Children's Father is Deceased, How Can I Designate Custody of My Children if I Die

[rjhart]

I live in PA. My sons are 15, 13 and 11. Their father died in June. I am unmarried but have a live-in boyfriend for the past 8 years. Can I designate him or anyone else as custodian in the event of my death even though their father has living family? They have hardly any relationship with their father's family and many of them do not speak English and reside out of the country 6 months out of the year. Can I protect my children from being taken by their father's family in the event of my death? I have legal family (next of kin) but have not spoken to any of them in many years, I also do not want my children in their care. Is it even worth contacting an attorney at a high financial cost or is it impossible to do what I wish?

[Mr. Knowitall]

You can designate a preferred guardian in your will; you should generally also designate a successor. Your preference doesn't bind a court reviewing your children's situation after your death, but courts generally respect the parent's wishes. You should, of course, discuss your plans with your proposed guardians and be sure that they will be willing to care for your children. If there are people whom you don't want to assume custody, some advise writing a letter (a thoughtful, balanced letter, avoiding insults or invective) explaining your reasoning and keeping it in the same location as your will.

[PQN]

Or you could marry your live-in and have him adopt the children, then if you died, they'd automatically stay with him.