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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    6

    Default Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina
    My ex has primary care and I have visitation. He schedules activites for the children which make visitation difficult. He tells the children they have to talk to me because it's my visitation time to see if they have to miss the scheduled activity.

    This has caused me to miss many weekend visitation, in that, I don't want to tell the children they have to miss Friday dances or Saturday practices to visit me. I live 3 hours away so the courts granted all long weekend visitation at least 1 time a month. I have not seen them since Christmas.

    My attorney sent a detailed letter, but there has been no change. It got worse. I don't have funds to keep paying my attorney for these letters at $250/hour. He just keeps violating the decree with no consequence.

    Also, he told the kids he is getting married soon, but did not let me know.

    Primary care is to change July 2011 to me; however, I expect him to file modification to keep primary care. Hence, the need to get married because he cannot live with her in SC and keep primary care.

    Can someone offer ideas on how to prevent continued alienation of a parent visitation. He places the kids in the middle.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    9,096

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    What you do on your time is your decision.

    Why would you assume he has to inform you of his intention to wed?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    Your attorney needs to be filing contempt every time Dad withholds the kids.

    However, as a general rule, you have to actually turn up to pick the kids up - you have to make the effort. In effect by not doing that you're more or less giving Dad the "ok" .

    I do have a question though - what does marriage have to do with Dad's custody?

    Please explain.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    the other parent is not violating the order if you do not exercise your time. It is you. You are going to have to make a decision: either exercise your visitation knowing the children will miss some events or give up your visitation time and allow them to attend whatever they have going that weekend.

    Is your 1 long weekend a month any specific date? If so, I would simply tell the children, ahead of time, that you will be picking them up that weekend so they should plan their things accordingly.

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Your attorney needs to be filing contempt every time Dad withholds the kids.
    .
    I don't see dad withholding visitation. It would appear the OP is getting played, and allowing it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    As a general rule both parties live within driving distance. In our case, I cannot just turn up to pick the kids up so show effort. Total driving time is 6 hours and the decree states we must meet halfway. Visitation must be scheduled in advance as is stated in the decree. The dates are very specific so there should be no question; however, it states the primary caregiver has final decision if there are disputes. The decree also states the primary must not schedule activities that prevent visitation. My opinion is the burdon to "say no" to the kids packed schedule or schedule activities supporting visitation lies on the person vested by the court as primary caregiver.

    I agree that I should make more effort to place contempt charges, but it seems so strong and I desire ability to work in a positive manner. I hoped someone in the forum could provide alternative ways to overcome the visitation issues as contempt is a last resort for me. Any ideas that have worked in the past?

    As for the marriage and custody. The courts have granted me as primary caregiver beginning July 2011. His behavior (whole different forum) indicates his intent to NOT adhere to the final decree and file a motion to modify custody to keep the kids. Since he desires full custody (which he lost in court) and placed a contract on a house with his new friend, he would NOT be granted primary care unless they were married. Therein lies the custody in South Carolina.

    This divorce has only been final for 13 months. I have upheld my obligation to the court, purchased a home for the kids, visited schools, and much more. Yes, they are currently in his care, but if he files a motion already to change the custody, and they are in his care, I think the court may have they stay put during procedings. So what did I spend $10k on during the 2 year divorce? And, already he wants a change?

    How often do courts tolerate a persons request for change?

    I don't assume he has to inform me about intention to wed. It does anger me, in that, I am not offered the option until age 55. Due to 25 years marriage to active duty, I receive medical benefits and retirement; however, loose everything if I get married. If I live with someone, I do not get custody. Double edge sword. Whatever.

    Since the marriage was the kids entire life (25 years), the divorce is relatively recent (filed 13 months ago) and new marriage is 4 months after meeting new friend (maybe longer) I believe it in the best interest of the kids for their mother to be able to help them deal with some pretty tough issues. Of course, he can do whatever he wants...he always did.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    424

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    If you don't show more of a committment to spend time with your children, he may use that against you in court to try and block the change to your custody. You need to do whatever it takes to visit your kids -- even if that means driving all the way to his community, getting a hotel room and taking your kids to all of their activities in their community.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Scheduling Activities That Prevent Visitation

    Mom, I really think you should speak with an attorney; very generally speaking an order outlining FUTURE custody changes is not enforceable and you may well find that Dad remains primary unless there is a change in circumstance in the kids' lives. Not yours or his.

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