Quote Quoting broken heart
So heres my question. Would I have a case if I didn't have physical proof of the affair?
Michigan's a "no fault" state for divorce, so the affair only matters in relation to the division of marital property, and even then only to the extent that you go to trial instead of settling. And even then, in a troubled marriage, it's not likely to make much difference in the split.

Quote Quoting broken heart
We went to a lawyer together and the lawyer said that its ok for him to have this relationship b/c in michigan its hard to prove it.
His lawyer says it's okay for him to sleep around, because it's hard to prove? Sheesh....

Quote Quoting broken heart
On a seperate note we are truly trying to work things out for our children. We agreed that we would share joint custody and he would let me have them more often than not outside of our court order. He's agreed to give me 1,300 of his 3,900 monthly income but thats all. He won't give up any of his pension or IRA's.
I assume his lawyer didn't tell you this, but he has no choice in the matter if you push things - as a matter of law you're entitled to a share of his retirement benefits which accrued during the marriage. Child support is determined by formula. The fact that he provided support during the marriage is irrelevant to his obligation to pay spousal support after a divorce.

Quote Quoting broken heart
I feel that is too little and he said if I ask for more that he would fight for full custody. I'm not too sure what to do. He knows how to fight dirty and say he would throw my disability and mental issues (depression) I had in the past into getting full custody. He also said he would try to prove me unfit b/c the kids seen me shove him with a barstool when he said to me that I was not good in bed. Other than that they over heard me once talking about the affair.
So he's threatening you with a custody challenge if you assert your financial rights? Nice.

Quote Quoting broken heart
I can not afford an lawyer b/c i'm on disability for MS right now.
Three options come to mind:
  • Legal Aid (look here and here);
  • Having a court ask that he be ordered to advance legal fees to you, to be repaid from the eventual settlement or judgment; or
  • Find a lawyer willing to be paid out of the eventual settlement or judgment.

Quote Quoting broken heart
Also I don't know if it would be in my best interest to get a job and give up the disability to prove I can financially care for the children.
If you have MS, even if you are in a stable period or temporary remission, it's a degenerative disease. (I don't need to tell you that.) Which means that you may well find yourself unable to work, even if at present you feel capable of holding a job. You should look into the work incentive programs such that if you feel capable of working (and qualify) you can do so without putting your benefits in jeopardy.

Quote Quoting broken heart
I have been a stay at home for the past 6 years.
Which should help you considerably in any custody dispute. (And presumably you're still a stay-at-home mom, which makes it harder for him to argue that you're unfit as he is fully aware of the facts he threatens to allege and is still happy with that arrangement.)

Quote Quoting broken heart
As it stands right now he has a lawyer that will only represent him not both of us but he will put whatever we agree to in the divorce documents.
But, as he's representing your husband, he'll likely help engineer a settlement that is not in your favor, as evidenced by his failure to tell you of your entitlement to a share of your husband's retirement benefits and savings.