Youch! You guys made me cringe.. But thanks guys for the input. I do understand there is a fine line existing as the step-parent and staying in the background. I meant to respond sooner, but I don't want to come across as a "subborn step-mom who doesn't get the point." I think I need to find a non-crazy "step mom" forum to to vent on some subjects, LOL! I think I interchanged between the terms “we” and “my husband” too liberally. Here’s clarification: I DO NOT text, email, call or in any other way contact the mother unless my husband has been unsuccessful and/or instructs me to do so. I have learned to redirect the mother’s questions and inquiries to my husband when stuck in one-on-one situations with her. Since I work in the mother’s hometown, it makes it easier on my husband and me if I act as chauffer. It exposes me to more than I wish, seriously.

Also, I am on this forum to help my husband. I am more internet and research savvy. He easily gets frustrated with the legal jargon, interpretation, and research, what’s legit and what’s not. There is a lot of gray area to him in this field. I can do it faster and more efficient and then relay it to him.This also applies to email and anything technology based. Yes, this is definitely his responsibility to research and I always discuss my findings to him. Right now, we'll take all the freebees we can when it comes to legal paperwork and research.

Now, back to the responses:

Right now, between the parents, they do not deal with each other unless they have to. I have even discovered this includes getting the state involved for assistance on her part. One thing I do know is that my husband hasn’t seriously pursued a custody or a modification of support order because he does not want to, in short, “piss off” the mother, complicate things, and potentially jeopardize his relationship with his son forever. The term “letting well enough alone” and “don’t ruin a good thing” comes to mind for both her and the court system. We're both aware this could potentially kick him in the butt if he does go to court... (said lack of taking action...)

With that being said, it causes me to look deeper into 61.13(3) based on the living situation and lifestyle of both parties.

Part (a): The mother has always been the custodial parent. It has seemed the most reasonable option up until recently due to the father's line of work. If you don’t live in a very rural setting, it might be hard to understand. The mother allows the son to visit the father whenever the son wishes. This has been turning into almost every weekend and well over 50% of non-school days. This is my stickler and I think it would pose an issue in court, but that’s why I am here asking: The transportation burden is always put on the father. There is nothing on file stating the transportation responsibility. My husband has informed his son (since the mother allows this) that when he has decided to (or not to) visit a parent, he will be stuck with that decision upon father/wife’s return to the mother’s hometown since it is so far away. Example: I proceed to pick up the son as planned Friday 2-3 hours after work has ended, the son has unexpectedly decided to stay with the mother and informs both parties at pickup time, I go home without the son, the mother calls the next day telling the father the son wants to be picked up. The scenario has turned the other way a time or two as well in which the son has been picked up and then changes his mind to go back to his mother’s after traveling to the other residence. Is the father seen as overbearing and not allowing access? Or is it seen as a form of discipline and responsibility??? Is the refusal of the mother to transport the son, despite receiving support, lack of financial means, or ability to transport, have anything to do with this? My opinion doesn't count... but, I think the parents need to stick to a plan. When I get off of work, I ready to go home... But, at the same time, I know, it comes with being a step-parent, sigh... feeling defeated...

Part (b): There is no doubt the love and affection between the child and respective parent.

Part (c): Mother: receives Medicaid (free medical and dental), Child Support, donations from local church. Father: Due to father’s line of work, it is more cost effective to have wife/stepmother pay for health insurance. If requested, wife can cover step-son on policy with additional insurance premium. Father takes part in purchase of school clothes and supplies, etc.

Part (d): Mother: and children have lived in six different places in under two years. Reasons for relocation consist of breakups, HRS, love interests, drama and safer child environment. She has informed me that she is at the current residence because it is the only place she has available to keep the children warm. Father: has maintained same relationship since child was born, married, moved only due to wife’s college/job situations.

Part (e) Already stated in previous post. Need a better understanding of the legal definition of permanence?

Part (f) They’re both morally fit… Naturally, opinions abound…

Part (g) Both parents seem mentally and physically fit. However, the mother could use some more meat on her bones and some dental reconstruction. I know, I know… I’m not a doctor…

Part (h) Mother’s home: son has noted anger problems, excitable at school to the point of required disciplinary action, no known extracurricular community events, on the verge of required counseling. Father’s home: No noted anger problems, typical boy as other family boys, involved with community activities and events.

Part (i) The son is 8 years old… he’s stated a preference, but it’s not one of those possible outcomes.

Part (j) Father has several means of providing communication to the mother. Father does take care not to express feelings regarding mother in presence of son. Close to impossible for father to get in touch with mother due to disconnected phone lines, etc. Mother has said questionable things directly to son or within earshot… Naturally this would lead up to a he-said, she-said debate that’s probably not worth going through. Father has been able to provide transportation, mother has not.

Part (k) No known domestic violence on either part, however, the mother’s “significant other” is questionable.

Part (l) No known records on either part

My husband knows almost for a fact that the mother will not relinquish her role as custodial parent despite the children’s living conditions, nor go without a fight on a modification of support (decrease). We’re talking about poverty versus middle class. Don't get me wrong, my observations of her show her being a very loving parent. But other times... it's hard to see a child go without or keep my composure, not to mention my husband's! See examples AND clarifications below:

SUSPENDED LICENSE: The mother has run at the mouth and explicitly stated she has had a suspended license. It is known that she’s regained it, lost it, back and forth. My husband isn’t responsible for knowing the status of her license. However, when asked by my husband whether or not to meet halfway, her response is typically she does not have the financial means. No one said she had to be the driver.

JOB & SUPPORT: My husband is out of a job as well. But does the reason for unemployment play a factor? I’m just speaking on the terms of character and reasons for non-work history… This leads to: How long must my husband wait before he can apply for a modification of support? I know the state does it automatically every three years. If he were to continue pursuing work away from home, yes he could potentially earn the same income, but then it would compromise the time he spends with his son and his chance at custody. Must my husband rough it out another year with hardly any income but yet still make the same support payment, even if he is getting his son almost half the year? It’s the fragile balance between keeping up on enormous support payments, no work, and chance losing his license due to the support payments. How far back in work history does the state look into the “potential income”? If the state looks back too far, he’d be forced to work overseas again due to a high obligation, which then would compromise the father/son relationship and custody as well.

REASONABLE TIMING: My husband, nor I, care where the mother is. In my defense on the previous post and sake of court argument, how accessible is one parent required to be to the other when it comes to the health and welfare of the child? There was an incident at school and that is what brought up the question. The teacher actually got in touch with me after I emailed her about dropping off permission slips, so I got in touch with my husband to let him do the footwork. There was another situation where both parties knew they had to plan around the child. The father made several timely attempts to contact the mother to make arrangements only to led on an immediate “wild goose chase” to meet her demands. Is it something the court frowns upon? And, also in my defense, circumstance has it that I go to the school for my husband due to location, planning, and budgeting. Due to this exposure the teacher has come to me since I was present and has asked for help from us in certain areas.

ALLEGATIONS: This goes along with the suspended license issue above. When the mother makes questionable statements, whether to my husband or I, regarding the environment the child is in, what should he do? File anonymous tips to the local law enforcement? Write everything down and act at a later date? Surely if law enforcement kept showing up to her place after she mentioned something to my husband or I, there is no doubt she’ll restrict visitation. All she has to do is “disappear” again.

CHILD RECORDS AND HISTORY: My husband is still learning his legal rights to his son. Simply stated, due to the complexity of the legal system, terminology, and ability to research, and financial position, and hence you find me on this forum with inquiries. I just recently informed him of FS 61.13(2)(b)3. Yes, I know, he needs to do it... sigh...

OTHER CHILD COSTS & CONCERNS: My husband and I have noticed an influx of field trip forms with fees. Regardless of how they find their way to us, my husband always speaks to the mother and typically she cannot afford the fees. The field trips usually occur once a month and average $5, no big deal. My question here… doesn’t this come into play somewhere??? Also, as required, I drop off the off the forms at the school and get confirmation from the teacher to make sure she acquired the materials. We’ve heard conflicting reports about the son's fieldtrip attendance and figure it best to send the money directly to the school. Since real-time communication and grades are more technology based these days, my husband again relies on me to get information and find school calendars, etc. The mother will seldom openly offer this information, and she as well is VERY technologically inept, sigh... Since he has been more vigorous for information, the teacher now calls my husband as well when she has problems with the son. Oh, and there are no “daycare costs” on either party. There is enough family and friends to go around, at least on my husband's side.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: Church is our own activity. The mother has expressed no concern over this. The parents discuss other activities, especially if there is a registration fee. The mother’s typical response is she cannot afford the fee, but the son can do it if he wishes.

Basically, my husband seeks to at least decrease his support amount since he is out of work and spends almost half the year with his son. I can see this happening. If there is a case here, he’d like to seek custody. However, he is afraid of ruining what he does have by not “letting well enough alone.” The mother allows the son to visit as the son wishes, even on days she wants to keep him. My husband has told the son he's welcome over anytime, but he's not going to run all over the world at any given minute to appease the son's wish to switch homes, I hope that makes sense... FS 61.13(3) really caught my eye and I have been trying to interpret it and apply it to this situation. And yes, he would be the one filing, it's not for me to drag him to the clerks office. However, if/when he does file, I already know that I'll be the one finding the forms for him if an attorney charges extra.

Based on the provided information, is there reason the court would grant fewer visitations to the father? Should he wait until the son comes of age? Are there other statutes that apply? I know the new HB 907 will cause some changes to help with the support amount. Must he file a UCCJEA affidavit or are the parents allowed to reach a mutual agreement (if at all possible) and file it on record? How would the courts view the son's "immediate wishes" to go to the other parent and the parental response? What if both parents are out of work, however, one household lives on the poverty level whereas the other does not, does the court system favor one versus the other? My husband and I both see a more stable environment and better potential to provide for the son. That potential will only increase when he does find sustainable local work.

Caught in the Middle