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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    2

    Question Child's Mother Making Communication Difficult

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    First, I have been reading alot of threads, and know, as the Fiance to a man with a child by another woman, that I have no legal grounds to do anything in the matter. I am simply asking for advice on his behalf, as well as for information on her ability to make my participation in the child's activities after marriage difficult.

    Here is the situation, my Fiance is an amazing father, he provides for and takes care of his son. He was actively involved in all aspects of his childs first year, until his deployment. The custody agreement makes him the Primary Custodial Parent with 51% and she has 49% with $0 owed in child support by either parent.

    He recently deployed and this woman wants him to give her $800 a month b/c one of her friends had a military man as the father of her child and gets that much from him. She continually asks why the money only has to be for their son and she can't use it for herself and indicates that he should still be taking care of her as well as their son even though they are no longer together b/c she cheated on him. He obviously denied that amount and is providing her with the amount of child support he would have to pay based on TN standards, even though he isn't required to give her any money. He stocked up on necessities for the child before he left and is sending clothing/diapers/toys, whatever he needs as she requests it.

    Since he denied the money and is seriously involved with me however, she is now changing her phone number so he can't contact her and denying the 2 phone calls a week the custody agreement states as a requirement, saying that since the child is 1, he can't have a conversation. The child recognizes his fathers' voice and his demeanor changes completely when he is talking, he is also beginning to talk and calls him dad when he hears him on the phone. She also repeatedly ignores his calls, denying him information on his sons' welfare.

    She continually threatens to take him out of state to go live with some guy she used to date in NC, or the one she cheated on him with in TX, or go live with her father in GA. The agreement states that she has to give him 60 days written notice prior to leaving the state for any longer than 2 days. This is a very big concern of his b/c he IS deployed and there is no one here that will be able to do anything about it until his unit can send him back. By then, she could disappear completely.

    He had his lawyer send her a letter reminding her of the custody agreement rules and notifying her that if she continues to do this, then she will be in violation of the agreement. He is keeping records of all conversations and threats that she makes that aren't verbal.

    -Is there anything else that can be done at this point to protect him and his rights to his child?

    -Does he have to wait until she actually leaves with the child to do anything about it?

    -Once we do get married, can she deny me the ability to pick the child up from daycare even if he says it's ok?

    -She has already come up to me since his deployment and made a threat. If she actually assaults me, what could happen at that point?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    Default Re: Child's Mother Making Communication Difficult

    A child of 1 year old cannot be reasonably expected to participate in phone calls - Dad can try to make a fuss about it but Mom's not going to get reprimanded for that.

    Dad also cannot dictate how Mom spends any money he gives her - if she wants to spend it on mani/pedis and purses, that's up to her. As long as the child is fed, housed and clothed, anyway.

    The bigger problem your husband has is the issue of relocating; with him being military and deployable, he can't really object if Mom gives notice and relocates. Even if she relocates without notice and Dad objects afterwards, the court is left with little option but to allow her to move with the child - the court can't really give custody to Dad given that he's deployable.

    Mom can't stop Dad from allowing someone else (you, a relative etc.,) from picking up kiddo from daycare unless the orders specifically provide that only the parent is present at pickup/dropoff.

    If you're assaulted, call the police and report the incident.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    2

    Default Re: Child's Mother Making Communication Difficult

    Dad also cannot dictate how Mom spends any money he gives her - if she wants to spend it on mani/pedis and purses, that's up to her. As long as the child is fed, housed and clothed, anyway.
    He is by no means trying to dictate how she spends the money he gives her for his son, she essentially wanted him to give her $800 a month so she wouldn't have to work, on top of providing for all the essentials.

    The problem is, she's not relocating to somewhere stable. She's a waitress, and her income isn't enough for her to relocate as far as 18 hours away where she has no one to help her. There is not money saved anywhere. She's threatening to do this out of spite and the child's welfare isn't taken into consideration. She is also not the Primary physical custodian, though i'm not sure that changes anything. From an article I was reading before, if the parent 'absconds with' the child, then he has every legal right to go after her. She isn't talking about leaving and maintaining contact, she's talking about disappearing and taking his child away basically. Not entirely sure, but I think there's something that should protect soldiers from things like that. She has a good address and a way to contact him, so there's no reason she is incapable of giving him advance notification.

    I figured that about the phone call thing. She only says that when she's mad at him (which has been happening more often now that he's deployed), other than that she lets him do it.

    Obviously I would do that, I'm not an idiot, I should have clarified further apparently. IF she does assault me and I press charges, how would that impact the child's situation?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Child's Mother Making Communication Difficult

    Quote Quoting masujin
    View Post
    He is by no means trying to dictate how she spends the money he gives her for his son, she essentially wanted him to give her $800 a month so she wouldn't have to work, on top of providing for all the essentials.

    Dad should politely tell her to pound sand If he's not ordered to pay child support, he's not obliged to pay anything at all.



    The problem is, she's not relocating to somewhere stable. She's a waitress, and her income isn't enough for her to relocate as far as 18 hours away where she has no one to help her. There is not money saved anywhere. She's threatening to do this out of spite and the child's welfare isn't taken into consideration. She is also not the Primary physical custodian, though i'm not sure that changes anything. From an article I was reading before, if the parent 'absconds with' the child, then he has every legal right to go after her. She isn't talking about leaving and maintaining contact, she's talking about disappearing and taking his child away basically. Not entirely sure, but I think there's something that should protect soldiers from things like that. She has a good address and a way to contact him, so there's no reason she is incapable of giving him advance notification.

    She wouldn't be absconding. And sure, Dad can object - but seriously, he's deployable. That means that even if by some miracle Dad was awarded primary placement, as soon as he's deployed again kiddo goes back to Mom anyway.

    You're referring to the SSCRA, which - if invoked - does protect deployed soldiers from having custody changed in their absence. However, the practical reality is that if she moves while Dad is deployed, Dad's pretty much stuck.

    Here's why.

    When the court has to decide a relocation case, there are basically two options. Allow the relocation, or give custody to the other parent if the relocating parent doesn't want to stay put. In this situation Dad is deployed - it's simply not feasible to give him custody. Make more sense now?


    I figured that about the phone call thing. She only says that when she's mad at him (which has been happening more often now that he's deployed), other than that she lets him do it.

    Obviously I would do that, I'm not an idiot, I should have clarified further apparently. IF she does assault me and I press charges, how would that impact the child's situation?

    It likely wouldn't change anything unless the assault was very serious (ie, substantially more than slapping you across the face) or the child was present.

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