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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Practicing in Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    411

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting broken heart
    Hi,

    I live in wayne county, MI. I recently found out that my husband is in love with someone else and is going to divorce me. He says our marriage was over before he met her and he called a lawyer to get information. Last year he did file but we worked things out and I thought everything was great between us. Well I guess it wasn't. So heres my question. Would I have a case if I didn't have physical proof of the affair? I have a few emails from them that are short but they do say they love eachother in them. I have one email that says she's can't wait until friday. He says that it was instant messaging not a meeting. I can not trust what he says. He's convinced everyone that she is just a friend at this point. He flat out told me he loves her and plans on being with her. I do have a month of cell phone records and they have talked everyday since they met for hours. We went to a lawyer together and the lawyer said that its ok for him to have this relationship b/c in michigan its hard to prove it. I can not find any case law on that. On a seperate note we are truly trying to work things out for our children. We agreed that we would share joint custody and he would let me have them more often than not outside of our court order. He's agreed to give me 1,300 of his 3,900 monthly income but thats all. He won't give up any of his pension or IRA's. He said he will not pay allimony b/c he has taken care of me financially for the past 6 years and he won't anymore. I feel that is too little and he said if I ask for more that he would fight for full custody. I'm not too sure what to do. He knows how to fight dirty and say he would throw my disability and mental issues (depression) I had in the past into getting full custody. He also said he would try to prove me unfit b/c the kids seen me shove him with a barstool when he said to me that I was not good in bed. Other than that they over heard me once talking about the affair. We now make sure that we are out of the house or the kids are asleep when we talk. There is no argueing in front of them. I can not afford an lawyer b/c i'm on disability for MS right now. Also I don't know if it would be in my best interest to get a job and give up the disability to prove I can financially care for the children. I have been a stay at home for the past 6 years. As it stands right now he has a lawyer that will only represent him not both of us but he will put whatever we agree to in the divorce documents. I really don't feel comfortable without having a lawyer but I don't know where I'll come up with the money to afford one either. Should I just accept what he's offering or risk loosing it all? I'm really unsure what to do I just don't want to get short changed in all of this while he moves on and has a great life with someone else. Sorry for the long post.

    My response:

    Under the law, you have what is termed as a "short term marriage." Your chances of any alimony (spousal support) are slim and none. You may obtain a small lump sum; e.g., $1,000 for each year of marriage, plus the offer of $1,300.00 monthly (which is generous considering the short length of your marriage) plus shared custody of the children.

    My advice? Take the money and run.

    IAAL

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    984

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting IAAL
    My response:

    Under the law, you have what is termed as a "short term marriage." Your chances of any alimony (spousal support) are slim and none. You may obtain a small lump sum; e.g., $1,000 for each year of marriage, plus the offer of $1,300.00 monthly (which is generous considering the short length of your marriage) plus shared custody of the children.

    My advice? Take the money and run.

    IAAL
    IAAL, read it again, $1300 is not for spousal support, nor was he planning on her share of IRA's or pension and 6 years is the length of time she has not been employed due to her disability. We don't know how long they have been married, when she was Dx with MS, how many children and how many born after her Dx with MS which exacerbates MA, she may very well be entitled to spousal support and medical coverage. She definately needs her own attorney and to be sure to apply for social security disability if she doesn't already have it, if she qualifies for it, she might not sue to the length of time she has not worked.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Practicing in Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    411

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting rmet4nzkx
    IAAL, read it again, $1300 is not for spousal support, nor was he planning on her share of IRA's or pension and 6 years is the length of time she has not been employed due to her disability. We don't know how long they have been married, when she was Dx with MS, how many children and how many born after her Dx with MS which exacerbates MA, she may very well be entitled to spousal support and medical coverage. She definately needs her own attorney and to be sure to apply for social security disability if she doesn't already have it, if she qualifies for it, she might not sue to the length of time she has not worked.
    My dear Rmet:

    I based my response on the following two statements:

    • "b/c he has taken care of me financially for the past 6 years and he won't anymore."

    and

    • "I have been a stay at home for the past 6 years."


    . . . both are indications of a "short term marriage" e.g., something less than 10 years.

    Also, she mentioned that:

    • "He's agreed to give me 1,300 of his 3,900 monthly income"


    . . . which is an indicator of "spousal support" - - for an indeterminate period of time.

    So, until she comes back to clarify what she means, I stand by my response.

    IAAL

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    28,906

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    A stay-at-home spouse, medically disabled, with multiple small children? I personally would think there is a good chance of rehabilitative spousal support, and a possibility of permanent spousal support. Call me an optimist if you will.

    Would I advise somebody to waive spousal support, waive her right to her share of her husband's retirement accounts, and to stipulate to a child support figure without checking the Michigan child support formula? Quite the opposite.

    I would encourage Ms. Heart to consult her own lawyer. In Wayne County it can be difficult to get help directly from Wayne County Legal Services, as they have too many cases and put a priority on domestic violence cases, but it's worth trying and (as the links above demonstrate) there are other sources of affordable legal help available.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    984

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting IAAL
    My dear Rmet:

    I based my response on the following two statements:

    • "b/c he has taken care of me financially for the past 6 years and he won't anymore."

    and

    • "I have been a stay at home for the past 6 years."


    . . . both are indications of a "short term marriage" e.g., something less than 10 years.

    Also, she mentioned that:

    • "He's agreed to give me 1,300 of his 3,900 monthly income"


    . . . which is an indicator of "spousal support" - - for an indeterminate period of time.

    So, until she comes back to clarify what she means, I stand by my response.

    IAAL
    My Dear IAAL,
    You omitted the portion of her post indicating that it was not spousal support and that he would file for ful custody if she wanted more.
    He's agreed to give me 1,300 of his 3,900 monthly income but thats all. He won't give up any of his pension or IRA's. He said he will not pay allimony b/c he has taken care of me financially for the past 6 years and he won't anymore. I feel that is too little and he said if I ask for more that he would fight for full custody.
    She never states how long they have been married and the issue or her MS complicates matters. She definately needs her own attorney.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Practicing in Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    411

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting rmet4nzkx
    My Dear IAAL,
    You omitted the portion of her post indicating that it was not spousal support and that he would file for ful custody if she wanted more.
    She never states how long they have been married and the issue or her MS complicates matters. She definately needs her own attorney.

    Dearest Rmet:

    No, I didn't omit or forget anything; and, due to her phrasing, I stand by my response. Until our writer comes back to clarify certain statements and facts, I have no other choice than to believe it would be a continuing monthly payment, rather than a single payment.

    I realize she never came out with the phrase, "I have been married for XX years." However, and for all we know, he married her 6 years ago with MS - - which was the reason for my response, above.

    IAAL

  7. #7

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Ok i'll clarify the matter. Thanks for all the advice so far!

    We will be married for five years on sept 29. My husband is going through a bankruptcy right now so we can not file until that is finished. So we will be married for 5 years when we do file. I was Dx with MS a year after the twins were born. My Dr stated that the birth of the twins is what probably brought out the MS. We don't know when I actually got it. But it is my understanding that I may have never had any symptoms if I didn't have kids. I don't want to blame the twins for this its just a fact that pregnancy has brought the disease to the surface with many people according to my Dr. I am on S.S. disability. My husband said that his employer would not let me stay on the medical after the divorce. Is there a way that this is possible? As it stands right now. I will be using his lawyer (who is also my lawyer for another matter) and we will be working together. We agreed that the lawyer will represent me as long as everything stays as we agreed. If it changes he will fight for full custody. I just think i'm owed a part of his pension for the years we were married since we both agreed in the beginning that I would be a stay at home mom. The 1,300 is for child support. He will not agree to allimony. We will be sharing custody 50 -50. I think the 1,300 for support is more than fair. I did the calculations and I should not even be getting that much for a 50-50 split. Heres another question that I have. I recorded our conversation the other day where he admits that he's in another relationship. If he does decide to make this a fight will I be able to use the recording as proof of his affair in court?

    Thanks!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Practicing in Los Angeles, California
    Posts
    411

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Quote Quoting broken heart
    Ok i'll clarify the matter. Thanks for all the advice so far!

    We will be married for five years on sept 29. My husband is going through a bankruptcy right now so we can not file until that is finished. So we will be married for 5 years when we do file. I was Dx with MS a year after the twins were born. My Dr stated that the birth of the twins is what probably brought out the MS. We don't know when I actually got it. But it is my understanding that I may have never had any symptoms if I didn't have kids. I don't want to blame the twins for this its just a fact that pregnancy has brought the disease to the surface with many people according to my Dr. I am on S.S. disability. My husband said that his employer would not let me stay on the medical after the divorce. Is there a way that this is possible? As it stands right now. I will be using his lawyer (who is also my lawyer for another matter) and we will be working together. We agreed that the lawyer will represent me as long as everything stays as we agreed. If it changes he will fight for full custody. I just think i'm owed a part of his pension for the years we were married since we both agreed in the beginning that I would be a stay at home mom. The 1,300 is for child support. He will not agree to allimony. We will be sharing custody 50 -50. I think the 1,300 for support is more than fair. I did the calculations and I should not even be getting that much for a 50-50 split. Heres another question that I have. I recorded our conversation the other day where he admits that he's in another relationship. If he does decide to make this a fight will I be able to use the recording as proof of his affair in court?

    Thanks!
    My response:

    And with that, I rest my case. As I said before, "take the money and run." Your marriage was too short for anything more.

    In answer to your last question, that's simple - - no.

    IAAL

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    755

    Default Re: Divorce, Support and Affair?

    Let me start off by saying, that I am anti-ex wife.
    I just recently went through a divorce, and got raked through the coals, and because of that, I ( up untill now ), have not felt sorry for the ex wives ( when children are involved )
    That being said.....
    You are getting skrewed.
    Yeah, the $1,300 seems pretty good.
    But, here's some of the things you need to think about....
    1) When will he have the children on a week to week basis.
    2) What about holidays?
    3) You need wording in the divorce settlement, that says how often the child support will be re calculated. If he hits the lottery, or gets a good paying job, he will need to pay more
    4) What about out of pocket medical expenses. Will it be 50/50? If you don't word it correctly, and Jr. needs a full set of braces, YOU will be paying for it, because YOU have primary physical custody.
    The fact that you are using the same lawyer, as him, is concerning, to say the least. Of course he will represent you, as long as the father gets what he wants. That's a no brainer, slam dunk easy win for them.
    You can get a lawyer, for free, based on your disability and income. You just need to put in the effort, and look. Call your child support system, and see if they can point you in the right direction. Help is avaiable to you, if you look for it. Remember, you need to find the help, the help won't find you.
    Moving on...
    You will most likely not be able to touch his retirement.
    5 years is a short term marraige, you are not entitled to anything concerning retirement.
    He does not have to keep you on his health insurance, if the health care provider does not allow it. Once youre divorced, your off. You children on the other hand, may stay on his health insurance.
    The courts dont care why you are getting divorced. It doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend or not. About your recording the phone conversations....
    Some states it's legal, some states it's not. Check this website for more info on your state...

    http://www.callcorder.com/phone-reco...aw-america.htm

    Get yourself a lawyer.

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