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  1. #1

    Default Custody Blackmail

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Minnesota
    The Father has not been involved in the childs life since he was 2 and he is now 7. He has admitted he is and would be a poor father and does want to have any part in their life which I am fine with and agree with. He is a terrible person with many bad addictions and I do not want him near my children. However since he knows this he is blackmailing me by making me pay him to stay out of their lives. He has child support deducted but basically uses the money he makes me pay him to cover it. Anytime I don't pay or refuse to pay he threatens me by saying he will take me to court to get custody to make my life and the kids life hell. I don't know what to do. I can't keep paying, but I do not want to risk giving up custody. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    9,096

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    Yeah. Stop paying.

    Let your child start to develop a relationship with his father.

    You picked his dad for a reason...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    What makes you think he could get custody? He has visitation rights that you're telling us he does not even exercise. You should be able to easily document the financial transactions to the court, and may well have documentation of his threats (letters, emails, etc.). You say he's addicted to something, perhaps more than one thing; if we're talking drugs, there are drug tests.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    cyjeff, that is exactly what I DON'T want. The Father does not want to be in the child's life and shouldn't be.

    aaron, well it seems that in every state, especially mine the courts do whatever they can to give both parents rights to the kids. The father does not want rights but he will go to court to get rights as part of spite and if I do not pay him. Yes, I have a letter that I signed out of fear saying I am paying his child support and he will stay out of the kids life. Drugs could be part of the addiction but not 100% sure, and it seems like anybody can buy something and pass a drug screening these days so don't want to depend on it. And right now he has no visitational rights, I have 100% custody. That is what he is threatning is to take that away if I don't pay.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    North Miami Beach
    Posts
    71

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    Why would you sign a letter "out of fear" that you're giving him the CS back? What's his actual leverage on you? Something isn't making sense.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    Quote Quoting coffeedrinker
    View Post
    cyjeff, that is exactly what I DON'T want. The Father does not want to be in the child's life and shouldn't be.

    aaron, well it seems that in every state, especially mine the courts do whatever they can to give both parents rights to the kids. The father does not want rights but he will go to court to get rights as part of spite and if I do not pay him. Yes, I have a letter that I signed out of fear saying I am paying his child support and he will stay out of the kids life. Drugs could be part of the addiction but not 100% sure, and it seems like anybody can buy something and pass a drug screening these days so don't want to depend on it. And right now he has no visitational rights, I have 100% custody. That is what he is threatning is to take that away if I don't pay.


    Dad isn't getting custody. Take a deep breath.

    Stop paying him.

    SERIOUSLY. Stop paying him! Your CHILD is entitled to be supported by both parents. If he wants to file for visitation, let him file - chances are he won't bother anyway.

    And if he does? You can deal with that if it happens. But seriously he's not going to get custody unless he can somehow prove that you're unfit.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    ollie, the last thing I want for my child is the father to get custody, he is a terrible person and has been blackmailing me. He says if I don't pay him he will fight to get custody back even though he doesn't want custody, just to make life hell for us. I don't care about the CS I just don't want him near the child.

    dogmatique, I sure hope you are right. I know he will file for custody, but I am just hoping he can't win. It just seems the courts do whatever they can to let both parents be apart. I am just hoping the court will see he is unfit, hasn't been in there life, and is blackmailing me.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Custody Blackmail

    In order for Dad to get custody at this point he'll need to either prove you unfit, or prove that a major change in circumstance of the child's life - like you moving in with a child molester, moving out of state, grades falling dramatically, etc.,

    STOP PAYING.

    He's bullying you. He can only do that if you allow it - you've got to empower yourself here. You're the one in control - don't allow him that kind of power over you

    If he files for visitation, you can request supervised visitation (being that he hasn't seen the child in 5 years) - you will probably get that if requested. If Dad does things right though you must accept that he'll end up with regular visitation if that's what he wants. However I can't honestly see him going through with it.

    Sure, he might file something just to scare you again - and really you know him, we don't - but do you think he's going to turn up to all of the court dates and go through with it all?

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