing through it. He spent (20,000 dollars in the 6 months that we lived down there). Sadly I made the stupid move of allowing him to claim her on taxes again so that we would get more money on taxes, again as I had been the sole provider for both him and our daughter. He would constantly steal my debit card or cash and then say that it was our money. I sacrificed so much towards the end I barely got to eat so that we would have enough food for our daughter. The situation got so bad that I finally left him after 8 months(well longer than it should have occurred) and returned home to my parents house with absolutely no money.

    When my daughter and I were about to move he made it so that I missed 4 days of work because he wouldn't come home with the car because he was busy volunteering for a race shop(o yes I forgot to mention that I had to sell my car to give us money for bills). He also took out the cash I had put in for the water bill and spent it on boose and cigarettes. The day before our flight he said some more terrible things about my parents so I told him off about his own parenting and his terrible parents. He proceeded by throwing a shoe at my daughters head and smashing our glass tv stand. Needless to say I quickly rounded myself and my daughters things up and vacated the home to the airport and we slept there over night.

    Currently I am working a minimum wage job about 20 hours a week and taking a full class load for college. He still has no job and is expecting his family to pay for everything he wants. He threatens me about a lot of things like my name is on the lease for living in the apartment so he is going to bust the place up so I have to pay to fix it, because I refuse to send him money, and he wants me to pay for one of his classes and threatens that if I don't he is going to get a job, file for custody after he saves up 3 months worth of money and then take our daughter away because he would have his own house while I live with my parents(which is all that is currently possible for me right now).

    I have more than enough evidence of how much of a violent and irradical person he is, and he has never held a job for more than 5 months, while I have held one for over 2 years. I am getting nervous as to who would win the custody battle. Im not one of those mothers who just doesnt want their kid to love their father, I am scared for the life and well being of my child and would love to find a way to revoke his parental rights. He has never laid a hand on us so I dont think I could revoke them.

    Is getting him for having sex with me as a minor enough to revoke his rights?
    What are my chances of winning custody if he did get a job and save up for a few months?
    How would visitation work when he lives almost a whole days drive away?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Newbe to Custody Cases Several

    1. Not now, no.

    2. Custody will be decided on what's best for the child. If you've been the child's primary caregiver chances are you'll remain so. He may get joint legal custody, with a long-distance parenting plan.

    3. Google "long distance visitation".

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