Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1

    Default Separated, Husband Wants Visitation, and Am Scared for Children

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina

    My husband and I have been separated for the past month or so. He got kicked out of the house (we were staying with my parents) for his behavior and stressing me out. I am 38 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our first is a 6 year old girl. He had a lot of anger issues, abusive tendacies, stealing bill money, lies, talking about other woman, and mind games during the marriage. He was never a father really to our 6 year old. He was in and out of her life. So, I truly raised her. We were only married for 7 months before we separated this year (August 2010). The stress of the marriage put me into therapy and depression pills. Things are obviously better now that he is out of the house. It has caused a lot of emotional problems with our daughter. So, there is a positive change in her, too.

    Since we have been separated, he has not been here to see our daughter. He has only given me $100 in the past 4-5 weeks since he has been gone for support. The first week, he gave nothing. Instead, he had his aunt charge onto her Khols card for baby items totaling almost $100 for just a few items. I did not need them and they did not help me any financially. It did not help me financially with our 6 year old. The next week, he gave me $40 and said he forgot the other $10. He said he would bring that back the next day and never did. Then, he says he would bring it the next week which he did. That week he gave me $60. He has not been consistent with child support which he told me would be $50/weekly. He brags about how he gots money over there. He just does not pass it over here to support his kids.

    To make it short, I had a disturbing conversation yesterday with him. He wants to get into a studio apartment (1 bedroom) and wants the kids to come there with him for visitation. He really wants it to be overnights. He is not the most stabled person. He drinks which is something he likes to do. He does not act right when he does. He can be abusive. I don't trust him to leave the house in his car with our 6 year old. I have had to pull her off of him several times in this marriage when he is hurting her. He has squeezed her legs till she is repeatedly telling your hurting me. He has bit her several times in her sides. He does not let go. You have to seriously put muscle into it to get her off of him. He has a temper and there has been disturbing convos of him talking about his own childhood abuse. It was enough for my sister who is a police officer to be concerned from her convo with him. He does not provide enough support now or during the marriage. In fact, he did not make enough money during the marriage to support himself. My parents put a lot of money into him and was supporting him practically. He does not come over to see our daughter. He has only seen her once for maybe an hour. He has the opportunity, but does not do it. He is more into his own life over there. He lives with his aunt as a guest in her apartment, right now. He has a car that is given to him, but still owned by his boss. He has to pay him off before he can call it his.

    We do not have any lawyers. He wants to split the cost of filing ourselves at the family court. He tells me he wants to get this apartment and have the kids over with him. He claims he supports his kids, but compared to what I do its not even close. Does he have as much rights as he claims? I don't want him to have the kids like that and I not be there to protect them. I am truly concerned. Also, I am 38 weeks pregnant and I would like to know if its in my right not to include him in the birth of this baby? He wants to claim himself as a dad, but has not claimed the responsibility financially or support in this pregnancy. My family, friends, and I have done so much more than he has. Yet, he wants these rights to claim since we are married. Would it be best to just get a lawyer?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Minneapolis/St. Paul area
    Posts
    497

    Default Re: Separated, Husband Wants Visitation, and Am Scared for Children

    It is always a good idea idea to chat with a lawyer, if only to ensure that you have accurate information. Your husband can tell you all sorts of things. I can tell you all sorts of things too, but that doesn't automatically make either of us correct. In your husband's case, he has his own agenda, so if he can get you to buy the "oceanfront property", that 's a boon for him. A lawyer, at least would have your interests in mind.

    However, getting more specifically to your case...

    You are free to not allow your husband in the delivery room, but that will not stop him from being listed on the birth certificate, and, if he chooses, enforcing his parental rights. They are his rights to use or not use as he chooses.

    Regarding the custody arrangement, there's not a lot that you can do to prevent him from getting a studio apartment and taking the kids there. As long as they have a roof over their heads...
    But you also mentioned abuse. What proof do you have of this? Has he been arrested and convicted for it? If not, then you will have one heck of an uphill battle even getting that concern heard. You currently face a perception problem: if all of these incidents occurred, and you did nothing about them, then you essentially sent the message that they were not worth getting upset about. If your sister is an officer, and did nothing, then that is a double whammy. She is obligated to report all abuse and her decision not to report your husband indicates (as the courts see it) that what happened is not probably the exaggerations of an overly stressed individual.

    IMHO, I think your best option is to speak with a lawyer and determine a custody plan that you can accept. At the very least, you can take the standard visitation plan and use that as a starting point to figure out what type of agreement you want to argue for. Bear in mind though that if your husband does not want to negotiate, you may wind up with the standard order. And I know that the idea of him having overnights with the kids scares you, but thus far you have not offered anything that tells us that he won't get them.

    But, trying to look on the bright side, there's a chance that being placed in a position where he is the sole caretaker of the children may prompt him to rise to the occassion; if you're not there as a safety net, he just may step up. If not, well, then you'll have the evidence you need.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Separated, Husband Wants Visitation, and Am Scared for Children

    I did not call the cops because I did not have the support of my family. They saw the stuff that was going on and they stepped in when needed to confront him when he was being abusive. Yet, it was still their house. It took a while for them to come to grips about what kind of person he is. Now, they see his true colors. They just figured I was hormonal and my family is pro marriage.

    I struggled with reporting to the police, but I was more scared about his reaction. I was scared throughout the marriage. I slept in a different room with our daughter and the door was always locked before I closed me eyes. There is no proof on paper. My sister who is the cop did not say much in that case. I do not think she started taking it seriously until my parents started, too. They saw a lot more living here. She basically told me I did not have a case because of the marriage with a lot of things he did. She said it would be a hard thing to prove to a judge. So, it did not give me much hope in proceeding. And from the sounds of it, it just may be true which is why I am scared in the first place.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Separated, Husband Wants Visitation, and Am Scared for Children

    Quote Quoting Lexi_Dorrance
    View Post
    I did not call the cops because I did not have the support of my family. They saw the stuff that was going on and they stepped in when needed to confront him when he was being abusive. Yet, it was still their house. It took a while for them to come to grips about what kind of person he is. Now, they see his true colors. They just figured I was hormonal and my family is pro marriage.

    I struggled with reporting to the police, but I was more scared about his reaction. I was scared throughout the marriage. I slept in a different room with our daughter and the door was always locked before I closed me eyes. There is no proof on paper. My sister who is the cop did not say much in that case. I do not think she started taking it seriously until my parents started, too. They saw a lot more living here. She basically told me I did not have a case because of the marriage with a lot of things he did. She said it would be a hard thing to prove to a judge. So, it did not give me much hope in proceeding. And from the sounds of it, it just may be true which is why I am scared in the first place.


    I'm astonished that you law-enforcement sister discouraged you from filing police reports when your husband was being abusive. Because frankly that pretty much sunk any claim of abuse at this point.

    I would have a chat with a local attorney.

    But from what you've said, I'm not seeing how you can prove that he's a threat to you or the child/ren. Therefore he'll likely get some form of joint custody (if he wants it, anyway) and unsupervised visitation.

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Similar Threads

  1. Federal Taxes: Claiming Children on Taxes when Separated
    By Brownlove in forum Tax Law
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-13-2011, 04:52 AM
  2. Support Arrears: Child Support Arrears Keeping Me Separated from Children Across the Border
    By jp.owens in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-27-2011, 03:47 PM
  3. Property Division: Financed Car for Husband, Now Separated
    By Libby73 in forum Divorce, Annulment and Separation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-16-2010, 09:17 AM
  4. Separated From My Children
    By Kurt in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-02-2009, 07:18 AM
  5. Pregnant and separated, husband is not the father
    By confused during divorce in forum Paternity Law
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-19-2006, 05:36 AM
 
 
Sponsored Links

Legal Help, Information and Resources