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  1. #1
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    May 2011
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    5

    Default If One Partner Gets a Restraining Order, Who Has to Move Out

    My question involves a relationship in the state of:California
    In mar 2011 I allowed a woman I had known for about a year and had dated a few times in the month of feb to occasionally stay at my 1 bedroom house. She had recently lost her job and was staying a few houses away with a friend. She would stay a few days then be gone a few days. This was never a boyfriend girlfriend situation. After several incidents with her and aquantances of hers I spoke with her and explained that this was not working out and she would have to find an other place to go when she wasnt able to stay at her friends. She agreed, but things didnt change she then brought a few more belongings(clothes,towels,sheets) in. untill finally I had enough of her constant drama and visitors. I insisted that she leave. Thats when she declared Im a tenant and when i placed locks on the gates she called the police, and even though she had never paid a penny on rent or utilities,did not have a door key, recieved no mail there and was not on the rental agreement the police said said she is a tenant and could use any means nesessary to gain access. They said i would have to evict Her. It has been an absolute nightmare its as though the police gave a lunatic free reighn of my house and there is nothing I can do untill the eviction process is done(the property owner is a dear friend of mine and lives in an othe state and has just begun the eviction this week). I have called the police so many times they are sick of coming out as usually its a civil matter and they are there to keep the peace. I am deeply rooted in this house and am remodeling another house on the same property so it would be nearly impossible for me to move somewhere else. Not to mention sticking my landlord(friend) with the task of getting rid of this squatter. Now I have been made aware that she has recieved a temporary restraining order on me. I have read Her statements and know them to be complete lies. There is a hearing scheduled for 6/6/2011.She has not yet had me served and there is no kickout order granted just for me to stay away from her,her home and place of employment(this place is allso fictional). My question is who has to leave? And what can I do if the police say i have to go. There is a question on the request for order that asks if granted will it impede me in getting to and from my home or work. She answered no. When in fact it would prohibit Me from both. She hasnt had me served yet and im not sure why.Please help before this woman destroys my life Thank You

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    California
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    20,594

    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Quote Quoting mathill
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    Now I have been made aware that she has recieved a temporary restraining order on me. I have read Her statements and know them to be complete lies. There is a hearing scheduled for 6/6/2011.She has not yet had me served and there is no kickout order granted just for me to stay away from her,her home and place of employment(this place is allso fictional). My question is who has to leave? And what can I do if the police say i have to go.
    What do you mean that you have "been made aware" of the order?

    If the order states that you are to stay away from her and her residence, then YOU have to leave. How is that not clear?

    If the order allows "peaceful" contact, then you can remain so long as you do not argue with her.

    Until you are served or properly notified of the order by the court or law enforcement, you are under no legal obligation to get out. If she is still living with you and has not had you served, then there will be nothing to hear on the 6th. And if she has allowed you to remain without calling the cops, her claims of fear will fall rather flat with a court.

    About all I can suggest is that you do everything to stay away from her.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    5

    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Thank You for your quick response. A mutual friend of ours called and informed Me of the order. I then went to the court house and obtained a copy. When the clerk handed it to Me I asked if I was now served and she said no that I was not. How is it that if and when served I will have to leave my residence and not Her. I am legally(and morally) obligated to continue paying rent,it has been My established residence for over a year, I have an 18 year old daughter who stays with Me about half the time.My daughter is named in the lease but would not feel comfortable with out Me there. At this time it would be financially impossible for Me to leave. And currently My only source of employment is on the same property remodeling a two bedroom house on the same property,I currently have building permits pulled and a timeline in which to complete this work. On the order there is no address stated as to where her "Home" is. On the request for order under STAY-AWAY ORDER they ask the court to order Me to stay at least 100 yards away from Her,Her home,Her (non existant) job and workplace,her (non existant) vehicle. Then below asks if order to stay away from these places will He or She still be able to get to his home,school,job,or place of worship. And She answered Yes. I wonder what the judge would have done had she been truthful and answered No? What can If anything can I do to prevent Me from having to leave My home? I have never been aggressive to this person in any way and this is just a sick way of trying to prolong a free ride.

  4. #4
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    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Quote Quoting mathill
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    How is it that if and when served I will have to leave my residence and not Her.
    Because YOU will be the restrained party, she will be the protected party. That imposes an obligation on you ... at least until the court date.

    At this time it would be financially impossible for Me to leave.
    If served, you would have no legal option.

    Understand that violating a DV TRO (and this would be one) is a mandatory arrest in CA.

    You can certainly explain your needs in court, but the police won't care if you are served. Of course, a judge will also want to hear her explain why she is so afraid of you yet did not have you served ... that will play against her.

    What can If anything can I do to prevent Me from having to leave My home?
    If you had been served you would have the opportunity to submit a response. As it is, you risk the possibility that it will be extended due to a lack of service. Or, she may drop the matter rather than go to court.

    Is she still living with you? What has she said about the order?

  5. #5
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    May 2011
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    5

    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Yes She is still living in the home. After I posted last night things escaladed after refusing to give her a ride I caught Her in My truck She was going through the contents of my glove box. She had pulled items from behind the seat I do property maintanance and remodels so there were various new items on the seat tools,supplies. When I told Her to get out of my truck She went nuts I called 911,the neighbors hearing me yell repeatedly "get out of My truck" allso called 911 when i saw i had a witness I tried to stop her by pulling Her out of my truck by the arm. She was trying to break My windshield. This didnt go so well as She full on attacked Me,I have scratches on my back and neck. At one point the neighbor got ahold of Her long enough for me to get in My truck and leave. I went around the corner parked and waited for police. I dont know why but the neighbor had left before police arrived but His wife talked to police about the parts of the incident She had seen. I was thinking ok this does it Shes going to jail. Wrong I was informed that she had some scratches on Her allso and that if I wished to have Her arrested I would allso be arrested.WOW. In complete frustration I let it go. I went to a friend house a few blocks away to stay the night. about 3:00 am a friend of Hers came to the door and served me the papers that were filed back on may 17. Please help there has to be something I can do. I have an Inspection on tues and this is My only income, I have thousands of dollars worth of tools,another vehicle and two dogs i cant leave alone there with her I will have to board them at a kennel at the cost of $32 a day.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
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    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    I'm amazed that the police did not find the unserved TRO when they contacted you. I'm also surprised the officers made no arrest at all if one or both of you had injuries. Easy it is lazy police work, or they are frustrated and cynical.

    Until the order is served, you are under no LEGAL obligation to leave. But, she has all the control between now and the court hearing date of the 6th. If she goes into court and you have not been served the order, the court could continue the matter rather than hear it that day. If you go into court and admit you knew of the order and failed to comply, a court might decide you are substantially in violation anyway. My recommendation would be that you talk to an attorney ASAP to assist you in navigating these waters and the complications of the likely divorce.

  7. #7
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    May 2011
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    5

    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    As I said there never was a relationship let alone a marriage,we have never shared the same bed. I extended a favor by letting a friend occasionaly stay at my house when She had no where else to go. And this is what it has led to. I was served this morning 3:00 am. I had a friend go by and check the house only to find Her and two other people with two trucks loading my tools and various other items. The door has been kicked in to another house on the same property seperate address and utilities that She has absolutly no right to. The police are there as we speak.I wonder if they will finally do something ill keep ya posted. Thanks again for Your time.

  8. #8
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    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Quote Quoting mathill
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    As I said there never was a relationship let alone a marriage,we have never shared the same bed. I extended a favor by letting a friend occasionaly stay at my house when She had no where else to go. And this is what it has led to. I was served this morning 3:00 am. I had a friend go by and check the house only to find Her and two other people with two trucks loading my tools and various other items. The door has been kicked in to another house on the same property seperate address and utilities that She has absolutly no right to. The police are there as we speak.I wonder if they will finally do something ill keep ya posted. Thanks again for Your time.
    Is the order a DV TRO or a civil harassment order (CHO)? There are minor differences between the two.

    You might want to let the police know about the tools and other items. Unfortunately, you cannot go there to oversee the action but you can still make a police report for theft of your property if she takes these things that are clearly not hers.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    5

    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    The police have given her the right to do whatever she pleases at this property, she CLAIMED I had allowed her in this other residence which is currently in condemed status with red stickers on the doors and hasp and locks as well as the deadbolts and doornobs. It seems the police here in bako allow people that have once been in your residence to return whenever they please force entry and take things that do not belong to them and it is a CIVIL matter and they have no authority except to keep the peace. I know it may be hard to make the distinction beween what is a civil matter and criminal, so I phoned the watch commander as so did the owner of the property and construction materials that were in the back of one of the trucks that was blocked in and not allowed to leave. We then made it very clear what was what as far as this other prperty is concerned that she has no right to access or vandalize this place and would He in an effort to stop further damage and theft send an officer by to explain that this place was now off limits. We were denied and when someone went to check on the house this morning the doors had been kicked in and more roofing material gone. This is in a fairly nice area of town so this isnt random vandals. We have been waiting 5 hours for an officer to come take a report, for that matter we were promised last night that we would be contacted for the first report. I am begining to think that all this has to do with a grudge Law enforcement has against my family as My cousin who is in prison for killing DA steven tauser has the same last name. Maybee this isnt the proper place to vent my frustations and im sorry. I really do appreciate the feedback. Who should I talk to to check in to these matters? Obviously not the police.Thanks again for Your time

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
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    Default Re: Restraining Order Who Has to Leave

    Quote Quoting mathill
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    It seems the police here in bako allow people that have once been in your residence to return whenever they please force entry and take things that do not belong to them and it is a CIVIL matter and they have no authority except to keep the peace.
    Unfortunately, that is about all the police can do in a situation like that. Unfortunately, you made her a resident when you allowed her to stay with you. The police are in no position to say who's stuff belongs to who.

    Now, you are certainly free to sue her for any damages or loss of property, and if she takes property that is exclusively yours ou can also make a report to the police of theft. Whether the DA will prosecute for the allegation of theft is a question that no one can answer.

    We have been waiting 5 hours for an officer to come take a report, for that matter we were promised last night that we would be contacted for the first report.
    Cold property crimes are low priority reports. Depending on the agency's resources, they may not get to it for some time. When I worked in a large agency 20 years ago we did not even take cold property reports. You could fill out a form yourself or verbally report it to a calltaker on the phone, but no officer would show up. Many agencies have had to return to those old ways.

    Who should I talk to to check in to these matters? Obviously not the police.Thanks again for Your time
    For the civil mater you can consult an attorney and find out how to make a claim against your estranged roommate for damages or loss. There is no one that can overrule the police on this issue so about all you can do is work your way up the chain of command at the police department until you at least get a report about the thefts and damage. You can also consider speaking to the city manager, mayor, or a council person if you think that might help.

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