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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    2

    Default Suing Parents for Sexual Abuse by Brother As a Child

    My question involves injury or loss that occurred in the state of: California, Alamenda Co.

    I was sexually abused between the ages of 8-11 as a child by my older brother. He was sent to a state mental hospital in his mid-teens after numerous criminal acts (not including the abuse to me) where he was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. He is currently living in a half-way house in Utah under 24 hour psychiatric care. My parents have refused to acknowledge or apologize for the abuse that I suffered and have even gone so far as to ban me from family gatherings, so that I won't "stir anything up". I've researched filing criminal charges, but from what I understand, since my brother is already under psychiatric care, not much would come of it; I'm wondering if I can sue my parents for neglect?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Suing Parents for Sexual Abuse by Brother As a Child

    How old are you NOW? How old was he THEN? For a civil case based on damages, there is a VERY short statute of limitations (only a couple of years), and you'd be bringing a case against a third party, which means that some of the special things that would extend that time due to the nature of the case, won't apply.

    What evidence will you submit to show that your parents both KNEW about the type and frequency of the abuse, AND that they took NO steps to prevent it? To whom ELSE was the abuse reported?

    The really big question, if the possibility to sue even exists is this: What is it that you want to accomplish by suing? They can't be forced to utter an apology. If you win a financial award, you'll still have to go through the additional steps of collecting or leining property (meaning you wouldn't get the money until the property sold or they passed away and the probate for their estate was completed, an estate you'd likely have gotten part of anyway).

    What is the opinion of your therapist on how emotionally equipped you may be at this point to sit in a courtroom full of people and be grilled about EXACTLY what happened, who you told about it at the time, etc?

    This isn't the type of thing that one takes on willy nilly. It's the type of thing one discuses AT LENGTH with a counseling professional after some CONSIDERABLE length and depth of inner work before determining whether the time, money (attorneys don't take these cases on contingency), and the emotional toll is worth any potential outcome, or, whether that time and energy would have better use on your own inner work.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Suing Parents for Sexual Abuse by Brother As a Child

    I'm 38 now; the abuse happened between the ages of 8-11. I never told anyone of the abuse, although I believe my parents had strong suspicions. My brother was in a lot of other legal trouble at the time - juvenile crimes, etc. I'm not really looking for an apology anymore from my parents - I just want them to acknowledge that it happened and I want them to realize that they are wrong for dismissing it now. Other than attorney fee's, I'm not looking to get rich off of this; I just want some justice. I have seen so many therapists over the last 20 years - nothing ever feels resolved and anytime I try to talk to my parents about it, they just dismiss it and tell me that I'm being "over dramatic". My younger sister was also abused, although I don't know how much help she would be; but we both were in therapy for quite some time.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Suing Parents for Sexual Abuse by Brother As a Child

    you have gone way too long to be able to bring suit against anybody.

    Especially since you state you never alerted your parents to the situation nor do you know they were actually aware, even if within a time limit allowing a suit, they didn't allow anything to happen.

    I just want them to acknowledge that it happened and I want them to realize that they are wrong for dismissing it now.
    Even if this was 20 years ago, the courts still could not force them to acknowledge the issue nor to realize it is improper to dismiss the issue when you address them.

    this is simply something you need to continue to work with your therapist to overcome. It sounds like the therapist is trying to place blame on your parents for your problems. That is a very bad direction to steer you unless there is actually something to blame them for. As it is, there isn't/

  5. #5

    Default Re: Suing Parents for Sexual Abuse by Brother As a Child

    I agree with JK. If you had wanted to bring a suit against your brother, who actually committed the acts, you'd have had until age 26 to do so. For a suit against your parents, which would be a third party liability case, you'd have to have brought suit within 2 years - and that case would only have any reasonable chance of going anywhere is you could prove that you explicitly made clear to them what was going on, and AFTER that point they knowingly allowed the activity to happen - neither of which happened.

    I'm very sorry to tell you that given the circumstances you describe, there's no case against your parents here, even IF there weren't the automatic disqualifications due to the expired statute of limitations. And, from a more practical perspective, regardless of the topic, you simply cannot force people to believe that which they don't want to believe, even with a lawsuit, even with every possible piece of evidence (denial being the most common defense mechanism - it's much easier for them to deny that anything happened, than to have to potentially face the idea that they failed to protect you, and it's apparantly a defense mechanism they've been using for decades, so hope for that to change is likely to be woefully displaced). One simply cannot get water from a stone, even at an emotional level.

    Having many therapists over a long period of time is a common issues for childhood survivors of sexual trauma. This can happen when clients move on too early because things start "hitting home" or the emotional pain intensifies, or, when a blockade is reached where the therapists feels their rapport or skill level has taken the client as far as they are capable, at which time discussion turns to "let me make a referral". Realistically in therapy on these issues, things actually tend to get a lot WORSE, before they'll start to get better. The worst happens fast, the better happens slow. Therapy is also problematic in the sense that many seeking assistance have misguided anticipation of what therapy can help them to accomplish - something that can be mitigated, but never eliminated, by the therapist who is aware of the fundamentals early in the therapeutic relationship. If individual therapy isn't/hasn't been beneficial to you, I urge you to keep trying because this really isn't something that self-help can address meaningfully over time. If you need a break from therapy for a while, then investigate alternate support, such as support groups, either in person or online (like pandys.org) or both, coupled with some of the better books on these issues by authors like Caren Adams, the Levenkrons, Jody Davies, or Beverly Engel, until you're ready to try again.

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