Results 1 to 5 of 5

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Sister Planning to Move With Child, but I Think She is an Unfit Mother

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Mexico

    My sister uses meth - she has an addiction, although it's not nearly as severe as it was back half a year ago. She is moving out of State (CA) next week for a job and will be moving with her boyfriend, who also uses it. She claims he has not done drugs in a year, but I can think of two times in the past 2-3 months that she has pretty much blurted out to me that they were going to his house to do just that. This guy also has a history of selling meth (he went to prison for it less than a year ago). For obvious reasons, we do not want him around the baby. Right now, she is sleeping a lot and showing the signs of withdrawal. She may stay clean for a couple weeks, but I know she will relapse. It's happened before. She plans on moving the baby to CA with her after a couple months, once she's received a few paychecks and is settled in. Problem is, I know that moving away and getting a job will not make everything better, as she seems to think. I know she will continue to use drugs.

    My parents are going to to try and stop her from taking the baby away. She and the baby moved in with us about 6 months ago, so we all see first hand how she is as a parent. More times than not, our parents are home in the morning, so they wake up with the baby. On the days that they are not home, it's her job to wake up with him, but she does not bother to get out of bed, even though I know he tries to wake/get her out of bed. He wanders into my room after a while and wakes me up. He rarely sleeps past 8:30, and he always comes into my room past 9:00. I am left to wonder how long he is left unattended until he wakes me up. There have been a few times that he's had a dirty diaper and it takes her 20+ minutes to get off her butt and change it. She does not watch him - instead she just sits on the sofa and watches tv or plays around on her phone while he runs around. My parents and I do not trust her to be watching him alone, as there have been times in the past when we it was just her and the baby indoors, with the rest of us outside, and she has just crawled into bed and left the baby to do whatever. I walked in one time, and the baby had a pair of scissors pointed up at his face while he ran around the house.

    Her son's father was injured on a dirt bike a few months back, and has not paid child support since then. He is now working part time and is putting other bills before my sister's CS. He also only sees the child twice a month (4 days total), which I imagine will look really bad for him if they go to court regarding her moving the child out of state. He is not exactly the most involved father and is not very interested in his son. By his own choice he sees the baby every other weekend. He never calls in between to check up on him. Until his accident in October or November, he paid child support on time every month (but still chose to see the child just every other week). He has not paid child support since that accident. For the first 2-3 months or so, it was because he was not working at all. My sister was understanding. But in the past 2 months, he has in fact been working and has been prioritizing other bills before my sister's CS. My sister has said that she won't take legal action against him regarding the CS, because if they go to court over her moving the baby out out of state, it'll look better for her.

    The baby is very attached to my parents and I - especially my mom and I. He does not view my sister as his mother, simply because she does not spend a great deal of time with him. Even though she's home quite a bit, she's either sleeping, awake but in bed, or sitting there in front of the tv. The safest and best place for him is with us. My mom and I take excellent care of this child - and one or both of us are always home to look after him. My sister absolutely can't take him 600+ miles away, where we have NO idea how he's being taken care of. I mean, it's not like she's physically abusive, and she and her boyfriend aren't like hardcore tweakers... But that's not the point. Her drug usage prevents her from being a good mom and it's not safe.

    The child's father is another issue. His lack of interest in being a full time (or even a "part time") parent is very worrisome. My sister has told me that on one weekend that he had his son, the girl next door was babysitting him, despite the fact that he (the father) was doing nothing that would render him unable to keep an eye on the baby. He was just hanging out with his friends at his house and probably thought the baby was bothersome. Or he will drop him off with an older couple (the man of which had cancer last year and is quite feeble because of that). We feel very uncomfortable with this. I feel as if custody went to him, the baby would just be bounced from person to person - many of which he is not familar with and aren't family. Here, right now, the baby is very happy and safe, because of my parents and I. My sister is not a good mom, and the child's father -- while not a bad parent -- is not cut out to be a dad. He doesn't seem to want to be. It almost seems as if the baby is a burden to him. I am terrified that if the father tells my sister, "No, you can't take the baby out of state," that she'll threaten to have him garnished and that he will give in. I can kind of see him doing that, too, given his attitude towards being a parent.

    If you were to point all of this out to my sister, she would say you're just overreacting and that no court would take custody away. She pretty much said that the other night to our dad, when he told her that he would not let her take the baby so easily. She also said that he can't prove she is using meth. But trust me, we are not overreacting about anything. I am worried to the point of feeling ill, and I can only imagine how my parents feel. Is there anything that can be done? Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Sister Planning to Move Child Oos, but I Think She is an Unfit Mother

    Quote Quoting ada
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Mexico

    My sister uses meth - she has an addiction, although it's not nearly as severe as it was back half a year ago. She is moving out of State (CA) next week for a job and will be moving with her boyfriend, who also uses it. She claims he has not done drugs in a year, but I can think of two times in the past 2-3 months that she has pretty much blurted out to me that they were going to his house to do just that. This guy also has a history of selling meth (he went to prison for it less than a year ago). For obvious reasons, we do not want him around the baby. Right now, she is sleeping a lot and showing the signs of withdrawal. She may stay clean for a couple weeks, but I know she will relapse. It's happened before. She plans on moving the baby to CA with her after a couple months, once she's received a few paychecks and is settled in. Problem is, I know that moving away and getting a job will not make everything better, as she seems to think. I know she will continue to use drugs.

    So, what did child services say when they were informed of Mom's drug use?



    My parents are going to to try and stop her from taking the baby away

    They cannot do that.

    . She and the baby moved in with us about 6 months ago, so we all see first hand how she is as a parent. More times than not, our parents are home in the morning, so they wake up with the baby. On the days that they are not home, it's her job to wake up with him, but she does not bother to get out of bed, even though I know he tries to wake/get her out of bed. He wanders into my room after a while and wakes me up. He rarely sleeps past 8:30, and he always comes into my room past 9:00. I am left to wonder how long he is left unattended until he wakes me up. There have been a few times that he's had a dirty diaper and it takes her 20+ minutes to get off her butt and change it. She does not watch him - instead she just sits on the sofa and watches tv or plays around on her phone while he runs around. My parents and I do not trust her to be watching him alone, as there have been times in the past when we it was just her and the baby indoors, with the rest of us outside, and she has just crawled into bed and left the baby to do whatever. I walked in one time, and the baby had a pair of scissors pointed up at his face while he ran around the house.

    So what did child services say when they were informed of Mom's neglect?



    Her son's father was injured on a dirt bike a few months back, and has not paid child support since then. He is now working part time and is putting other bills before my sister's CS. He also only sees the child twice a month (4 days total), which I imagine will look really bad for him if they go to court regarding her moving the child out of state.

    ....every other weekend is often standard visitation.


    He is not exactly the most involved father and is not very interested in his son. By his own choice he sees the baby every other weekend.
    Again, often standard visitation for a non-custodial parent.


    He never calls in between to check up on him. Until his accident in October or November, he paid child support on time every month (but still chose to see the child just every other week). He has not paid child support since that accident. For the first 2-3 months or so, it was because he was not working at all. My sister was understanding. But in the past 2 months, he has in fact been working and has been prioritizing other bills before my sister's CS. My sister has said that she won't take legal action against him regarding the CS, because if they go to court over her moving the baby out out of state, it'll look better for her.

    She's wrong.


    The baby is very attached to my parents and I - especially my mom and I. He does not view my sister as his mother, simply because she does not spend a great deal of time with him. Even though she's home quite a bit, she's either sleeping, awake but in bed, or sitting there in front of the tv. The safest and best place for him is with us. My mom and I take excellent care of this child - and one or both of us are always home to look after him. My sister absolutely can't take him 600+ miles away, where we have NO idea how he's being taken care of. I mean, it's not like she's physically abusive, and she and her boyfriend aren't like hardcore tweakers... But that's not the point. Her drug usage prevents her from being a good mom and it's not safe.
    Please read below.


    The child's father is another issue. His lack of interest in being a full time (or even a "part time") parent is very worrisome. My sister has told me that on one weekend that he had his son, the girl next door was babysitting him, despite the fact that he (the father) was doing nothing that would render him unable to keep an eye on the baby. He was just hanging out with his friends at his house and probably thought the baby was bothersome. Or he will drop him off with an older couple (the man of which had cancer last year and is quite feeble because of that). We feel very uncomfortable with this. I feel as if custody went to him, the baby would just be bounced from person to person - many of which he is not familar with and aren't family. Here, right now, the baby is very happy and safe, because of my parents and I. My sister is not a good mom, and the child's father -- while not a bad parent -- is not cut out to be a dad. He doesn't seem to want to be. It almost seems as if the baby is a burden to him. I am terrified that if the father tells my sister, "No, you can't take the baby out of state," that she'll threaten to have him garnished and that he will give in. I can kind of see him doing that, too, given his attitude towards being a parent.

    If you were to point all of this out to my sister, she would say you're just overreacting and that no court would take custody away. She pretty much said that the other night to our dad, when he told her that he would not let her take the baby so easily. She also said that he can't prove she is using meth. But trust me, we are not overreacting about anything. I am worried to the point of feeling ill, and I can only imagine how my parents feel. Is there anything that can be done? Any advice would be appreciated.


    Please understand that I'm only being honest here.

    The child is either at risk, or not.

    Mom is either fit, or she's not.

    The fact that child services evidently have NOT been involved, speaks volumes. Without proof of neglect or abuse your parents (and you) have nothing at all. But perhaps more troublesome is that if there IS proof of neglect or abuse, you've all allowed it to take place. In the eyes of the court, you could be deemed equally unfit.

    Your parents - and you - cannot prevent Mom from relocating wherever she wants to go. ONLY the court can do that, and there must be compelling evidence for that to happen.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Sister Planning to Move Child Oos, but I Think She is an Unfit Mother

    Thanks for the response. I'll show this to my parents.


    No, we haven't informed CPS. When we found out, a couple months before she and baby moved in with us, we had next to no knowledge about addiction and thought she could overcome this herself. But it's just dragged on and on and on for the past half-year. The main reason no one has gone to CPS is simply because of the fear that we were terrified that we'd never see the baby but every once in a while. I think the thought of potentially not having contact with the child, just about killed my parents. And I realize, now, how horribly selfish and irresponsible that sounds. But it's now at the point where, the day before yesterday, my dad said that he would probably end up going to authorities with this information, even if it meant the father getting custody and us no longer getting to see the child. The father doesn't know about her meth use as well, but I imagine he will very soon, as my parents are planning on speaking to him within the next week or two (around the time my sister leaves).

    Do I think the child is at risk now, at this moment? No. Now that we see how my sister is, she is never left alone with him. That's obviously not going to be the case if she does in fact take the child to CA.

    As for the father... Him seeing the child every 2 weeks, not checking up on him in between that, and not paying her CS in about 4 months isn't going to be a huge factor in the event that they go to court over her moving the child out of State? Because that's what she firmly believes.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Sister Planning to Move Child Oos, but I Think She is an Unfit Mother

    Quote Quoting ada
    View Post
    Thanks for the response. I'll show this to my parents.


    No, we haven't informed CPS. When we found out, a couple months before she and baby moved in with us, we had next to no knowledge about addiction and thought she could overcome this herself. But it's just dragged on and on and on for the past half-year. The main reason no one has gone to CPS is simply because of the fear that we were terrified that we'd never see the baby but every once in a while. I think the thought of potentially not having contact with the child, just about killed my parents. And I realize, now, how horribly selfish and irresponsible that sounds. But it's now at the point where, the day before yesterday, my dad said that he would probably end up going to authorities with this information, even if it meant the father getting custody and us no longer getting to see the child. The father doesn't know about her meth use as well, but I imagine he will very soon, as my parents are planning on speaking to him within the next week or two (around the time my sister leaves).

    Do I think the child is at risk now, at this moment? No. Now that we see how my sister is, she is never left alone with him. That's obviously not going to be the case if she does in fact take the child to CA.

    As for the father... Him seeing the child every 2 weeks, not checking up on him in between that, and not paying her CS in about 4 months isn't going to be a huge factor in the event that they go to court over her moving the child out of State? Because that's what she firmly believes.


    Seriously, if Dad objects to the move (which he should), he has a great chance of preventing the child from being relocated. Because if he fights, it then becomes Mom's job to prove how the move is in the child's best interest (not HERS).

    Honestly standard visitation is EOW - every other weekend - with, at times, one night or evening per week (depending on the age of the child). Child support really isn't the issue here.

    Please don't get me wrong - I do understand how your parents feel. But this is about the child. And if the child is at risk, CPS does need to be involved.

    Neither you nor your parents have standing to do anything (in terms of custody or preventing Mom from relocating) at this point. IF CPS are involved, your parents or yourself can offer to take the child...but Dad will be first in line, and again, the fact that this has gone on (allegedly) for so long and nobody has done anything yet really doesn't bode well for you.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Sister Planning to Move Child Oos, but I Think She is an Unfit Mother

    I see. Thank you.

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Similar Threads

  1. Emancipation: Can I Move Out if My Mother Won't Help With My Child
    By lala809 in forum Juvenile Law
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-16-2011, 07:55 PM
  2. Child Neglect: Unfit Mother and Fear for Child's Safety
    By BConcerned123 in forum Abuse and Neglect
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 10-30-2010, 06:00 PM
  3. Father of Child Claims Mental Illness Makes Mother "Unfit"
    By Revlonstar9 in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-18-2009, 04:30 PM
  4. Child Neglect: Unfit Mother
    By katee in forum Abuse and Neglect
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-01-2008, 11:59 AM
  5. Unfit Mother Leaves with Child
    By Concerned Sister/Aunt in forum Child Custody, Support and Visitation
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-24-2008, 04:45 PM
 
 
Sponsored Links

Legal Help, Information and Resources