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    Default Parenting Time Expeditor Problem

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MN.

    Hi, this is my first post here. My daughter is 5 and because of contentious relationship with my ex and continued disagreements on mostly vacation/holiday parenting time our case was assigned a PTE on request of my ex in court.

    We have had her for about a year. My ex has brought two issues to her to resolve in the last few months.

    I feel that she is over-stepping her bounds as a PTE and is functioning more along the lines of a parenting time consultant.

    Here are my two issues with the decisions:

    1. Her first decision was regarding a week of vacation that my ex requested. I wanted to deny his request. My child is 5. My ex has NEVER had her in a family parenting situation as he left me when I was pregnant. Because of this, he was granted only every other weekend and one night/week for parenting time, in addition to the standard E/O holiday, etc. Our order states that we are both entitled to two weeks of uninterrupted parenting time per year. I attempted to deny my ex's request for his week of parenting time during a week in November when my daughter had school. He has NEVER had her for an entire week during the school year (has previously had her in the summers, etc.) I had a whole lot of concerns with this and brought this to the PTE -- the biggest of which my ex NEVER gives my daughter her scheduled medication when he has her for parenting time and he OFTEN drives her around without a booster seat (which is unsafe and illegal!!!!!) She granted his time anyway. I think that he legally was entitled to the time but that this was a very poor decision. This was her first decision in our case and I feel that she should have contacted her daycare provider, her teacher, her therapist (her therapist at least -- she knows both my ex and I and has been involved with both of us for extended periods of time) to find out whether or not they thought my ex was capable of caring for her appropriately for a week during school. What she did instead of that was wrote about 8 stipulations into her decision as to that my ex could have the time if he met all of the requirements I stated (including giving her her meds, putting her in a carseat, etc.) In addition to this, she called me with this decision ONE DAY before his vacation time that she granted was supposed to start. I feel that she needed to give me more notice on this and this was bad form.

    Also in this decision, she made a decision statement regarding what happens with making up weekends when one of us misses one regarding a holiday. She decided that whoever is missing the weekend gets to choose which weekend they want for a make up. This issue did NOT come up as far as any specific time my ex or I asked her to intervene for. I feel that because neither of us brought this issue to her, she was overstepping her bounds.

    2. Second decision: I requested a week of vacation time. She denied this on the basis that I did not give enough notice (which was per the order, and was fair.) However, in a phone call with her, she told me that she would not have granted the time when I wanted it anyway because the request included my ex's weekend. This is NOT a stipulation in our order. She argued that because I have my daughter most of the time, I shouldn't be interrupting his weekends. My argument in return was that our order does not put any stipulations on when I can take my vacation time (it also does not require me to allow him to make up a weekend, as an aside.) We had a big blowout over this. She again made her decision ONE DAY before my requested vacation time and denied it -- which made my daughter miss two parties and her science fair at school. She did not ask me if I had plans for my time with her. In addition to this, she moved my requested week of vacation forward by two days WITHOUT ASKING ME when I wanted my vacation week to be moved to. With this --- she is covering her ass, I think. She denied the time basically on what the order says (not enough notification) but she clearly wants to put stipulations on when I can take my time.

    I contacted her after she wrote her decision and told her that my daughter missed several events because of the untimeliness of her decision (she didn't respond to this) and that I wanted my vacation week moved to a different time which was several days later. She finally responded, 5 days later (which is the maximum that her contract states she has to respond) and now she is telling me that I can't have the week that I want because it interrupts two of my ex's weeknight visitation periods (which are not overnights -- they are from after school until bedtime.) I am still waiting the final decision letter on this one. I mean, seriously -- if I can't take my vacation time on my ex's weekend, OR on his weeknight visitation periods, WHEN CAN I TAKE IT? On my regular parenting time? And...what's the point of that?

    My ex and I have been in mediation over several of these issues. I specifically DISAGREED in mediation to have a stipulation placed that I could not have my vacation time over his weekends. I also DISAGREED that it should be specifically stated who gets to choose make-up weekends. Unfortunately, when we mediated our original order, I forgot to include that I didn't want my ex taking his vacation time when my daughter was in school (she was in preschool at the time, so it slipped by me. I meant to have this addressed.)

    Here is the rest of the drama. I googled this PTE's name and found out that she had been practicing as a GAL in another state in the past several years. She has been accused of awarding custody to abusive fathers (mothers have come forward that this has happened to) and being very father-biased. I brought this up to her and asked her to explain (well, initially she didn't return my call, but when I got her on the phone, I asked about it again). First, she completely denied it -- said it must have been somebody with the same name -- then I told her that this message board that this was posted on specifically referenced a GAL with her name that was also working in alternate dispute resolution in my County, MN. She had no response for me. Denial is a river in Egypt ....

    I also asked her for her resume and qualifications including whether or not she was barred/disbarred, etc. She chose not to respond to this email. When I got her on the phone today she told me that she was not a lawyer. In MN, the standards for ADR people are extremely low -- they only need 40 hours of education. I asked her for this information again. I feel like I have a right to know who is making decisions for me and my daughter and not providing this information is substantially less than transparent, which is NOT acceptable for a public servant.

    I am not sure that she has technically broken my order so I don't know if I should go to court and attempt to have her order overturned. I do want to complain to her to the ADR ethics board re: her lateness, her failure to investigate the case, her failure to explain this message board situation including allegations of being biased, and her unwillingness to provide me with her qualifications.

    Any advice? Seriously, this person seems like a crackpot and I don't want her involved in my case at all. It especially scares me with the whole other moms losing custody thing.

    Thank you, so much, in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem --

    I attempted to deny my ex's request for his week of parenting time during a week in November when my daughter had school. He has NEVER had her for an entire week during the school year (has previously had her in the summers, etc.) I had a whole lot of concerns with this and brought this to the PTE -- the biggest of which my ex NEVER gives my daughter her scheduled medication when he has her for parenting time and he OFTEN drives her around without a booster seat (which is unsafe and illegal!!!!!) She granted his time anyway.
    What could the other party have done to convince you of their sincerity?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem --

    Quote Quoting danielpalos
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    What could the other party have done to convince you of their sincerity?
    What does this have to do with my questions?

    The point is my ex has a history of this (or, if you are going to argue his side, that I am claiming he has a history of this) and the PTE did not investigate my claims as to whether they were valid.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem --

    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
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    What does this have to do with my questions?

    The point is my ex has a history of this (or, if you are going to argue his side, that I am claiming he has a history of this) and the PTE did not investigate my claims as to whether they were valid.
    I don't claim to be a lawyer. It was more for the sake of the domestic tranquility, in the future.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem

    daniel, thank you for your replies.

    Re: permission for the expeditor to contact 3rd parties, she has all of the necessary releases signed to do so. She did not do this.

    Regarding timeliness of her decisions: I did not bring these decisions to the expeditor. My ex did. I cannot remember the exact time frame, but he brought these to her a minimum of two weeks prior to the time period that was in dispute. Per her contract she has 5 days for a response time. I can say that I did not hear from her in either of these instances within 5 days -- perhaps she talked to my ex. In both cases, she emailed us her decision statement one day before the time period that was in dispute, so, she took nearly two weeks.

    Regarding denial of parenting time, no, that issue has not come up. I don't do that. I think you are misunderstanding me. We are talking about a situation e.g. if one party has a holiday on another person's weekend, the person missing a weekend gets a make-up weekend. THIS issue has not come up and has never been brought to her for any time period, ever. She made a statement about this even though it was not specifically asked for.

    You said this: "You indicate that there's a long, problematic history between you and your ex- in relation to parenting time. It sounds to me like the parenting time expeditor wants you to schedule your vacations so as to have the minimum possible impact on your ex's parenting time." -- Yes, that is exactly what she wants. Well, here is the deal. She allowed my ex an entire week of vacation that was on my parenting time (which I already stated I did not support) -- That week was pretty much ALL my time. So, why does she get to put a stipulation on when I can take MY vacation time? THAT is a double standard. There is nothing that states that one of our vacation periods has priority over the other. If he can take my time, I should be able to take his time. Fair is fair. She is saying that he can take my time, but I can't take his. This is another reason why I think she is biased. Re: notification for our vacation time periods -- there is a 15 day clause in there, so there really is not any short notice involved. Did my vacation time "need" to be over dad's weekend? No -- but WHY WOULD I WANT TO TAKE MY VACATION PERIOD ON WHAT IS ALREADY MY PARENTING TIME? That makes no sense. And, as I previously stated, I had plans.

    The science fair was an after school function. My ex did not take her. Daughter had two parties arranged, one on Saturday, one on Sunday. She didn't get to go. I did not tell the PTE I had any plans because it was irrelevant as she had already verbally given me her decision.

    You said -- "Vacation time is not "time I get to take the child away from the other parent" - that can be the effect, but vacation times are actually for vacations." So to that I say -- yeah, that's all well and good, but if my ex isn't taking a "vacation" and is going to work (which he did) and is taking my daughter in the middle of the school year for a week, then why am I unable to do the same?

    I'm not going back to court regarding this expeditor. I asked her to take herself off the case, which she said she would do. I find it disingenous that she won't tell me what her qualifications are. How does that work? I get sick, I see an ER doc ... I don't have a right to ask the physician where he went to medical school? Or, if he's board certified? How is this an inappropriate line of questioning? Why won't she answer? Regarding her costs -- she is $120/hour (split), which is an awful lot for somebody that hasn't been to law school, in my opinion. No, she's not as much as an attorney, but she's not cheap. And no, no CV. And nothing listed on her business website.

    Anyway.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem

    You have, by far, the majority of parenting time.

    You get to see your child basically every day, and every night bar two weekends and a couple of nights per month.

    I can see where the PTE is coming from.

    I also see something of a control issue and certainly at least a little "tit for tat" going on here.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Parenting Time Expeditor Problem

    Under Minnesota Statutes Sec. 518.1751, a Parenting Time Expeditor may be empowered to enforce, interpret, and clarify existing parenting time orders or addresses circumstances not specifically addressed by an existing parenting time order. Is your expeditor so empowered?
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    View Post
    Her first decision was regarding a week of vacation that my ex requested. I wanted to deny his request.
    You need to do more than express disapproval - if you wish to prevent a timely vacation request that is reasonable and permitted under the governing court orders, you need to present a valid reason why the vacation time request should be denied.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    He has NEVER had her for an entire week during the school year (has previously had her in the summers, etc.) I had a whole lot of concerns with this and brought this to the PTE
    And if any of those concerns are borne out, you'll have a valid argument next time around.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    the biggest of which my ex NEVER gives my daughter her scheduled medication when he has her for parenting time and he OFTEN drives her around without a booster seat
    As you indicate, she specifically addressed all of your concerns - she "wrote about 8 stipulations into her decision as to that [your] ex could have the time if he met all of the requirements [you] stated", "including giving her her meds, putting her in a carseat, etc."
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    This was her first decision in our case and I feel that she should have contacted her daycare provider, her teacher, her therapist... to find out whether or not they thought my ex was capable of caring for her appropriately for a week during school.
    There isn't much difference between caring for a child for a week of school and caring for a child for a week when she's out of school, save for the fact that she's in school during weekdays. If he's capable of the one, there's no reason to believe he's not capable of the other. Also, under the confidentiality provisions of Minnesota Statutes Sec. 518.1751, a parenting time expeditor can only contact third parties, including the children, with the written permission of both parties. Her role is not that of an investigator.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    In addition to this, she called me with this decision ONE DAY before his vacation time that she granted was supposed to start. I feel that she needed to give me more notice on this and this was bad form.
    You indicate later that this would have been within five days of your hearing on the issue. If you need more notice on parenting time disputes, it is best to bring them to hearing considerably before their scheduled start date.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    Also in this decision, she made a decision statement regarding what happens with making up weekends when one of us misses one regarding a holiday. She decided that whoever is missing the weekend gets to choose which weekend they want for a make up. This issue did NOT come up as far as any specific time my ex or I asked her to intervene for. I feel that because neither of us brought this issue to her, she was overstepping her bounds.
    This issue "did not come up" in that it was not specifically raised as an issue, but a complaint was made about parenting time denials? Or the expeditor brought it up even though nobody had made any mention at all of denials?

    Just so you know, what the expeditor described is a very common approach to parenting time denials. If the parent denying scheduled visitation gets to arbitrarily pick a day, why shouldn't that go both ways? Also, giving the parent who was denied parenting time the choice of days can be a powerful disincentive for the other parent to deny scheduled parenting time.

    But I assume you're not denying your ex- access, so this shouldn't be a problem for you.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    I requested a week of vacation time. She denied this on the basis that I did not give enough notice (which was per the order, and was fair.)
    Okay.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    However, in a phone call with her, she told me that she would not have granted the time when I wanted it anyway because the request included my ex's weekend. This is NOT a stipulation in our order.
    You indicate that there's a long, problematic history between you and your ex- in relation to parenting time. It sounds to me like the parenting time expeditor wants you to schedule your vacations so as to have the minimum possible impact on your ex's parenting time. Perhaps she perceives you as deliberately scheduling vacations that perhaps don't even involve going away, just to prevent your ex- from having his scheduled time. You're in a much better position than we are to try to figure out what she's thinking.

    I suspect that if you had a bona fide reason to travel over dad's weekend, e.g., to attend an out-of-state family reunion arranged by your relatives, to attend your grandparents' 50th anniversary, etc., the expeditor would approach things differently. Was there some reason your proposed vacation needed to be scheduled over the father's weekend? Did it involve travel out of the area? Was there a valid reason you announced it at the last minute - because if not, it could have looked a lot like "tit for tat" - "If you're going to take her on 'vacation' for a week during school, so am I - and when I do that I also get to take away one of your weekends."
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    She again made her decision ONE DAY before my requested vacation time and denied it -- which made my daughter miss two parties and her science fair at school.
    If she was in school, so were her friends, and she would have been there for her science fair. So how did she end up missing parties or the science fair?
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    She did not ask me if I had plans for my time with her.
    And you didn't tell her that you had any plans. Why not?
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    I contacted her after she wrote her decision and told her that my daughter missed several events because of the untimeliness of her decision (she didn't respond to this) and that I wanted my vacation week moved to a different time which was several days later. She finally responded, 5 days later (which is the maximum that her contract states she has to respond)
    Again, if you were the one who was late with your request, and you got her answer within five days of raising it, it's hard to see how she's to blame for any impact on your plans, and it remains unclear how your plans could have been affected.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    ...and now she is telling me that I can't have the week that I want because it interrupts two of my ex's weeknight visitation periods (which are not overnights -- they are from after school until bedtime.) I am still waiting the final decision letter on this one. I mean, seriously -- if I can't take my vacation time on my ex's weekend, OR on his weeknight visitation periods, WHEN CAN I TAKE IT? On my regular parenting time? And...what's the point of that?
    Vacation time is not "time I get to take the child away from the other parent" - that can be the effect, but vacation times are actually for vacations. This relates back to my earlier comment, it sounds like the expeditor perceives you as wanting to take away from dad, and is responding to that perception.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    Here is the rest of the drama. I googled this PTE's name and found out that she had been practicing as a GAL in another state in the past several years....
    To all of your online research... so what? Parenting time expeditors work with difficult cases, not easy ones, and believe it or not parents sometimes go online to vent. "She's pro-father" or "she's pro-mother" is a pretty common complaint from somebody toward a judge, referee, expeditor, coordinator, counselor, or any other person who doesn't give them what they wanted, and roughly half the people who leave a session Saying it online doesn't make it true.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    I asked her for this information again.
    You want her to tell you "I'm not a lawyer" a second time?

    From what I have seen of the statutes, an expeditor is a private service provider appointed by the court. I'm not sure how you're defining "public servant" here.

    Here's the rub: You can go back to court and try to convince the court to appoint a lawyer as the expeditor. I don't know what the current expeditor costs - let's assume $60/hour split between the parties, or $30/hour for each of you. If the attorney costs $250/hour, the judge could quite reasonably assign the additional cost to you ($30/hour to your ex, $220/hour to you.) If I were your ex's lawyer, I would certainly argue for that - after all, other than "I want it to be a lawyer" you have not identified any actual need or benefit from having a lawyer serve as expeditor. Also, you shouldn't assume that a lawyer will necessarily do a better job or that a lawyer will reach different conclusions. It may simply cost you more.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    I am not sure that she has technically broken my order so I don't know if I should go to court and attempt to have her order overturned.
    If the only complaint you can articulate about her services is that you disagree with her rulings, even though they're 100% consistent with the parenting time order, it's unlikely that you'll move a court to want to revisit those rulings.
    Quote Quoting hoppingmadinMN
    I do want to complain to her to the ADR ethics board re: her lateness, her failure to investigate the case, her failure to explain this message board situation including allegations of being biased, and her unwillingness to provide me with her qualifications.
    By "lateness" you mean her timely ruling on your late vacation request? As previously indicated, she's not an investigator. She is under no duty to explain something posted on a bulletin board and, more to the point, attempting to do so may violate her duties of confidentiality. She told you she's a non-lawyer parenting time expeditor - what more do you believe you need to know? (You've "Googled" her - her C.V. didn't turn up somewhere?)

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