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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    1

    Exclamation What Can I Do to Ensure My Sons Safety While in the Care of His Father

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

    Here's my situation. My sons father and I broke up early 2007 because he had a mental break. This occurred in the presence of his 12 year old daughter and myself. He trashed the apartment and tried to commit suicide taking an overdose of pills. Shortly after which he tried to make amends with me. When that failed, he tried to drive his car into the back end of a parked car with me and him in it. (Unreported)

    I found out I was pregnant in late 2007 and after long thought, I decided to tell him I was pregnant and allow him to be part of it. When my son was about 6 months old, I had to have him removed from my property by the police. He was unhappy that I did not want a relationship with him and became aggressive and agitated.

    For the next 3 years, he attempted to use my son to make me miserable. He would arrange for scheduled visits but only do it for the first week. He would never help financially. After about a year of that it went to calling me on Monday to take him that Friday than calling back to change to Saturday and by Friday cancelling all together.

    The last time I left him alone with his father I was unpacking his bag while my son was in the kitchen with him. When my son opened the dishwasher and fell on his head. Then after i told dad he needed to be more focused,my son came walking out of the kitchen with toe nail clippers in his mouth. The kitchen is about 10' x 10' he was about 2 feet from him at all times.

    From that point on, I only allowed my son to go with his grandmother with specific instructions to not leave him alone with his incoherent father. They all live together at his mom's.

    Now, I went to court today with DOR for support and was told by the judge I could not even request a psych eval or supervised visitation. Not to mention that our so called mediator was talking me down and praising up dad. Which, I know is just unprofessional as she is not a lawyer and should not be picking sides.

    Prior to DOR involvement, I filed for a paternity test, court ordered supervised visitation and requested a psych eval. I saw the forms in my file but was told that even though I had them served to dad that was not a motion and meant nothing at all. I told the judge "I would be contacting a lawyer and would not allow my son to be cared for by an unsafe person. That is my right as a mother to protect my son from any and all dangers." I also asked for a home inspection prior to any consideration of unsupervised visitation because I know his house is NOT toddler proofed. Of course that is not required was the response from the mediator.

    I should also say that we were never married but he did sign some paper when my son was born agreeing that he believed he was the father. Which I should also include may not be the case as we had just broken up.

    I am scared to death that I will have to allow him to take my son when his focus in not where it should be. I am very concerned for the safety of my child. Please note that I only have 2 emergency baby sitters that I will leave my son with. Both of which are family. I do not ever put my son in harms way or leave him with anyone I do not trust 100%. So, it's not that I want my son to be without a father. I REALLY could use some down time as me and my son are together 24 - 7 (literally). I know first hand what it is like to grow up with a missing parent. That is just not worth risking my son's well being for. Any help you can give or info you could forward me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

  2. #2

    Default Re: What Can I Do to Ensure My Sons Safety While in the Care of His Father

    Here's the problem...you're going to have a hard time convincing a court NOW that he's a danger to the child, when you've already allowed him unsupervised visits with the child. Anything you want to bring up that occurred BEFORE that unsupervised time was allowed isn't going to carry any weight...because it tells the court that you were ok with him doing so.

    Quote Quoting KatInMa
    View Post
    MyHere's my situation. My sons father and I broke up early 2007 because he had a mental break. This occurred in the presence of his 12 year old daughter and myself. He trashed the apartment and tried to commit suicide taking an overdose of pills.
    And yet, you found him suitable to sleep with and have a child with. Why should the court disagree with your own judgement?

    Shortly after which he tried to make amends with me. When that failed, he tried to drive his car into the back end of a parked car with me and him in it. (Unreported)
    If you didn't report it, it's the equivalent of it never happening. Especially if you continued to sleep with him AFTER such an incident. All you'd really be arguing to the court is that NEITHER parent may have the skills or decision making prowess to keep the child safe.


    For the next 3 years, he attempted to use my son to make me miserable. He would arrange for scheduled visits but only do it for the first week.
    Unless he had a court order, you didn't have to GIVE him visitation. If you did so willingly, again, this will tell the court that you were ok with it.

    He would never help financially.
    Got a court order for child support? If not, he has no legal obligation to provide financial support.


    After about a year of that it went to calling me on Monday to take him that Friday than calling back to change to Saturday and by Friday cancelling all together.
    Does this contradict any court ordered visitation?


    Now, I went to court today with DOR for support and was told by the judge I could not even request a psych eval or supervised visitation. Not to mention that our so called mediator was talking me down and praising up dad. Which, I know is just unprofessional as she is not a lawyer and should not be picking sides.
    You've given the court nothing to suggest that your requests were called for. After all, your actions so far indicate that you're ok with dad being around the child. When you don't report incidents like above, you loose the ability to bring those situations into the equation later. That's why advocates tell people until they are blue in the face: "if you didn't report it, it never happened".

    Prior to DOR involvement, I filed for a paternity test, court ordered supervised visitation and requested a psych eval. I saw the forms in my file but was told that even though I had them served to dad that was not a motion and meant nothing at all.
    Right. Orders for those things must come from the judge, whom doesn't have a documented history of events that would indicate that such testing is necessary.

    I told the judge "I would be contacting a lawyer and would not allow my son to be cared for by an unsafe person. That is my right as a mother to protect my son from any and all dangers."
    Be REALLY careful here. Judges tend to NOT like people telling them what they will or won't do, especially if it's in conflict with the court's order. This could very easily backfire on you and result in dad getting MORE time, and if the issue were pushed over time, even custody.

    I also asked for a home inspection prior to any consideration of unsupervised visitation because I know his house is NOT toddler proofed. Of course that is not required was the response from the mediator.
    Home inspections are generally required for those persons caring for foster children, not their natural children. As it stands, as far as the court is concerned, he's already GOT your seal of approval as a parent. The burden will be on you to PROVE that he's not. It's unfortunate that you had a child with somone whom you suspected had some of these issues, and even more unfortunate that the attempted injury/suicide in the vehicle went unreported...but that is water under the bridge and unless there are future incidents, that you decide to report, the court can only go by your actions (or lack thereof). The simple fact is that the courts don't "certify" people to be parents at all...much less GOOD parents. The courts assume that YOU chose someone suitable to be a parent, until it can be proven otherwise.

    I should also say that we were never married but he did sign some paper when my son was born agreeing that he believed he was the father. Which I should also include may not be the case as we had just broken up.
    Ok, so he's established as the legal father because he either signed the birth certificate or an acknowledgement of paternity. If you question paternity, the time for testing is NOW. Once he's adjudicated by the court to BE the father, such as what's going to happen as part of the child support case, then really only the ACTUAL father has a chance to overturn it in the future. If you don't want to face parenting with this guy until your child is 18, the time to bring up that he might not be the father is IMMEDIATELY.

    I am scared to death that I will have to allow him to take my son when his focus in not where it should be. I am very concerned for the safety of my child. Please note that I only have 2 emergency baby sitters that I will leave my son with. Both of which are family. I do not ever put my son in harms way or leave him with anyone I do not trust 100%.
    But you trusted a guy who attempted to kill/injure you/himself in a purposeful car wreck!

    At this point, you're going to have to come up with something that the court will see as making dad a danger to the child. Otherwise, you can realistically expect dad to be given a standard visitation plan. Stuff that happened in 2007 and wasn't reported isn't going to do it.

  3. #3

    Default Re: What Can I Do to Ensure My Sons Safety While in the Care of His Father

    You've messed this up to the point where you need to hire a lawyer to get it straightened out.

    I don't see how you can handle this on your own. You'll need an attorney to put together a cogent case regarding his psychological condition of your son's father and how it affects visitation.

    It's unlikely that the staff people who assist in pro se matters will be able to put in the time necessary to handle this to your satisfaction.

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