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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Woodsville, New Hampshire, United States
    Posts
    14

    Default How to Prevent Long-Distance Overnight Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NH

    My children's father will soon be moving about 100 miles away to move in with his girlfriend. He wants over night visits as a result of that rather than the few hour visits he currently takes every 5th week or so. Our court order (dated April 2008) states he is to have supervised visits in my home only unless we both agree on a different arrangement. The children are 13, 10, 4 & 2.
    I allowed him a 2/3 months of over nights unsupervised on weekends which ended about 7/8 months ago due to unsafe conditions. His anger at the children was escalating, he slept in until the afternoon while the children ran around unattended, and the baby kept coming home with diaper rash every weekend. Finally, he was unsure if the younger 2 children had taken a narcotic prescribed to his son. His first ex-wife called me to tell me about it as she had overheard the 4 year old telling his son that she had taken his pill. He wasn't going to even tell me about it! I drove them to the hospital on no sleep after 2 12 hour night shifts because he refused to seek help or even call poison control. The ER told me that they would have had seizures, heart failure and could have died if they had taken the pills. They had to be treated with charcoal and the 2 year old had to be catheterized to test for the drug.

    I allow him to call and make arrangements to see the children when he wishes to liberally. I have only denied him 2 times in the past 2 1/2 years due to plans I had already made. If he wishes to pick up the girls each day of the weekend he can, I see no reason that they should have to sleep on a floor, couch, or in their fathers bed when he can drop them off at bedtime and pick them up the following day if he so desires.
    He has had anger/violence issues in the past with the children. He also has a son that is 16 and has a restraining order against him on behalf of the girls for his violent behavior. He wants them to be able to see him. He has hurt all of them but the youngest as he hasn't been allowed contact with her except by the father against my wishes on his overnights that he had been having.

    My questions are these:
    Does he stand a chance at modifying the visitation?
    Does he have to prove that overnights will be beneficial to the children or do I have to prove that they are potentially harmful to them?

    I honestly don't know if his petition will even make it past a judge or if it will be dismissed due to all of the other documentation already in his/our files, I would just like to know what to prepare for.
    Thank you for reading this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Help

    1. You had supervised visitation...then went against the court order and allowed unsupervised visitation but then went back to supervised, yes?

    Why was it ordered supervised?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Woodsville, New Hampshire, United States
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Help

    1. You had supervised visitation...then went against the court order and allowed unsupervised visitation but then went back to supervised, yes?

    Why was it ordered supervised?


    It was a mutually agreed stipulation and what we followed for some time after our divorce. It was written that way because when we first divorced his behavior was unacceptable. His mood swings and anger were not a good thing for our children to see and he saw it was harmful to the children and agreed to my wishes of supervision. I allowed some unsupervised visitation when he stabilized out. It went well so I agreed to some over nights on the weekends. I quickly saw the over nights were not working out for the children and so stopped them.
    Nothing was ever modified so on paper yes, it's still states supervised visitation, though it does say as stated above that we can agree to have his visitation differently arranged if we both agree.
    At the moment I don't see a need for supervision as he doesn't spend enough time with the children to get angry at them. He picks them up approximately once every 5 weeks for a few hours and usually has his girlfriend with him. He's on his best behavior with her so I don't feel they are unsafe for those times.
    It's all about the children having a good time when they are with their father and having positive parenting time with him. I just don't believe the overnights are necessary or a positive thing for the children.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Help

    I fear you're not going to like my response.

    The burden will be upon you to prove to the court why overnights would be harmful to the children.

    I'll be honest - most (if not all) of the concerns you listed won't matter in court.

    It is OK for the older kids to look after the smaller ones if Dad sleeps later and for the kids to sleep on the couch, or a mattress or airbed on the floor, or in Dad's bed. One incidence of a possible accidental drug ingestion is not going to count for much at all. And perhaps more importantly, Dad has very little parenting time as it is - the court will be inclined to give him more and that will include overnights.

    He doesn't need to show a change in circumstances, either, and frankly overnights are standard. They may not happen immediately but eventually the likelihood is that the kids will be spending unsupervised overnights and even entire weeks with their father.

    Finally, the goal isn't for the kids to have a good time at Dad's, necessarily. It's to spend time with him as a family - and with that, will come stress, anger and all of the other emotions.

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