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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7

    Default Division of Property, Retirement Accounts and Alimony in Divorce

    My question involves divorce in the State of: New Hampshire

    Here's the situation of our very close friend (hubby's best friend since high school):
    Mom & Dad- Married 14 years, have 3 kids all under 15

    Dad (the friend) wants divorce. Mom claims she doesn't want divorce, but makes no effort in making an appointment for counseling or trying to fix their marriage. Dad doesn't want counseling anyways, he told Mom 6+ months ago he wanted a divorce and wasn't happy or in love with her anymore (and has continued to tell her since). Prior to that he begged for counseling, she refused saying it wasn't needed (but now says she wants it, but again, no effort has been made on her half).

    Dad REALLY wants to just get the paperwork and give it to Mom but is terrified she's going to take everything from him and just make this nasty. He's fairly sure Mom doesn't love him and secretly inside wants a divorce but is afraid of being on her own/alone... so Dad is very stuck in this situation and keeps getting mixed answers when the question of whether or not she can take his retirement account (any of it) is asked. Some say yes, others say absolutely not. Hubby and I think she can't because she makes more than him overall and is currently working. Plus, he'll probably end up paying child support to her because courts usually grant the custody to the mother that way. He wants the house too, as it's his dream house (far from hers, she's more city-girl) but this whole situation has him so upset/frustrated that he's willing to give up everything except for basically his retirement (and obviously wants his kids as much as possible)

    Mom makes $60,000/year roughly and has $200,000+ 401K, very good, stable job, degree, etc.
    Dad makes $50,000/year roughly and has $150,000+ 401K, very good, stable job.

    So can anyone give us a definite straight answer? Both my hubby and our friend (being hubby's best friend) are very distraught over this situation...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Money/401ks + Alimony, Etc

    Given their financial statuses, it would seem that neither would get the other's 401k or walk away with alimony all things being equal. However, New Hampshire is an equitable distribution state, and can take marital fault into consideration when distributing assets.

    There's also no reason why Dad couldn't have shared custody if he wants that.

    The only reason the courts tend to give custody to the mother, is because traditionally the mother has been the primary caregiver. That's all. Given that they're both working, there's no reason Dad couldn't get primary custody.

    Dad should speak with a local attorney asap. Just to protect himself.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Money/401ks + Alimony, Etc

    So, what you are saying is that because NH is an equitable distribution state, Mom can (basically) claim that the divorce is Dad's fault, etc. and can take some (maybe all) his retirement money?

    Mom's entire life is the kids (literally). She does absolutely NOTHING for herself, is constantly volunteering for EVERYTHING and running herself crazy doing stuff all for the kids (Part of Dad's frustration with the marriage). So this is why he thinks he will have no chance at being the primary caregiver of the kids, he's okay with the 50/50 custody and her being primary, but he just absolutely DOES NOT want her to use them as a pawn or talk crap to them about Dad. He wants things as smooth as possible for the kids and knows that life for them will be better after a divorce-- right now Mom & Dad fight a few nights a week, do nothing together, and basically are roommates who do their own things.

    Hubby keeps telling him that he NEEDS to contact an attorney ASAP but he's hesitant of if she found out he took that step in contacting one....

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