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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    3

    Default Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois. I have a five year old child and am with the father though unmarried. We have stayed together throughout the years, because I wanted it to work, and he always threatened to file for full custody if I ever left. I have tried ending our relationship many times, but stayed with him out of fear of losing my child, as he claims I am unstable because I am always changing my mind about being with him, which is very true. I fear he has saved numerous "break-up letters," emails, and text messages i have written to him over the years which may paint me as a "psycho." I may be an unstable girlfriend, but I have always felt forced to stay with him. Please help. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    NONE of those things prove that you're unfit to parent your child. He's blowing smoke.

    What is much more important is who has been the primary caregiver to your child. For example...are you a stay-at-home Mom?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    thank you so much. Yes, i am a stay at home mom, in my mid-20's. He is the moneymaker, i was a part-time bartender for the past 4 years. I know that he would say anything to paint me in the most unflattering way. A drunk, (I would drink at work sometimes, but my child was always at home with him or a responsible adult and sleeping), Unstable, (being that i go back and forth if i want to leave or work things out), and anything else you could possibly say about a woman who has had doubts for so long. I am my child's rock, and I'm not just saying that because I am the mom. I do want to try to work things out, because our child loves both parents and is very very happy, healthy and smart. Our child has not been affected by our relationship troubles. I am just afraid of what will happen if we do not work out. I know he has spoken to a lawyer before when i was wanting to leave, claiming the above.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    Honestly, to gain full custody at this point he's going to have to prove that you're unfit...and frankly, nothing you have said here indicates that's the case.

    Drinking? Not illegal. Even being a rampant alcoholic isn't illegal. So if you want out of the relationship, get out of it. Don't be bullied, don't be threatened.

    See the situation from an objective point of view:

    He works, yes? And leaves kiddo with you? Unsupervised? Then he is telling the court that he considers you an absolutely fit parent. He can't really change his mind now and claim that you're unfit unless you're actively endangering your child.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    thank you for your perspective, it was something i really needed to hear. And indeed, you are absolutely correct.

    also, i sent you a private message, but it doesnt come up in my sent items. I wonder if it didnt go through??

  6. #6

    Default Re: Afraid He Will Claim Unfit Mother if I Leave

    My ex did this as well. It is abuse! He is abusing you mentally. Remind yourself, just because you weren't a great girlfriend, doesn't mean you're not a great mom.

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