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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    3

    Exclamation Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Oklahoma

    Husband and I married March 2010 in Vegas, I continued to live in CA for the first three months of our marriage before leaving to Oklahoma to live with husband. I became pregnant in CA before he helped move me to OK, three months into marriage. I had a very emotional pregnancy topped with new marriage, new state, new job, new lifestyle, and no family or friends with limited support from In-laws. Fighting started within the first few weeks of being in OK. Usually revolving around husbands insecerity issues, and lack of trust. Me, being extremely emotional, having just left my life behind to be together and giving our marriage everything i had became easily upset when he threw his mistrust in my face. We had at least one huge fight a month, husband would reject anything I said when i became emotional and became emotionally withdrawn during fight and was slow to warm up after fight. Husband would verbally "push" me past my breaking point due to his anger with being "ignored". Husband would not allow anything to be dropped and discussed later. Very here and now in every aspect of his behavior. Being pregnant made handling the "pushing" very difficult... fighting would get too intense for me to handle and I would say i'm leaving... knowing i had nowhere to go other than california husband took it as im leaving him and wanting divorce. I admit i was wrong for saying im leaving, but felt like i had no other option of getting him to back off. I would take off in car and drive to cool off or go park somewhere, few times husband chased me around town. One fight got so extreme and i felt so threatened that I told husband he would never see his son. This was not premeditated and thought had never crossed my mind but, unfortunately it came out and I couldnt take it back. This resulted in husband breaking his hand, because this was extremely upsetting? We saw a counselor one time, but afterwards husband swore up and down he would never go back, that it went against everything he stood for. A month later another huge fight led to me saying i was leaving, and this time i packed my car and planned to drive to CA 7 months pregnant. Husband didnt try to stop me, and after not being able to get out of town (knew leaving wasnt what i wanted), i eventually went home... Spent two days begging husband not to give up, that I don't want to leave and I wanted to get help on communicating so piddly fights wouldnt escalate. Husband wasn't backing down about letting me stay. I spent a week in CA and decided to come home. Made promises and asked that he walk away when i expressed i couldnt handle anymore. Things were ok for awhile, but then the fighting resumed. A week before my due date husband pushed too far, and I warned him to stop a few times and at that point I told him I was leaving again, at this time he told a mutual fight that we were over and there was nothing left to save. Spent the night with a co-worker, two days later we talked things out enough to end the fight. That weekend fighting began again, carried over into monday while we went to my final doctor appt. Once again he had me so worked up that my blood pressure was too high, he had to leave the room so i could relax and get retested. This was the second occurance of high blood pressure due to stress husband put on me. He fought me the whole way home as I begged him to just stop talking that I needed some quiet time. When we got home he had me sit down to talk. He told me "we're done, and I'm ok with that. Now lets talk about the baby" I got upset hearing that and got up, told him how upsetting hearing him say we were done was. I left the house to go to work, and he blew up my cell phone as always. I was too upset to answer and then he started texting warning me to answer or he was calling the police. Told me he was calling to report the damage I did to the wall a week previos as a result of throwing a water bottle. That was my last straw. I called my parents in CA and cried about how we were fighting again and he had told me we're done. Parents purchased tickets and flew in the next morning. I told husband my parents were coming and he had pushed me too far, upset I told him that i would file for divorce and send the papers (guess it made me feel better to be the one threatening divorce instead of him). Stayed with co-worker again that night and ignored husbands phone calls. He sent a picture of a letter from an attorney showing he was seeking jurisdiction of me and custody of child. Wrote paid in full himself on letter to scare and placed his wedding band on paper as well. This scared me that he was serious about divorce and was planning to get me legally stuck in OK with nobody. My parents arrived and immediately started driving me home to CA, I tried to fight it and had no intention of leaving before the baby was born. Got back to CA and saw a doctor, got induced three days later. Offered husband a plane ticket to come for our sons birth and he refused. Son is 6 weeks old and husband has still yet to meet him. Finally served divorce papers last week and was forced to hire attorney, with borrowed money since i've been on maternity leave with no income. Had a weeks notice to appear in court in OK. Attorney pushed court back two weeks, and i have to appear for Temporary orders hearing. Since I left, I've been talking with husband about going back to work things out since he has agreed to move to CA... Husband has been unreasonable in his requests for me to return, even pushing that i drive myself and infant across the country alone. Only pushing for divorce because he thinks its his only way of seeing son. Now that I have hired attorney and got court pushed back he finally was ready accept my offer to fly him here to come get us, and changed his mind when I said I wanted him to sit down with me and my parents. My family is completely against me going back due to my husbands behavior, especially since I've left.

    Divorce papers were written before he knew I was leaving, they claim OK is our home state as well as our child's home state. However, being my son was born in CA, CA is his home state. How do I get CA courts involved to get them to take jurisdiction of custody issue? Is it too late to get temporary ca custody since i've been served? I know Divorce must go through OK due to residency, can I request in OK for custody to be handled in CA?
    If I brought son to OK with me, is there anyway he could be required not to leave state? Is it possible for husband to "steal" son? Will it affect me asking for change of court for jurisdiction for the best interest in my son and difficulty of him traveling out of state for court?
    I plan to contest the divorce. I feel that there is hope to reconsile marriage with the stipulation of getting counseling. Can i request counseling and possibly mental health eval? Chances of getting?
    Husband is threatening me that i need to tell the whole truth, sure hes going to play dirty to get judge to rule in his favor for custody. There was one occassion where out of desperation for any sort of physical contact I could get, due to my husband purposely holding out knowing my need for physical affection while pregnant, I approached him kicking and swinging, not forceful or with any intention of hurting him. Of course he exaggerated situtation to look good for him. Will judge consider that as a negative reflection of me? Any chance that judge will consider I was pregnant and under extreme stress?
    My husband can be very manipulative and has a way with words that can get almost anyone eating out of the palm of his hand.
    I know leaving was a horrible outcome, but at the time i felt I had no option, and I was scared to death of being a divorced single parent in OK with NO ONE.

    Thanks for baring with me through all of that. Very emotional situation, it's hard to keep it brief.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    You can't afford NOT to get an attorney here.

    Even though you gave birth in CA, you resided in OK for at least 6 months prior to that - jurisdiction might be an issue.

    And if OK retains jurisdiction, your husband can absolutely request that the child is returned to OK.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    According to UCCJA, OK doesn't met any of the criteria for jurisdiction. This is just from my own research and my understanding... just because OK has jurisdiction over divorce, does that give them jurisdiction over custody? I have no ties to OK besides my husband, who filed for divorce while I was pregnant... Courts cant make me return to OK and theres no way they will take a newborn away from me, right?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    Fathers can get custody of newborns.

    But really, the issue may be jurisdictional. You have a newborn. And you lived in OK for at least six months prior to the birth. You need an attorney.

    The court can't force YOU to return, no. But the court may - MAY - be able to force the return of the child.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    I have hired an attorney... any advice as to what steps I can take to benefit my case?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Interstate Divorce and Custody of Newborn

    We cannot second-guess your attorney who not only has ALL of the details of your situation..but also knows the local climate of the courts.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

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